October 24, 2014
by katie
0 comments

Smart ladies love TV, Outlander recap, Both Sides Now

Previously on Outlander, Claire HAD to marry Jamie because he’s hot because she pissed off sadistic Captain Randall AKA Bad Frank –OR RATHER WHAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN CALLING HIM ALL ALONG (it’s a testament to the acting abilities of Tobias Menzies that I don’t think of them as the same character).

This episode shakes up the focus by being in both the present, with a frantic Frank searching for Claire and the past, with Claire in the afterglow of marriage to Jamie. Since this episode is not exactly linear and so I don’t have to keep typing flashback/flashforward/Craigh na Dun I have separated it in to the below three sections.

Present, in which Frank drives the Inverness police force crazy

It has been six weeks since Claire went missing and Frank is still in Inverness searching for her. The police theory is that Claire ran off with the Highlander Frank spotted watching Claire the night before she disappeared. After the police tell Frank they are done searching for Claire he goes home to the Reverend Wakefield’s house. The Reverend asks Frank if he told the police about their river theory in which Claire drowned and was swept down the river hence why no body was found. Frank tells the Reverend he is done.

Sad Frank goes to a local pub. There is gets soused and meets a woman who says she has information about the Highlander. The woman takes Frank to a sketchy alley in which he is attacked and nearly mugged but little do the grifters know, Frank was once a super spy AND he has sadistic genes. Indeed, Frank tries to beat one of the grifters to death.

The Reverend gives Frank a pep talk by way of telling him to move on with his life. Frank asks him if he to thinks that Claire ran off with another man. The Reverend, sadly, tells him that makes the most sense. As Frank is about to leave to go back to life as a history professor, Mrs. Graham the Reverend’s housekeeper and local witch tells Frank the tales she has heard about Craigh na Dun. Frank does not believe that Claire has traveled in time.

Past, in which Claire gets to have hot sex with a Scottish ginger

Jamie and Claire are having a picnic in another beautiful Scottish vista –I WANT TO GO TO THERE. Jamie asks Claire if their relationship in bed  is normal and she basically tells him its above average –GO JAMIE. They are interrupted by an arrow. The arrow belongs to Jamie’s friend Hugh Monro whose tongue was cut out by the Turks. Hugh brings Jamie news of a man called Horrocks an English deserter who may be able to clear Jamie’s name. Jamie is very excited but also nervous because they may not be able to trust him.

At camp Rupert is telling the group tall tales while our newlyweds make eyes at each other and Dougal sneers into the distance –oh Dougal get a fucking grip. Jamie and Murtaugh’s use the Highlander super sense and realize that they are going to be attacked by BANDITS –I’m so excited because bag pipes are coming I can feel it. Sadly the fight is scored to a fiddle and NOT bagpipes. Of course our group of Highlanders WIN only losing a horse and three bags of grain. Because of the fight Ned suggests Claire learn how to fight with a small dagger. They all decide that Angus is the best to teach her because he is small and mean.

Claire and Jamie sneak off to get it on in the woods but they are attacked by two English deserters. The two make a lot of lewd comments and our couple quickly realize that Claire is in deep deep danger of assault and these two bastards are about to make Jamie watch. Thankfully, Claire paid good attention to Angus, and she is able to kill the one who is on top of her. After the attack Claire is in shock and Jamie apologizes for not doing a better job of protecting her. Dougal warns Jamie that meeting Horrocks alone may end the same way this time with Jamie dead.

The group rides back toward Castle Leoch but make a stop so that the men can go meet Horrocks. Jamie leaves Claire with Willy. Claire is angry and doesn’t know why. Jamie makes Claire promise that she will stay put. She realizes that she is angry at her self for not trying to return to Frank.

Craigh na Dun, in which present and past may meet again

On his way out of Inverness back to life as a professor, Frank drives by Craigh na Dun and out of curiosity decides to turn and see the stones one last time. Claire, alone and angry, notices that Jamie has left her about 1000 yards from Craigh na Dun. Claire and Frank both go running for the rocks. Frank who is closer makes it to the rocks first. He walks around them wanting Claire to magically appear. Frank begins to weep at the large stone and I feel so bad for Fun Fact Frank. He shouts for her and Claire, who is almost to the stones, hears him and shouts back for him to wait for her. Just as she is about to touch the stones she is pulled away by two red coats. Frank leaves Craigh na Dun sad and alone. Claire leaves tied to the back of a wagon on her way to Fort William where Black Jack is in charge.

Black Jack is his usual lovely self –that is if you enjoy sadistic motherfuckers. Claire tries to shake his confidence using information she has from Fun Fact Frank about Randall’s patronage (every mother fucker has to have a dude with wealth and money to protect him from persecution). She tries to con Black Jack into thinking she too is a spy for the Duke of Sandringham unfortunately Black Jack is too fucking smart for Claire and out smarts her. Black Jack ties Claire up and for the second time in two days Claire is nearly raped, this time she is saved by Jamie.

And that folks is the end of the first half of season 1, I wish it didn’t end with so much violence especially against poor Claire –stay tough Claire.

Wants for the second half of the season

  • More Geilie –I miss her knowing looks and assy comments.
  • More naked Jamie –for REASONS.
  • More 18th century medicine –I miss Claire trying to save lives other than her own.
  • Less Black Jack, as that guy is a fucking dick.

For those who have read the book ****SPOILERS ****

  • In the book Jamie specifically tells Claire if she wanders off he will tan her hide which is then what he does. I am very curious how they handle the whole Jamie beating Claire. It didn’t bother me when I read it because up until that point, Jamie was almost too perfect and too 20th century. The beating establishes him firmly as an 18th century man who would feel like it was his job to discipline his wife. Later Jamie tells Claire about all the times his father beat him. After his tale Claire pulls a knife on him and tells him that if he ever does that again she will kill him. Jamie realizing she is serious promises to never put a hand on her.
  • Before Jamie comes in to save Claire from Randall, Claire has already realized Randall can’t rape her because he is impotent. Claire later uses this knowledge against Randall I guess the writers have something else planned.
  • Speaking of violence against women, for the next half of the season it’s mainly violence against Jamie –poor Jamie.
  • Claire and Frank at Craigh na Dun was not in the book, but it was really well done. I wonder what they are going to do when Jamie brings her back to the rocks and she has to decide Frank or Jamie.

October 21, 2014
by melissa
0 comments

Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor UK recap, live show 2

X Factor UK gang

Another week of eliminations that I could have predicted: Stephanie Nala and Chloe-Jasmine were sent home, leaving Cheryl with only two contestants (if she would have put Emily and Kerianne through instead I’m CERTAIN Stevi would be gone by now).

Fourteen performances and no one sang MY favorite 80s song (right now):

My husband says he would be on one of these shows JUST to sing Black Flag on 80s night.

Best 80s flashbacks

X Factor UK Louis Walsh

It looks like he’s on trial.

Simon Sinitta

Says so much about Simon. Both via.

Terrible screenshots that illustrate how hard producers tried to make Jay James look cool

X Factor UK 2 35

Through the studio glass.

I am alone.

So alone.

So mysterious.

So mysterious.

He's too squint to be cool.

He’s too squinty to be cool.

Multiple Jay James'!

Multiple Jay Jameses!

Biggest tease

Hearing “Waiting for a Star to Fall” in the background. Wahhh, why didn’t anyone sing THAT?

Laziest judges

That would be ALL of them this week, many of whom didn’t even meet with their proteges in person.

Even YOU, Mel B?

Even YOU, Mel B?

Ben was soooooo sick but of course he sounded great on stage. I question his actual illness.

Ben was soooooo sick but of course he sounded great on stage. According to the Mirror, SEVEN contestants were sick though they only mentioned Ben on the show.

Mel sent Louis Tomlinson to mentor Jack. I never remember Jack's name so I think this is a bad sign.

Mel sent Louis Tomlinson to mentor Jack. I never remember Jack’s name so I think this is a bad sign.

X Factor UK 2 11

Best dressed, off stage

I am really going to miss Chloe-Jasmine.

X Factor UK 2 27

X Factor UK 2 28

This picture is terrible but she was wearing a mustard blouse under a pin stripe shirt dress. It was cute!

This picture is terrible but she was wearing a mustard blouse under a pin stripe shirt dress. It was cute!

Worst make up

Sorry Chloe, but this is GARISH.

Sorry Chloe, but this is GARISH.

Best new Brit

Andrea, who Mel B called her "Latin lover" (?? he's Italian?), LOVES fish and chips.

Andrea, who Mel B called her “Latin lover” (??he’s Italian??), LOVES fish and chips.

My best idea of the weekend

X Factor UK 8

X Factor UK 2 34

An Alex & Sierra-like duo with James Graham and the best singer in Only the Young. It sounds insane, which is why is will totally work.

Best earrings

I was as mesmerized by these earrings as Cheryl is by Chloe.

I was as mesmerized by these earrings as Cheryl is by Chloe. Or so she says.

I get it already, I am old

X Factor UK 2 10

Jack was born in 1996. Most of these contestants were not alive in the 80s, which they kept reminding us by being completely unaware of most recordings from one of the craziest musical decades ever (new wave-dance pop-hip hop-metal-punk-indie rock ALL came to the forefront at one point, so there’s a lot to choose from; unfortunately most of the song choices did not reflect the diversity of the time).

Worst hair

I am so sick of ombre  I could puke.

I am so sick of ombre I could puke.

Other interesting fashion choices

Unknown Stereo Kicks member's super fuzzy pink stripey sweater.

Unknown Stereo Kicks member’s super fuzzy pink stripey sweater.

This girl's bouffant. I am pro-bouffant, BTW.

Lola Saunders’ bouffant. I am pro-bouffant, BTW.

Fleur's boxing shorts, leopard bra and Chanel track jacket.

Fleur’s boxing shorts, leopard bra and Chanel track jacket.

Andrea's star blazer is really cool...

Andrea’s star blazer is really cool…

...but the details up close are cooler.

…but the details up close are cooler.

ON WARNING

I don’t like when people break the rules of these categories. Both John Lennon songs were included on technicalities. Roxy Music had a hit with “Jealous Guy” in the UK in 1981 and “Imagine” charted in the UK following Lennon’s death.

Favorite performance

Since no one sang “Johnny and Mary,” Fleur East will have to be it.

Fucking MONIE LOVE. “It’s a Shame” was probably one of the first hip hop songs I was obsessed with as a kid (it came out in 1990, which is barely the 80s). Also, Mel B’s complaint was total bullshit. Fleur did NOT cheat, she was singing other parts over the chorus. Even Queen Bey, who can most definitely sing, has a track on the chorus during her live performances so she can riff and dance.

I predict a winner

I’m still going with Lauren. Her haunting “What a Feeling” from Flashdance had a vibe reminiscent of Cher Lloyd’s “Stay.”

Next Week:

X Factor UK movies

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

All screencaps by me. Other photos from X Factor’s facebook page.

October 20, 2014
by katie
0 comments

Smart ladies love movies, this week in trailers, October 20, 2014

Movie Trailer Monday

Each week I review movie trailers that came out the previous week or for movies that are about to premiere. Some of these movies I am excited about, some I am mildly curious about, and the rest I make fun of!

Notable movies coming out this weekend

Laggies

There isn’t any real awards bait movie out this week BUT Keira Knightley will most likely be nominated for The Imitation Game and Laggies looks super good and it’s the only movie out this week I would actually pay money to see. [This looks delightful! It stars two teenage actors I really like, Chloe Grace Moretz and Kaitlyn Dever, who is so fucking incredible on Justified and also is in Men, Women & Children. Also, WRITTEN AND DIRECTED by women! -M]

White Bird in a Blizzard, is out onDemand and for Rent

I have no idea what this movie wants to be-coming of age movie, thriller, creepy art movie, and/or all of the above. It doesn’t really matter because I will pretty much watch anything with Eva Green, Shailene Woodley, and Gabourey Sidibe. [A+ for set design and casting Gabourey, but Eva Green looks SO SAD and I hate the uber pretentious title. -M]

Movies I can’t wait to see in an ACTUAL theater

Top Five, December 5, 2014

This is the 3rd film written and directed by the AWESOME Chris Rock and it looks amazing. Then again, he had me at a trailer which prominently features Charlie Rose, Kevin Hart, and Tracey Morgan. [This should be legitimately funny. I wish Rock was hosting SNL in December to really promote this instead of in two weeks but oh well. -M]

I won’t go to an ACTUAL theater but will pay for it on Amazon

Focus, February 27, 2015

I love a good con movie but I’m not sure whether this is going to be fun or some weird hybrid of fun and overly dramatic. I’m also not sure how I feel about Will Smith when he is dramatic. Focus also stars Margot Robbie from The Wolf of Wall Street which I haven’t seen but she was super cute and funny on every Awards show red carpet last year. [The screencap of Will Smith below is so funny that I cannot take Focus seriously and could not complete the trailer. -M]

In the Heart of the Sea, March 13, 2015

Ron Howard directs HOTTIES AT SEA! This movie is probably better than that but in my mind it’s hot dudes trying to kill a whale. [I would probably get motion sickness if I saw this in the theater but maybe on TV? The colors are so pretty and like a painting. -M]

You would have to PAY me to see it in an ACTUAL theater

Dying of the Light, December 5, 2014

dying-of-the-light

Currently, Paul Schrader, the director of this movie, and its stars Nick Cage and Anton Yelchin, are in silent protest against its release because it was drastically changed by the studio. This looks like it might have been a good Nick Cage movie but it’s never a good sign when the films own director doesn’t want you to watch their film. [While I am mildly intrigued by the protest, I am completely certain that I will never watch this ever. -M]