I started to become upset that all of our “love to hate” posts were about women. I have a degree in Women’s Studies! I love women! So I began to list all of my least favorite dudes… and it was hard! These five men (ok, one is a band) are some of the most despicable people in my life.
The charge: being gross in interviews.
The verdict: Look, I think Sarah Jessica Parker is awesome. In 1992, he told Entertainment Weekly, “I get Sarah Jessica Parker, this hard–bodied girl, and I don’t get two seconds in bed with her during the entire movie [Honeymoon in Vegas, which I saw in the theater when I was thirteen]. Something isn’t right here.” I read that interview when it appeared in EW. I have hated him ever since. The words “hard-bodied” totally freak me out now, since I always picture him saying that. GUILTY.
The charge: being fucking creepy
The verdict: My high school boyfriend was obsessed with The Last Temptation of Christ and we watched it at least 30 times together. It really solidified my hatred of the Defoe. Spider-Man. Shadow of the Vampire. Body of Evidence. The English Patient. He built his career on being a fucking creep. [exempt: Klaus in The Life Aquatic. I love that crazy German!] GUILTY.
The charge: being the worst band in the of history time for unleashing “Fix You” on the world
The verdict: This song has directly led to two of the worst episodes of television I have ever seen. The Newsroom built an episode around the theme of fixing the fucked up women of the show. Will treats Hope Davis like crap for working at a gossip rag. Maggie freaking out about Jim dating her roommate. All set to Coldplay. Then there’s Glee, where Will Schuester (we’ll get to him later) sings the song to his girlfriend about her OCD. The rest of the episode was funny, but this scene was so sexist & soured my memory of “Asian F.” People with psychological disorders do not want to be “fixed,” especially by a greasy man-child. GUILTY.
The charge: ruining 2011
The verdict: While everyone else in American laughed at Charlie Sheen’s breakdown, throwing “tiger blood” into casual conversation, I was busy stewing in the corner wondering when it was going to be over. I guess I liked his 80s movie career but I did not enjoy him on Spin City or Two and a Half Men. But, you’ll say, those characters were assholes on purpose! It was a fun play on Sheen’s own personal struggles! I say: you can keep that sexist shithead. GUILTY.
Will Schuester (Matthew Morrison)
The charge: being a terrible rapper and getting too involved in his students’ lives
The verdict: I know you’re wondering why I’m writing about a TV character, but I can do whatever the fuck I want, it’s my post! Anyway, Will is a dick. He believed Terri was pregnant for so long, even though it was obviously fake. BONEHEAD. He ingratiates himself into every one of his students’ lives. He’s a horrible Spanish teacher, and also racist and culturally insensitive. He wants to “fix” Emma (see above). He is the worst white guy rapper ever. I could really talk about how awful he is all day. GUILTY.
Pictures from Entertainment Weekly (James Caan, Coldplay, and Charlie Sheen), The Gaurdian (Willem Dafoe), and AfterElton/Fox (Glee).