Smart ladies love to ask WTF, awards shows

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As you have seen in our brief tenure as bloggers, Katie and I love awards shows. We’ve been watching them together since the late 90s. We love the gowns, the montages*, the speeches and the presenter’s skits. But, like Christmas morning, awards shows always make you feel let down and sad when they’re over. Here are a few reasons why.

[*see bonus Errol Morris montage videos at bottom of post -K]

Math

You’re wrong, math sucks! Image here.

I could go on about how the right people are never nominated and terrible people always win. It happens like it does every November during election season. But I blame math, not Emmy voters.

Say there’s a list of 100 potential nominees and you, as a voter, are supposed to pick ten. You pick 8 critical or obscure faves, like Community, It’s Always Sunny and Enlightened.  Your final two picks are hits that you feel deliver most of the time: say, Modern Family and The Big Bang Theory. Even if you rank them 9 & 10 and a majority of voters also rank them 9 & 10, because not enough people even considered It’s Always Sunny, guess what’s making the final list?

Math is why awards shows and reader’s polls are total crap. Majority rules.

Bad best dressed lists

From Huff Po.

I know I have weird taste. While Fashion Critic often agrees with me, People Magazine, EW, Jezebel and many others do not. I am gagging at the thought of seeing Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s non-lipsticked face everywhere. Or Julie Bowen’s uncombed, natty hair.

[JLD had no make up on and don’t get me started about her sad bun…NOT BEST DRESSED and Julie Bowen’s dress washes out her hair which looks like her twin boys did it -K]

Hosting issues

Or they can host together! From here.

I guess they get comedians that appeal to a national audience, but why are all these hosts white dudes over 40?

I appreciate that country music gets its own to host, often ladies like Reba or Carrie Underwood. They are not comedians. They do a little gentle ribbing at the expense of their friends and they move on. MTV has always had a diverse group of hosts for their (otherwise shitty) awards shows.

Why can’t Aziz Ansari host the Emmys (besides the fact that this year they were on ABC)? Or the guys from Happy Endings? Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph would be genius. Networks & producers who decide these things, be different.

[Imagine an Awards show hosted by a gaggle of funny ladies; Melissa McCarthy, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Betty White, etc. Want. It. Now.  -K]

Production itself

Length

The Academy Awards are way too long, even for awards show junkies like myself. Don’t cut sound editing or live action short from the telecast. That would be foolish. Just stop with the goddamn bad jokes. Try going host-less. They never pick the right hosts anyway, so save some money.

[I hate to say it but the Oscars might benefit from categories like the Emmys, so you know where you’re at in the show AND instead of a single  host a gaggle of funny ladies before each category.  My current project for work is ending soon so Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences (AMPAS) I can come and produce this for you guys in 2013.  I even have extensive production experience. -K]

Awards not presented on TV

I like the technical awards. In fact, they are my favorites on the Oscars because I am good at guessing the winner. The Creative Arts Emmy ceremony should air on TV LIVE on a normal channel (not Reelz a week later, like they do now. I don’t even know if I have that). These are probably not aired live on a channel anyone has heard of due to cost. But put them on TNT, and don’t tell anyone but nerds like me. There, I’ve saved you even more money.

E!s preshow coverage

Ugh, go away. From here.

Katie is not a fan of the Seacrest and I hate Giuliana [we both hate GIGI -K]. This year instead of asking starlets about their weight loss secrets she talked about babies nonstop. I wanted to punch her so bad.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if the hosts were people who were super into TV or movies or people who knew more about fashion than Giuliana (can she not afford to wear dresses by real designers? She always looks like my cousin Gina at prom in 1988)? The most successful red carpet host in recent memory was Alexa Chung who asked bizarre questions and talked about clothes like she knew the actors. [I loved Issac Mizrahi even if he did grab ScarJo’s boob! -K]

I am sure I am not alone in my hatred of Giuliana or old white dudes hosting awards shows. Let’s make some changes! I’m so excited!!!!!!!!!!  …what’s that? There’s a marathon of Tabatha’s Salon Takeover on Bravo? I will have to postpone my awards show revolution, dear readers, but you can do it without me!

Bonus video

These Errol Morris montages for the 2002 & 2006  Oscars are amazing examples of something that is so simple to put together and yet amazingly irreverent and current (seriously I can’t believe they are from 2002 and 2006 and I still remember them, most of the time I can’t even remember who won from year to year).  All awards shows need to do more clever stuff like this!!!

2002 Movies Montage

2006 Nominees Montage

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