While the red carpet show itself conflicted with the premiere of American Idol (recaps will begin once the top 20-ish is selected), I do not like to miss a good (bad?) awards show. Below are the best and worst dressed of a third rate awards show that’s on in the middle of the week and hosted by the stars of Moms, which is only mildly better than having the stars of 2 Broke Girls host (at least we had Kat Denning’s boobs).
There were jokes about Kaley Cuoco’s recent rejection of feminism (she said she was on her “apology tour”) and how the producers picked the whitest people ever to present a hip hop award (two actors from Parenthood). Patricia Arquette read the words “loveable scoundrels” with the least amount of excitement ever. But because the awards meant nothing and were given to people like Adam Sandler, I had to turn to the fashion instead… except it was boring.
The theme was black and white and nearly everyone complied except Giuliana because she always needs attention. I graded on a curve below. If this was the Globes only Kristen and Melissa would make Best Dressed.
Kristen Bell JUST HAD A KID, you guys (side note: Delta Bell is my new favorite celebrity child name). Hot pink and a shredded skirt and wavy hair and silver shoes… my head is exploding from all the wonder.
I want this dress. I want those shoes. I want to be friends with Kristen and Dax. -K
This all black badass chick look is TOTALLY working on Melissa McCarthy. And look at those cute shoes!!!
This is the best she has looked in a long time. GO MELISSA! -K
Kat Dennings, get closer to me so I can whisper this sweet nothing into your ear: quit 2 Broke Girls. You’re too cool for that show. You and your boyfriend Josh Groban should create a weird comedy for FXX. You can be a weird gothy asshole and he will say deadpan things and I will watch the shit out of it.
I love Josh Groban. Was he her date? Where are you JOSH?!? -K
Truth I may have never shared with you: I adore Hillary Scott from Lady Antebellum. Her clothes always have a personality–this dress had a bit of a rock and roll attitude. The guys in the band always look great too–well-fitted suits that have one or two unusual elements to make them interesting.
Allison Janney’s big hair makes me so happy! She is my hero. And Anna Faris even looks passably good. Wooo!
I’m so glad she has cut her hair, this looks fantastic. The dress too is super fun! -K
Will I get bored of all black and white? I hope the Globes are not like this. Anyway, Lisa Edelstein really looks like my friend Suzie, which is a huge compliment to both of them. She is wearing a pretty dress but I wish she’d done something with her hair. Also her bit when she presented about the jeans country dudes wear was SO awkward.
She has had that hair since House season 1. -K
It was 11 degrees this morning so I’m just jealous that Kelly McCreary wore this adorable little dress, sans tights, boots, cardigan and puffer coat in the middle of January.
Next to K-Bell this is my FAVE! -K
I think Katie will like this ballgown more than me, but Stana Katic is giving really good face.
The dress is great but Melissa what is Stana done to her pretty hair? Her hair is usually as good as Kate Middelton’s. -K
Something about Gabrielle Union’s dress bothers me: the shape, lack of waist? The color is doing amazing things to her skin, though, and she is reminding me I need to watch Being Mary Jane.
Love the color hate the cut. -K
I wish the pants of Ellen Pompeo’s jumpsuit weren’t so long! I love everything else about this.
I WANT TO HEM YOUR PANTS MERE! -K
Sarah Hyland’s clothes have really improved (so age-appropriate!) but her makeup is doing her no favors.
She is as orange as John Boehner and that is mighty orange. -K
This is slightly too fashion-blogger, Katherine McPhee. Like something Kendi wore last summer.
At least her lips aren’t beige. -K
Ariel Winter’s make up and shoes are complete perfection. I am not so sure about wearing dad’s suitcoat as a dress.
I’m happy she isn’t showing too much cleave as she is still a child. -K
Olivia Munn was kind of funny when she presented with Anthony Anderson! She was wearing a nice dress with stripes and sparkles but ruined it by being a human oil slick. Is this a thing? Should I stop washing my face?
That dress would be divine with hot pink shoes. -K
What kind of fancy nightgown crap is this, Caitriona Balfe? Thankfully she is able to avoid the worst dressed category by applying lipstick correctly and having nice hair. WHEW.
Love the bracelet but I am so sad look at this dress. -K
It’s probably a great time to show this:
Hot dude and cute red toes in cute black shoes. -K
Awkward’s Molly Tarlov did not wear black and white, so yay! But this dress is overworked and do I need to point out the bad shoes?
Another Awkward star, Jillian Rose Reed. I think this feels too fussy for the event and I hate the one-sided hair and too-large clutch. I would love this dress if it was shorter and v-neck.
I want the hem this dress to cocktail length. -K
Pretty shape, pretty girl, print that would not look out of place next to a Patrick Nagel painting.
I want to hem this too! I want to hem everything! -K
Portia’s hair is really cool but Cheryl Cole already wore this better and with a better fitting crotch.
I hate jumpsuits. -K
I love white dresses and the shape is flattering on Ginnifer Goodwin but it’s too heavy and NO TO THE SHOES.
I want to like this but I can’t. -K
Bellamy Young needs to fire her stylist. I have never seen her look good. But while the ice skater dress is crap, the shoes are divine. Such a shame to waste them.
The Band Perry is like the anti-Lady Antebellum, fashion-wise (maybe music-wise, too, I have not spent any time comparing the two). They all look uncomfortable.
Ugg x 3. -K
You might remember Camilla Luddington as Kate from the classic TV movie William & Kate. I don’t think Camilla brings enough zzeuhzz to this cute frock.
She ruined Grey’s Anatomy and you know how much I loved Grey’s. -K
I really like Josh Gad in general, and his head looks fantastic, but he looks like he is trying to sell me scam stocks in The Wolf of Wall Street.
HAHAHAHAHAH. But he gives warm hugs and loves summer. -K
IS IT EASTER SUNDAY, GIULIANA?? No it is not. This could be worn by a much edgier lady and not feel so childish.
I am not ready for her on Sunday. -K
I love a woman in a suit but Bella Thorne’s looks really dated.
Is that her belly? -K
The off-white and bright white of Ellen Degeneres’ otherwise nonoffensive suit hurts my eyes.
I think Ewan McGregor wore this in the classic Michael Bay movie The Island. -K
Mark Burnett or Wookie?
This is a man who should not have a beard and that is weird coming from me. -K
What the fuck did Joey Lawrence do to his face?
What the fuck did he do to his hair? Is he playing Rolf in a community theater production of The Sound of Music –his hair is very German youth circa 1939. -K