Once upon a time I asked a question…What the fuck Amanda Bynes? What. The. Fuck?
I have now decided that this is all one giant performance art piece called I HAVE TOO MUCH MONEY SO I’MA GONNA GET STONED AND TWEET RANDOM SHIT OF AWESOME —caps mandatory!
Amanda decides she wants to go somewhere that she does not have to drive because she is kind of banned from driving in LA so she moves to New York. All of New York celebrates —oh wait they are New Yorkers, they don’t give a shit about Amanda Bynes.
Because she is going to set the fashion/fragrance world on fire she gets her checks pierced. Everybody goes crazy —okay nobody goes crazy but everybody that you tell about Amanda Bynes piercing her cheeks thinks it’s weird.
Amanda appears to like to smoke weed on the streets of NYC —you do what you gotta do, girlfriend, for this amazing performance art piece/documentary which I hope is like the Joaquin Phoenix/Casey Affleck mockumentary I can’t watch cause Joaquin scares me.
Amanda Bynes locks herself in a dressing room for two hours, wears clothes on her head, is thrown out of an adult gymnastics class in lingerie, and/or wears only a bra and panties at the gym —if you have ever gotten high, then you know this all results from her being stoned all the fucking time.
Amanda claims there is a red headed imposter and that she is blond but then she clearly has red hair —again she dyed her hair stoned and went out for snacks and forgot she dyed hair and walked through Times Square.
She wanted wheel-chair Jimmy to murder her vagina —ummm I’m not sure what she meant but I watched Degrassi TNG so I can’t have sexual thoughts regarding Drake, it makes me uncomfortable.
She has twitter selfies of AWESOMENESS for days, for realsies! She would also like gossip blogs and mags to use said selfies instead of pictures of her IMPOSTER (who is most likely her stoned and looking for snacks).
Because the tabloids lie (US Weekly never lies) she is suing everybody —Amanda I implore you, please don’t fill up the courts with frivolous lawsuits.
She tweeted that she has an eating disorder and that paps photos make her look pregnant, therefore fat —I can’t make fun of this, it’s just sad. Amanda you are lovely and you do have “legs for days”. You are not fat and do not need to live at the gym unless you REALLY enjoy exercise.
Now to help you get into the spirit of America’s cutest stoner, I give you Mamrie Hart’s fantastic video on how to make the drink the “Amanda Bynes’ I’m Doing Just Byne!”