Smart ladies love fashion, the best and worst dressed at the Golden Globes after parties

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I love these big awards shows, because not only is their great fashion at the show itself, but the after parties are full of such a huge range of celebrities–from the people who just won to hangers-on and randos–so there are even more opportunities to make fun of bad outfits. Moving on!

Best Dressed

I know I already made Diane Kruger Best Dressed once at the Golden Globes but my blog, my rules. Also no one at any of the parties looked even 1/10th as great as she did.

This is the perfect after party dress, it’s fun and sassy and works nicely with the hair and make-up show already wore to the event. -K

Dressed Well, but no Kruger

Laura Vandevoort was on the late, great Canadian show Instant Star, and I love how this GORGEOUS dress looks like the pattern was made on a spirograph.

This is great! It’s a pattern and a a-line ballgown. WINNER! -K

Mark Duplass and Katie Aselton always look so happy and sweet and in love. I love that she wore his jacket!

I love a lady in tomato red. -K

Elizabeth Rohm looked like a hologram.

Remember when she was on BATB with Shades and it was magical. -K

Margaret Qualley from The Leftovers, looks like a bored asshole wearing a dress made from dragon skin in this picture, which I totally enjoy.

That color is gorgeous on her and that is her always face. Margaret suffers from malaise face. Also more people should watch The Leftovers because it is good and different. -K

The top of Sarah Paulson’s dress is lovely and the tomato red color is a nice surprise for her.

I approve of this. I just wish someone would wear the super pretty runway version. -K

Spencer Grammer’s dress looks like a fancy futuristic robe. I hope this can be the world’s uniform in 2050.

Shiny caftans for everyone in the future. I wish she was wearing a turban. -K

Katie would be pleased Alexandra Daddario is wearing a cocktail length dress; however, the back looks like a spider. Her hair and makeup are pretty flawless, though.

YAY for a fun length BOO for the weird back and cheap looking fabric. Red lips always a win. -K

I have no idea who Bridgit Mendler is, and I don’t really like lace, but not enough people wore short dresses, especially fluorescent green ones.

She looks young and fun I just wish she had white accessories instead of black. -K

Please, Sarah Hyland, stop the madness with the bronzer/tanning/whatever you’ve been doing. This is an edgier look than what she usually wears and it works for her, so hooray!

Leather and Sparkles! I whole heartily agree with Melissa, Sarah needs to step away from the tanning bed/spray booth or she will end up as orange as John Boehner which is NOT a look a twenty something single gal would want. -K

I love that Niecy Nash wore a color that is not often seen on the red carpet. Beautiful earrings, too.

This is fabulous. The fit and color are perfect! -K

I always liked Debi Mazar. She is not only going to be in the Entourage movie, but also the new Darren Star show, Younger, which also stars Sutton Foster (!!!) and Hilary Duff (???). I don’t think her hair is great but this is a fab dress on her.

I love Debi Mazar because she looks like the original Barbie come to life –SO PRETTY! -K

MORE YELLOW. This cool one-shouldered dress on Gone Girl’s Emily Ratajkowski fits her perfectly.

So many pretty yellow dresses tonight. I love all of the color! -K

This Valentino mini is precious as hell on Brittany Snow.

This is so cute and her hair color is divine. -K

Meh Dressed

I want to like this Stella McCartney dress on Hailee Steinfeld, but the pattern of the lace panel over her midsection is really fug.

This is a dress that has too much going on. Too much lace. Too long. It needed to take one of its elements off before it left the house. -K

I am probably being very generous here, but Nicola Peltz is not making me hate this sheer skirt.

She is pretty but with is very meh. -K

I am not sure why Stana Katic felt the need to cut her pretty hair and get a suburban mom hairdo.

Everything about this is slouchy. Slouchy hair (I whined a lot earlier today about this haircut) and a really slouchy dress. -K 

Alison Pill is absolutely not pulling this off. Is she going to a sexy office party? Where did her eyebrows go?

This reminds me of her character on the Newsroom kind of sassy but mostly a fucking mess. How on earth can you wear polka dots AND be a disaster. -K 

After the parade of yellow column gowns at the ceremony itself, I could not take another one, even if this looks good on Taylor Swift, it’s not as cute as Emily Ratajkowski up there.

Also it was clearly too long for after parties cause in every picture I see of her she is holding it weird. It reminds me of SJP in Sex and the City 2 in which she wears long gowns all over the desert and has to constantly carry fabric. ALSO don’t watch Sex and the City 2 as it is racist and not funny AND AGAIN Carrie wanders around the desert carrying swaths of fabric around like a moron. -K

This is better than what Salma Hayek wore to the ceremony but it’s still boring.

I wish she had kept the pretty flower in her hair. -K

Lisa Rinna’s dress looks like twenty other things I’ve seen (done better) lately but this may be the hottest Harry Hamlin has ever been.

She looks like she has stopped injecting shit in her face –WIN! -K

This is probably an improvement for Jessica Szohr but I feel so fucking indifferent about it.

I feel like we keep seeing this style of dress and I now hate it. -K

Sadly, I prefer this colorblocked towel to the heavy Zac Posen Katherine Heigl wore to the ceremony.

This makes me sad AND want to go to the beach. -K 

Elisha Cuthbert is wearing the definition of meh.

SACKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! She and Lena Dunham should catch lunch at the Sack Shack in which they serve food items in sacks while wearing sacks and demand customers wear sacks to. -K

Kelly Rutherford: great lipstick, shitty shoes.

She should not wear white. -K

Worst Dressed

Did Nina Dobrev think she was dressing for the awards themselves?

UGH! So inappropriate. -K

Lili Simmons is on Banshee (which I keep meaning to watch), and this dress makes me want to scream in horror. HAHAHA see I make the funny jokes too.

I hate those weird bandage sleeves. -K

Lea Michele, or linebacker?

UGH! Why is she bound and determined to tease us with her twat. Why are you a twat tease Lea Michelle? Newsflash: I don’t want to see your leg let alone your twat –TWIT. Incidentally Twat Tease is the name of my Bikini Kill cover band. -K

Way to ruin this pretty Carolina Herrara dress with bad styling and limp hair, Katharine McPhee.

I had such high hopes for this dress and then it’s RUINED ON YOU! -K

Pro: Hilary’s Duff looks a bit like records. Con: Everything else is terrible.

This is what schlubby looks like if you are wondering. -K

I can’t believe Cara Delevingne is a model because she couldn’t sell me anything with that crappy attitude. She looks so uncomfortable in nicer clothes, like Kristen Stewart did before she found her “thing.”

I am so meh I might fall asleep with the mehhhhhhhs. -K

YAWN.

I will use this space to say that people should go out and watch Monte Carlo it is delightful. -K

I would have loved Malin Ackerman’s mall punk-ish getup when I was sixteen.

I looks like she thought it was too short so she yanked down a curtain and wore it as a wrap. -K

Miles Teller Palate Cleanser

So dapper!

LOVE IT! -K

SHUT IT DOWN

I hope you’re all listening to what J Lo is saying with this insane dress.

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