Smart ladies love trailers, the week in trailers, January 13, 2014

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Movie Trailer Mondays

Chris Pine Jack Ryan

Each week I review movie trailers that came out the previous week or for movies that are about to premiere. Some of these movies I am excited about, some I am mildly curious about, and the rest I make fun of!

Notable movies coming out this week

Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

The most positive thing I can say about this film is that I am really excited about the resurgence of Kevin Costner, star of Field of Dreams and Robinhood: Prince of Thieves. [We are concerned about Kiera Knightly’s role and hope her character is more interesting than “wife.” Also, what is up with all the Russian mobsters in action movies lately? Insane. -M]

Summer in February is out onDemand and for Rent

Number one reason Dan Stevens is the worst, he apparently left Downton Abbey to make terrible costume dramas about famous equine painters from 1913 –FUN??? [Via Wikipedia, here are some reviews: Chris Tookey from the Daily Mail gave the film one star and opined Summer in February as “a plodding, sub-Merchant Ivory costume drama, not terribly convincing even though it’s based on a true story, about a romantic triangle in Edwardian Cornwall.”  Michael Hann from The Guardian writes “Proof that truth is duller than fiction comes with this tale of real events in the Lamorna artists’ colony in Cornwall in the months before the first world war.”Tara Brady from The Irish Times thought the film was like “Downtown Abbey stripped of charm and lobotomised.” The Independent‘s Anthony Quinn felt that the film “struggles to rise above the blandness of a Sunday teatime serial,” where “sudden bursts of drama fizzle like damp fireworks.” PASS. -M]

Movies I can’t wait to see in an ACTUAL theater

Draft Day, April 11, 2014

MORE KEVIN COSTNER! Now here is a film I would love to see even if it’s about the Browns the most pathetic football team out there (they used to be the ultimate rivals of my Steelers until they became the Ravens and the NEW Browns became pathetic). Yay for Jennifer Garner NOT playing a wife but playing a football executive! [This can’t be a true story because even I know the Browns are fucking awful. The fact that Kevin Costner is in a movie I actually want to see pleases me greatly. -M]

Million Dollar Arm, May 16, 2014

DISNEY SPORTS MOVIE STARRING JON HAMM –WIN FOR EVERYONE! I am seriously stocked about Jon Ham playing a dick with a heart-of-gold as apposed to just a misanthropic dick like he does in everything else. [OK, this sports movie IS a true story but with all the baseball I watched last year no one mentioned these cricket dudes ever existing. Still, heartwarming Disney sports movies starring Lake Bell is totally a genre I can get into. -M]

I won’t go to an ACTUAL theater but will pay for it on Amazon

Don Peyote, TBA 2014

This trailer is weird, confusing, and I am unsure why Anne Hathaway is in it but good for her for being in weird indie movies with Wallace Shawn?!? [Does this Dan Folger guy have secret blackmail info on Anne Hathaway because I can’t think of any reason she would sign up to do this. -M]

You would have to PAY me to see it in an ACTUAL theater

Grand Piano, March 7, 2014

This movie looks amazingly unintentionally hilarious–nobody does intense face better than Elijah Wood. [I am shocked a movie this stupid looking got made. Is that FX show about the dog not fulfilling enough for E Wood? -M]

Gif of luvmoonsurfacecpine