Smart ladies love pop music, Eurovision preview 1

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Eurovision 2013 logo

Since awards season is over and I plan on posting about the NCAA tourney right before selection Sunday (March 17th), I thought why not start previewing the Eurovison Song Contest —I mean we have less than 80 days until the greatest song contest EVER, guys!  Okay, this preview is a wee bit early but there are 39 countries participating and they are picking their songs NOW. This way we can all choose favorites WAY before MAY!  When I think of all the time I missed last year NOT listening Loreen I want to cry!

Loreen Eurovision 2012 Profile Photo

Now because Eurovison is in Europe some Americans may not even know that the GREATEST SONG CONTEST EVER takes place outside of the United States  (I know crazy, right?!? The Greatest Song Contest Ever is NOT American Idol) or that it exists at all.    For those of you who do not know what Eurovision is, it is a contest where each participating country submits one song that is approximately three minutes long, performs said song and then like Idol, all of Europe votes via the telephone for their favorite, though citizens are not allowed to vote for their own country.  Countries are rewarded a certain number of points based on popularity and each country announces their rankings and point designation, it’s VERY DRAMATIC when you watch it live (last year our favorite Loreen from Sweden was by far the best but she didn’t win every country out right so for a while we were slightly concerned that a group of Russian Grannies were going to take it from her).

I have been following the Eurovision site since we were 150 days from the actual contest and recently I noticed that a vast majority of nations have picked their songs.  To give you examples of the type of songs countries submit (really it can be anything from folk songs to europop), Abba won for Sweden in 1974 with “Waterloo” and Celine Dion won for Switzerland in 1988 with “Ne partez pas sans moi”. I have only included nations that have videos for their songs we will post more previews as more videos become available —I know it’s all so exciting!

[The greatest Eurovision winner of all time is Serge Gainsbourg’s “Poupée de Cire, Pupée de Son.” It was performed by France Gall in 1965, as a representative of Luxembourg. It was the first non-ballad to win! Arcade Fire covered it too. Fun fact: I have a pair of napkins upon which I embroidered “poupée de cire” on one and “poupée de son” on the other. Why yes, I am a nerd. -M]

Austria

Natália Kelly, “Shine”

According to her profile she is from the US and Brazil (her grandmother is Austrian) I am wondering why she has never been on Idol.  This song is a classic pop ballad and will probably do well.  It’s also one of those songs that Melissa and I will hate but will end up singing along to. [You’re right, I hate this! -M]

Belgium

Roberto Bellarosa, “Love Kills”

I swear this song was in last years contest. It’s a kind of dancey ballad sung by a kind of attractive young man (I’m sure it will go far in the contest based on that alone).  Also I hope his performance is better at Eurovision than here which looks like Belgium’s answer to the Today Show. [I could not pay attention to this because I was lost in his magical eyebrows. -M]

Denmark

Emmelie de Forest, “Only Teardrops”

Denmark is apparently desperate to win cause they kind of ripped off last year’s winner Loreen, only Emmelie wears white and this song is about TEARDROPS AND LOVE! But they both love wind machines, performing in their pajamas and ethereal dancing! [What a Loreen ripoff. NEXT! -M]

Finland

Krista Siegfrids, “Marry Me”

UMMMMMMM…I guess this is Finland’s answer to “All the Single Ladies”?!? I also might love this more than life itself. Because it is Scandinavian I am assuming that it is ironically sexist.  Bonus points to Krista for performing in a veil. FUN! [HOLY SHIT THIS WON? I hope I see it a billion more times. Of course, only if it is making fun of  misogyny. If not, it is really offensive. Actual line: “I’m your slave and you’re my master.” -M]

Georgia

Nodi Tatishvili & Sophie Gelovani, “Waterfall”

The only joy I garner from this song is that the dude doesn’t seem like he knows what he is singing which makes me a bad person but this is hurts my ears AND it will probably do incredibly well (two years ago almost the identical song won from Azerbaijan). [These people are not selling it to me. I hate it. Where’s the fun dance-y shit? -M]

Germany

Cascada, “Glorious”

A more fun and dancey rip off of Loreen’s “Euphoria” except now it’s “Glorious” and Cascada loves autotune and corsets! I’m sure this will go very far in the contest for its pizzazz alone. [Oh here it is! YAY! -M]

Iceland

Eyþór Ingi Gunnlaugsson, “Ég á Líf”

An Icelandic ballad sung in Icelandic and preformed by a dude who looks exactly like a dude from Iceland should look like. [Wow, he looks like all those Vikings that won Oscars this year. -M]

Ireland

Ryan Dolan, “Only Love Survives”

Ireland is not sending Jedward this is so emotionally upsetting that I can’t even finish this song. It’s also a terrible dance song. [I have not watched a Eurovision without Jedward. I am really confused. -M]

Latvia

PeR, “Here We Go”

Latvians rapping in English while one band member plays the keytar; they also name check Andy Kaufman. I hope this WINS ALL THE AWARDS! [This is terrible. What is up with those sparkly high school band jackets? -M]

Lithuania

Andrius Pojavis, “Something”

This man scares me. STOP RAISING YOUR EYEBROWS! Also his song sounds like he is making up as he goes along.  Because he is hot this will go far unless he turns off all of Europe with his skevey eyebrows. [Eurovision 2013: the year of the eyebrows. -M]

Malta

Gianluca Bezzina, “Tomorrow”

This is adorable and also sounds like a McFly song, right down to the fucking ukulele.  This one get bonus adorable points for the Maltese comments on youtube about where on earth they would host an event like this if they won, one person joked that it would sink the whole island. [Katie, why do you like this? IT SOUNDS LIKE TRAIN. -M]

Norway

Margaret Berger, “I Feed You My Love”

I am unsure whether this is terrible or fucking amazing…I mean the title alone is AWESOME! [I hope she does not wear this outfit at the finals, it is not doing her any favors. -M]

Russia

Dina Garipova, “What If”

It’s unfortunate that I hate this song because this girl seems cute. [Everyone watch this because the people in the studio are HILARIOUS. I want to screencap it for a later post.-M]

Slovenia

Hannah, “Straight Into Love”

I would dance to this at a club but it’s pretty terrible Europop. [I haven’t danced at a club since that time we went to the Black Cat five years ago. I know when it was because it was during the Olympics and afterwards we went to your house and watched Michael Phelps win. -M]

Ukraine

Zlata Ognevich, “Gravity”

A ballad with lots of back-up singers. I might love her dress. [This song is so cheesy. Zlata is a really cool name, though. -M]

We will be continuing our Eurovision coverage over the next few months and previewing more artists, culminating in the liveblog during the final, where we will lose our minds with excitement.

And why not: