Smart ladies love to ask WTF, JBiebs


OR isn’t it time we deported this douche back to Canada…

OR aren’t Beliebers the worst (answer: no, Little Monsters are but Beliebers are close)…

OR what did Selena Gomez (a delightful actress) ever see in him…

OR is he the biggest single example of white privileged entitlement EVER…

Who me???

Who me???

This post could have so, so many titles and unlike my last WTF? posts which were about Amanda Bynes (which I would like to state, I thought the whole thing was because she was on pot, not that she was crazy, and therefore I only feel slightly bad for writing them –get better Amanda we loved you in What a Girl Wants, seriously we saw it in the theater) but I quite frankly don’t give a shit about WHY Justin Bieber has gone off the rails because I guarantee that the underlying problem with this asshole (oh expect swearing cause I don’t think you can talk about him without it) is that he is a white male of profound privilege who doesn’t give two shits about anyone other than himself.


So here, kids, is the JBiebs list of debauchery and douchbaggery (it was going to be a timeline but this kid has like a million douchey things on TMZ and most of it they have videos for so I’m limiting it to the big shit he has done in 2013 and in the first 29 days of 2014)…

Kate McKinnon Justin Bieber 2

We will start our list in March of 2013 when his monkey was confiscated by Germany. As of November Bieber owed the government of Germany $11,000 for the monkey’s upkeep.


In July of 2013 a video surfaces of the ever-classy Bieber pissing into a bucket at a restaurant –WINNER!

Here are chefs and totally awesome dudes Anthony Bourdain and Mario Batali explaining why peeing into a bucket at a restaurant is completely terrible if you didn’t think that to begin with. Also, they are extremely funny.

In October while filming a video Bieber is carried by bodyguards up the stairs at Great Wall of China –BADASS! [Can’t he fucking walk? Does he not have two legs and is able-bodied? -M]


In mid December Biebs announced he was to retire after his next album, unfortunately Biebs was confused by what the word retiring meant. In reality he meant, “I’m going to take my time (next year) to really find my sound as an adult. That takes time and patience, and I’m grateful I have the ability to step back and focus on my creativity.”

In January he egged his neighbor’s house cause that’s what Jesus meant when he said love thy neighbor. The alleged egging caused his neighbor $20,000 in damages because of his super fancy Venetian plaster. The LAPD searched his house since the amount of damage makes it felony vandalism and his friend was arrested for cocaine possession. We at SLLS give sincere thanks to this tweet by Supernatural star Jared Padalecki which set off a war between the Supernatural fandom on Tumblr and the Beliebers on Twitter (we follow a bunch of people into Supernatural and this was a HIGHLIGHT of last week).

Also this January the Biebs blew $75,000 at a Miami strip club AND then was arrested for drunk-driving, drag racing, drug possession, and verbally but non-violently resisting arrest –FUN! It has been reported that Bieber told cops his mother for gave him the Xanax and his father has been scrutinized for driving one of the SUVs that blocked traffic for the illegal racing –this could be part of his problem parents who refuse to set limits.  JBiebs will be arraigned on Valentines day.


After his arrest Justin went to Panama for a fun and relaxing vacation (let’s hope he doesn’t tag or get caught tagging since he has been in trouble for graffiti in not one but three different nations Australia, Columbia, and Brazil in the past year). Things ARE looking up on January 29th it was reported that his manager Scooter Braun and Usher (Biebs mentor) had gone to Panama to save Justin.


But now JBiebs is Obama’s problem as of today the petition on We the People to deport Biebs back to Canada has reached 160,000+ signatures and therefore will be sent to the administration–EVERYONE WINS!

See more US News from ABC|ABC World News

Not that Canada really wants him back–last night Biebs turned himself into police for charges regarding the assault of a limo driver in December. He will appear in court on March 10th. The below video is a news report from the CBC (I want Canadian news they have humor and politeness, it reminded me of World News Now with Anderson Cooper and Juju Chang).

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