August 19, 2014
by melissa
3 Comments

Smart ladies love dumb TV, Candidly Nicole recap, How to Be a Boss

Is the world ready for Nicole to be in charge of a fashion website? If this week’s episode of Candidly Nicole is any indication, the answer is clearly no.

Candidly Nicole 5 01

Nicole’s friend Katherine Power runs Who What Wear &  asked her to come on as a guest editor. She is ready for an office job: the hustle, the 9 to 5, the orgies. There is no way this does not end with her being fired.

I did some research about Katherine and she and Nicole are indeed besties. I learned that they’ve been friends since their late teens. Here is Nicole (plus RZ & Jessica Alba) going to KP’s wedding. Rachel Zoe even designed Katherine’s wedding dress! Refinery did a piece on Katherine’s house. I could actually read about this woman and her fancy LA lifestyle all day (I secretly want to live there) but I have to finish this recap.

Candidly Nicole 5 03

She walks in looking fabulous in a cropped leather top and white skirt.

Candidly Nicole 5 04

Then Nicole goes to her friend, but she is clearly busy so she finds a cute gay dude to talk to, who she calls “Peter Pan cute.” His name is Peter too!

Candidly Nicole 5 05

She’s going around talking to people about the stories they are working on (“flats,” one girl replies), takes selfies with their phones, and dances while wearing one girls’ headphones.

Candidly Nicole 5 06

Then she gets in the center of the cubes and talks about Katherine’s club past, where she was often bottomless. Nicole, people have to respect this woman now! She’s the HBIC!

Candidly Nicole 5 07

Katherine gets off the phone and is telling Nicole what a fun office WWW is (“Everyone is so nice here!” Nicole volunteers), but “in a quiet way” and pretty much tells her friends not to bother the writers anymore.

N: “It’s very intimidating here.”

K: “I wouldn’t say intimidating, maybe serious…Try to talk to people in a professional way. Nothing sexual. Keep it clean.”

N: “I can tell a penis joke if the opportunity presents itself.”

K: “I would avoid penises at all costs.”

Candidly Nicole 5 08

Katherine briefly tells Nicole about her project and Nicole asks her if they can do some day drinking, because that is absolutely what I would do if I blogged all day.

Candidly Nicole 5 02

Candidly Nicole 5 03

Both via.

Katherine very politely rebuffs her, as she knew this was coming she prepared her professional face.

K: “We don’t tolerate any nonsense, really.”

N: “No nonsense. Wear a blazer.”

K: “Don’t show too much skin, like what you’ve got on.”

Katherine is funny and deadpan but does laugh at one of Nicole’s jokes and it’s really sweet.

Candidly Nicole 5 33

Katherine brings Nicole to work with an editor and it’s her new friend Peter! Katherine suggests a very reasonable project of doing a story on what women wear during a girls night out, and tells the two of them to go out and do some research. Nicole wants to take it one step further, for reasons that are totally unclear to me, and show the women then doing their dream jobs. “Let’s really get inside of their minds, you know?”

Candidly Nicole 5 11

N: “I think people want to know about my aspirations and dreams.”

K: “I think they just want to see what you wear.”

Candidly Nicole 5 13

Nicole tells Peter they’re going to do both and then nuzzles him to her boobs and he looks SO uncomfortable.

Candidly Nicole 5 14

Nicole and her new BFF Peter are at Ink (“restaurants are the new clubs”), talking about fashion. Nicole is trying very hard to toe the line of Katherine’s rules but she is bringing out Michael Voltaggio for, presumably, fashion advice. Peter does not seem on board with anything.

Candidly Nicole 5 15

Nicole asks him a serious of questions that aren’t at all fashion-related: “Is this your dream job?” “Do you believe in gluten?” “Do you sleep with any other chefs?” “What’s your favorite thing to make?”

Candidly Nicole 5 16

Forces poor Peter to drink a fancy concoction, though he does not think it is very professional to drink on the job.

In her interview, Nicole says, “Getting along is the most important thing in an office. I’m really excited to collaborate because I have the best ideas.”

Back at the WWW offices, Nicole is playing around with some models and barking orders at them.

Candidly Nicole 5 20

“Horny old man and I wanna touch you.” “Look at no one.” “Let’s get ratchet!”

This is one of my favorite scenes of any show I watched this summer.

This is one of my favorite scenes of any show I watched this summer.

K:”Where is Peter?”

N: “I just sent him to get juices.”

K: “A successful boss commands respect.”

Katherine, I don’t think Nicole wants to listen to your lectures. She already runs a successful company! I do hope she leaves the people management to someone else, though.

Candidly Nicole 5 21

Katherine looks at the notes from Michael Voltaggio’s restaurant and is very disappointed.

Nicole talks about Harlow 1960:”I haven’t really created boundaries in my company. Although once a lady cried in my driveway. It was insane.”

Candidly Nicole 5 22

Katherine is telling Nicole that commanding respect is more important as being someone’s friend, she wants to fire Peter, but Nicole talks her out of it. There is no way you should ever fire Peter, he is precious. I get lost thinking about how Katherine selected the person who would work with Nicole, how Peter was “cast” in this particular episode.

At the camera, Nicole is giving the best notes to the models: “Give me Iggy Izalea. Give me Jewish. Give me Asian. Think Fergie. Give me Solange in an elevator.”

Nicole promises to give Katherine the best story ever. We all know that’s not going to happen, right?

Candidly Nicole 5 23

As Nicole disagrees with Katherine’s robot-like management style, she goes to Peter and acts like a robot. “I was just trying to be more like Katherine.”

Proudly wearing her chef-y outfit.

Proudly wearing her chef-y outfit.

Nicole is really committed to this dream job story, huh? She’s going to Ink to train as a chef, makes a mean grilled cheese. Michael is nervous too because his restaurant is really busy.

Candidly Nicole 5 27

She’s kind of paying attention but is also terrible, she’s just firing orders. This is a job literally everyone ever can do. I am embarrassed for her. Michael says, “Everything she messes up I want to charge her for it at the end of the night.” And rightfully so!

Now here is where I wonder how fake everything is here. Would a Voltaggio risk his reputation to have a celebrity read tickets and a camera crew film everything? I’m thinking no.

Candidly Nicole 5 29

Michael makes her bring a remade order she fucked up to a couple. She tells them things don’t always have to be piping hot, and have they heard of the raw foods movement?

Candidly Nicole 5 30

Nicole spills shit all over the tickets. It is supremely gross.

This is a common Voltaggio expression. I watch a lot of Top Chef.

This is a common Voltaggio expression. I watch a lot of Top Chef.

Michael is pissed but she says “everything is just very aggressive here” and whines a lot. There is no way she’s doing this for real, she would have been sent packing several hours ago.

Candidly Nicole 5 35

She meets with Peter and Katherine wearing the back turtleneck again. She requests an extension on the project but Peter finished the story without Nicole and turned it in!

Candidly Nicole 5 37
K: “I’m sorry that she was such a distraction.”

P: “It was a great experience, really.” Peter is too nice.

Candidly Nicole 5 36

Nicole, of course, calls him the “worst,” and Catherine fires Nicole.

Candidly Nicole 5 39
N: “But we’re still friends?”
K: “Totally. Brunch on Sunday?”
N: “Brunch on Sunday!”

Candidly Nicole 5 40

{finger guns}

I really want to know how Nicole’s friend’s feel being put in her show and given roles to play. Is Katherine actually super serious? Did she really think firing Peter would have been a good idea? I’m sure the finger gun was genuine, though.

Next up: The return of Sofia and apparently a mysterious “90210 box” and a 90120 tour! Oh yay, that episode looks really fun!!

August 19, 2014
by katie
0 comments

Smart ladies love TV, Outlander recap, Castle Leoch

Previously on Outlander, English lass Claire ended up time travelling from 1945 to 1743 by touching the center stone of an ancient druid hedge in the Highlands of Scotland (the show is WAY better than that sounds. ALSO Scotland is so pretty).

Go back to bed Claire you are a mess.

Go back to bed Claire you’re a mess.

Last weeks episode “Sassenach” moved slowly, spending a lot of time focused on Claire and her marriage to Frank so we would know just how much she has lost since leaving 1945 (so many fun facts from historian Frank). This week “Castle Loech” moved faster but still took its time introducing us to Claire’s new home or more importantly, introducing Claire to her new home. The show is entirely filmed from Claire’s point of view which is interesting because Claire is new to this world so it makes her a rather unreliable narrator, as she has an entirely modern take on most situations. I also think by having sole focus on Claire the VO works rather well, even though Caitriona Balfe has an extremely effective use of her face it can only do so much expressing before telling everyone else what she is thinking so I like the little touch ins on what’s going on in Claire’s head via VO.

I am also really enjoying a show with a smart female lead. There has been a lot written about Claire being a feminist but I find her a pre-feminist a woman much like Peggy Olsen who is too driven to be just a secretary or house-wife and yet is also a product of a time period where those were the only professions available. Though Claire WAS a nurse during the war in 1945, after her second honeymoon she was about to become a house-wife–a life that I’m not so sure Claire would have loved especially if she and Frank did not have children. So it’s doubly interesting to have the character who is already driven to be more than society expects of her and to transport her to the 18th century where being a woman especially one who is NOT willing to downplay her intelligence is NOT a benefit and could be potentially hazardous to ones safety. Mainly I’m really interested in Claire’s journey in the 18th century (I would also be really excited if Claire was joined in 1743 by Peggy that would be the best ever, imagine Pegs in Scotland in the 18th century).

Now that’s enough analysis, let’s get into the good stuff like cunnilingus and hot dudes in kilts –spoiler alert no cunnilingus this episode in fact this episode HAD none of the sexy stuff last week had BUT it did have a half-naked Jamie.

outlander_EP02_castleleoch

RAWR!

Claire and her protector/captors arrive at Castle Loech which she had previously visited with Frank (and had FUN TIMES –I feel like sex is the only thing I can truly make fun of about this show). Claire is muddy and practically half-naked based on 18th century fashion. The band is greeted by Mistress Fitzgibbons who is the housekeeper (den mother) of Castle Loech. Mrs. Fitz (as the call her) doesn’t know quite what to make of our Claire at first but is very helpful in helping Claire help Jamie with his shoulder and to get her some appropriate clothes.

Mrs. Fitz brings Claire the necessary ingredients to fix Jamie’s shoulder, which include garlic and witch hazel (Claire is the QUEEN of herbal medicine). This also means that Jamie must hang out without a shirt (a win for us all). We also get to see the scars of not one, but two floggings on his back (this only makes him sexier).

Jamie and his mooney eyes.

Jamie and his mooney eyes.

Jamie tells us his tale of woe about being flogged by Captain Randall AKA Frank’s nefarious and rapist ancestor Black Jack Randall. Jamie was arrested by Randall and taken to Fort William (a really fun 18th century prison) for obstructing the rape of his sister, Jenny. Jamie was whipped and knocked out with his last vision of Jenny going with Randall in an effort to save Jamie’s life. Black Jack Randall is a real winner; and by winner, I mean complete and total sadistic bastard. Jamie flirts a bit with Claire and then makes her sad by mentioning her husband. He embraces her and she breaks away when the sexual tension becomes too great (I too would have a hard-time making out with Jamie if he was giving me those mooney eyes). Jamie promises that no one will hurt her as long as he is with her and to remember she is English while they are apart (basically he tells her to keep her mouth shut and her head down, spoiler alert Claire will do the opposite of this a lot).

After taking a much-needed nap, Claire is awoken by Mrs. Fitz. She informs her that Claire has an audience with the MacKenzie AKA Laird Colum MacKenzie the lord himself. The show slows down and strips Claire of 1945 and dresses her in 1743. Claire’s bra is cute, it’s sad that Mrs. Fitz basically gives it the side-eye and throws it away. Also since this is pay cable Claire is NAKED AGAIN.

outlander_EP02_castleleoch_2

While waiting to meet the MacKenzie, Claire looks at a letter on his desk and finds out that she is in the year 1743. Claire meets the crippled Colum MacKenzie. They initially sort of bond over reading. Colum gently interrogates Claire, who uses more fun facts from Frank’s time as a super spy; basically she crafts a tale that is more or less based on the truth minus the whole time traveling thing. I’m so pleased that the show is finding ways to insert Frank fun facts even though Frank is no longer in the picture. Claire kind-of-sort-of passes the interrogation. Colum tells her that she can leave for Inverness in five days. Claire also gives Colum a lesson in rape culture (well if one has traveled back in time one must try and make a difference).

outlander_EP02_castleleoch_6

Claire goes to dinner and even in the 18th century it’s awkward on the first day in the cafeteria. Dougal moves so that Claire can sit at the main table in between the brothers MacKenzie. Colum keeps plying Claire with booze to further interrogate her about her secrets. Claire gets pretty drunk and then she puts her foot in it when talking to COLUM’S son Hamish because she mistakes his father as DOUGAL this creates quite the stir and Claire excuses herself (I’m betting there is some truth to this).

That's it Claire booze it up.

That’s it Claire, booze it up.

Claire goes to change Jamie’s bandages and notices that she is being followed by Rupert, one of Dougal’s men. Claire finds Jamie at the stables (of course he is good with horses). Claire spooks the horse Jamie is trying to break and the poor chap falls over (it’s a good thing for Jamie that he has becomes friends with a nurse because I’m beginning to believe he is quite accident prone. As of the second episode he has had a dislocated shoulder, been shot, fallen off a horse, AND now fallen over). Jamie informs Claire that he has to use a fake last name because he is a wanted man for murder (but it’s cool he didn’t actually kill the dude he just escaped Fort William and Black Jack Randall is a dick). I’m upset that Claire didn’t make him strip to his kilt while they ate lunch and chatted (Claire help us out here). We also find out that Jamie is the nephew of Colum and Dougal. Jamie is cock-blocked by his boss but he does get in a few flirty lines with Claire before he leaves.

outlander_EP02_castleleoch_7

On her way back to the castle, Claire accosts her stalker and finds out Dougal is having her watched. Claire immediately goes to confront Dougal (Claire will not be stopped). Dougal doesn’t harm her but does accuse her of being an English spy because he can tell she is lying about who she is. Claire tells him that she will be pretty boring over the next four days when she is to leave to go to Inverness. Dougal is shocked (SHOCKED I TELLS YA) that Colum didn’t let him know that he was letting Claire go (I smell tension between the brothers and so does Claire).

While hanging out and trying to keep a low profile Mrs. Fitz has Claire gather herbs and vegetables for the kitchen. While out and about picking mushrooms she is alerted to their poisonous nature by the ginger haired Geillis (Geilie) Duncan, Claire (who might be a know-it-all, not a criticism as I too am often perceived as a know-it-all) corrects that if ingested they are poisonous but that SHE is going to dry them and use them to stop bleeding.  Geilie is like, “bitch, I know medicinal herbs” and points out a flower that can be used as an abortifacient. Geilie comes off as mysterious and kind of dangerous (it’s the ginger hair). At one point she mentions that people in the village think she is a witch. I really enjoy Geilie she is an asshole and knows it (she totally laughs when Claire hits her head on the tree). Everything out of her mouth is droll and hidden in double meaning –Claire this woman is either your BFF OR she will get you burned at the stake either way I think it will be super FUN! Geilie informs her that in the evening the MacKenzie will be holding court AKA the 18th century version of judge Judy (even though this show proves over and over again the 18th century has no place for sassy women).

outlander_EP02_castleleoch_8

Oh Claire.

At court Claire sits with Geilie (because you always want to sit with the catty asshole at court). Geilie also translates the Gaelic for Claire. The last case is a poor girl who has been accused of loose behavior (oh dear). They sentence the girl to a beating but Jamie says he will take the beating for her if the MacKenzie allows. Claire is none-too-pleased that an injured Jamie is going to get punched until he bleeds (Claire is devoted to her patients AND probably does NOT want that pretty face bruised). Dougal lets Jamie get beat by Rupert longer then he should (Jamie has shitty relatives). At one point Claire moves to stop the beating (because Claire is kind of a danger to herself) BUT thankfully she has Geilie who is like bitch step back (Geillie is totally the type of friend who would hold your hair back while you puke AND post pictures of it on Facebook –FUN). Claire and Jamie have a night-cap in the kitchen (Claire also cleans his wounds, again Jamie is a handsome walking disaster). We find out that the girl is Mrs. Fitz’s granddaughter who then goes and ruins Jamie and Claire’s emotional farewell.

Claire is about to leave for Inverness when she is called back into the castle by Dougal who takes her to Colum. Colum is in the apothecary room of the castle. He informs Claire that they once had an healer from the Clan Beeton and wonders if she is a distant relative. The healer died of a fever. He asks Claire if she too is a healer, she says she has an interest. He tells her that she is going to stay and be the healer for the castle. She accuses him of doing it because of Dougal and his spies. He informs her that he is the Laird and he is keeping her here until he decides if her secrets will hurt the clan. She then accuses him of making her a prisoner but he says only if she tries to leave. Meanwhile Claire gets her own medical practice –it’s better than a dungeon.

outlander_EP02_castleleoch_4

Thanks Frank! Keep those fun facts coming they just might save us all.

Next week Claire gets accused of being a witch (show of hands of those who didn’t see that coming).

Gifs from heughannedmargaeryestyrelloutlander-starztonoelwithlovemrsassenachmicdotcombriannaefraser, and malacarmina.

August 18, 2014
by katie
0 comments

Smart ladies love dumb TV, True Blood recap, Love is to Die

Pam_TrueBlood

Be prepared for the onslaught of Pam gifs because I only love Pam, Pam is my queen. [Pam is ALSO my queen! -M]

Previously on True Blood, Eric was cured and Bill refused to live.

This week in Beyoncé

Beyonce Partition 2

Both via.

Both via.

Because she did a song about fucking in a limo (“Partition”), the performance was full of writhing and sexing with something that looked like a car seat. It was weird and uncomfortable. I would rather just watch her put her vagina on Jay-Z’s face than this dentist’s chair. Bey also showed us her O Face:

This week in Bon Temps

  • Jessica and Sookie plead with Bill but he sticks to his guns about facing the true death. Jessica demands Bill release her from being his progeny. It would be moving if I weren’t so fucking done with this show for which I apologize, as a recapper I should care as to why I am doing this and honestly right now I feel it’s just because it’s almost over and I am committed to seeing it through till the end. The best bit is that Eric comforts Sookie and Pam comforts Jessica BUT also tells her that if she ruins her jacket she will have to pay for it (I am not over Pam & I will never be over Pam).

TrueBlood_EP709_MOREPAM

  • Jessica and Sookie end up at Sam’s trailer but find it empty (thank god Sam wised up and left with Nicole). He wrote Sookie a goodbye letter. I think we are supposed to feel bad that Sookie is being left by all of her men.
  • Arlene has decided to open up the bar and party until customers show up. I love Arlene. Sam apparently left Andy a letter too, his resignation.
  • James apologizes to Jessica. Jessica also apologizes to James. James admits he and Lala will be happy. I wish that we got to see them happy for that is a show I would rather watch.
  • Hoyt and his girlfriend get into a fight about Hoyt NOT wanting children and his pull towards Jessica. I find this a giant waste of time, time that could be spent with Pam. MORE PAM! Jessica shows up. Bridget makes him choose between her and Jessica. Hoyt chooses Jessica. I guess with the addition of Jessica this is more interesting but I still wish I was just watching Pam. I want all Pam all the time. Hoyt and Jessica hug. Jason gets a call from Bridget and goes to Hoyt’s. [UGH. This is why you need to be up front with your partner about wanting/not wanting kids. He will leave you for a vampire he sees in her underwear. -M]

Pam_TrueBlood

  • Sookie is moping at Arlene’s reopening party. After a talk with Arlene she joins the party. Why isn’t this more of Arlene and Lala drunk dancing.
  • Eric goes to talk to Bill on Sookie’s behalf. Bill wants to die to set her free because he has done terrible things to her yet she always comes back. He asks Eric to talk to her to convince her to hear Bill out. Dear Sookie, stop dating people who are 150 to 1000 years older than you because they treat you like a child who doesn’t know any better.
  • Jason gets to Hoyt’s and Hoyt knocks him out. I guess Jessica finally got to the part in her love story with Hoyt about the time she cheated on him with Jason.  Bridget takes Jason home but he tells her that they will NOT be having sex.
  • The Yakuza bring Sarah upstairs for Pam to dye her hair back to blonde–for reals. DON’T WASTE PAM, SHOW. Also I want to watch Pam and Sarah braid each others’ hair.
  • Jason shows off his telephone flirting skills for Bridget –AGAIN, I WANT MORE PAM.

TrueBlood_MOREPAM

  • AND we get more Jessica and Hoyt deciding to get back together. This show is terrible to the people who have stuck with it for seven years. I would rather spend time with Sookie then Jessica and Hoyt. It’s the penultimate episode of the entire fucking series and we are just treading water with tertiary characters.
  • PAM calls Sarah twat-lips and it’s awesome. Pam reminisces about her time as the madame of a whorehouse. She tells Sarah that they are going to sell her to rich sick vampires which will make her the highest paid whore in history. Pam makes this sound awesome because it’s Pam and she is the best.
  • More Jason and Bridget…SNOOZE….MORE PAM NOW…
  • Eric talks to Sookie about Bill. Eric convinces her to talk to Bill and then flies her home.
  • And we are back to Jason and Bridget –REALLY?

Pam Swynford De Beaufort

  • Eric drops Sookie at home and he tells her goodbye –SHE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU, SASSY VIKING. [Sookie and the reanimated corpse of Joey Man should run away together. -M]
  • GINGER! Eric offers himself to Ginger. She tells him she wants to fuck him on the throne–it might be all of the crap we have slogged through to this point, but this makes me laugh hysterically. Ginger is so fucking enthused it’s great –it doesn’t make up for all of the boring shit this episode but it reminds me why I have watched seven seasons of this show especially when Ginger falls to the floor after 30 seconds of possible fucking, I’m not sure if actual penetration happens before Ginger collapses on the floor.
  • Eric finds Pam chained up in the dungeon. Mr. Gus Jr. is really angry about Sookie knowing about Sarah (I guess Sarah told when Pam was dyeing her hair. The show really dropped the editing ball on this just so it’s a “dramatic surprise” for Eric to find Pam in chains.). It looks like Eric might have to choose between Pam or Sookie. Nothing bad better happen to Pam, but I really do not like the idea of making Eric choose because that is lazy writing (HAHAHAHAHAHA TRUE BLOOD LAZY WRITING).
  • We end with Bill at Sookie’s door.

TrueBlood_PAM

The Good…

Ginger finally getting what she wants the most.

The Bad…

TrueBlood_MOREPAM_a TrueBlood_MOREPAM_b

So much time spent with Jessica, Jason, and Hoyt and not enough time spent with Arlene, Lala, Eric, Pam or even Sookie –that’s right I would have rather dealt with Bill and Sookie then all of the boring stuff about Jason and Jessica which I mostly ignored.

The WTF?

Ginger again was fabulous. Also if they harm Pam I will be super pissed–Pam must survive next Sunday.

Next week is the end –thank god.

Gifs from vampiresarechildrenofthenight and gifthetv.