Smart ladies love to hate E!

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Giuliana 1

Both via.

Both via.

I have had this post in draft for months–I mainly started it due to my annoyance with the channel’s terrible red carpet coverage and constant buttlicking of the Kardashians. But then shit got real fucked up. Giuliana Rancic said something racist on Fashion Police, then Kelly Osbourne quit, then Kathy Griffin, and now Giuliana is defending herself against bullies on morning TV (and also pushing her book). If it weren’t for The Soup and the (adorable) new Grace Helbig Show, I would demand Fios remove E! from my cable package all together. It’s a mess. Here are some of my least favorite things about it.

[Additionally, it goes without saying that I fully enjoyed two no-longer existing E! shows, Chasing the Saturdays and The Wanted Life. Ryan Seacrest KNOWS how to produce quality non-scripted television.]

E! News

Jules  + Steve 4EVA. Via.

Jules + Steve 4EVA. Via.

I have been watching E! News since the days of Jules Asner and Steve Kmetko AKA the best entertainment hosts ever, when Ted Casablanca would show up and say something pithy about celebrities and we would all laugh [OH GOD I MISS THOSE DAYS! -K]. I still watch this show randomly and it is awful. There are so many hosts/interviewers/randos who pop in and out, including the devil herself, Giuliana; Ali, a former Bachelorette; bland friend of Nicole Richie, Jason Kennedy (fun fact: he leads a Bible study that celebrities attend to rehab their image); the least appealing British woman ever on TV; Catt, who was tacked on the broadcast when her show The Daily 10 was cancelled; and Terrence J, a former host of BET’s 106 & Park who is too good for this shit. He’s actually friends with celebrities and does not worship them from afar, like G, so his interviews are not cringe-y [G’s celebrity worship makes me so uncomfortable. -K].

And then there’s the weekly shill of ugly discounted crap, Love It, Buy It!. Once a week, usually the day I accidentally watch it, some lady spends a whole segment with G trying to get viewers to buy 90% off “leather” bags that are “so hot right now” and face masks made of gold (seriously). It makes my skin crawl–I mute it as fast as I do performances by awkward teens on American Idol and The Voice.

G is on her book tour, so this is Terrence J, Catt & Jason.

G is on her book tour, so this is Terrence J, Catt & Jason.

The writers and “reporters” insert all kinds of judgement into their readings. For instance, when Amal Clooney went out with her husband, the team mentioned that her cape “reportedly” cost $4000. I think it would have been pretty easy to verify that information on Farfetch or Net-A-Porter when that cape was still available, so no need to use that word. Also, I don’t think I have ever heard them mention the cost of someone’s clothing. Amal is a brilliant human rights lawyer who works really hard, loves fashion, and is married to one of the richest actors in the world, so if she wants a $4000 fringed Saint Laurent cape she can have a $4000 fringed Saint Laurent cape, thankyouverymuch. [Amal can have whatever the fuck she wants. I loved her gloves goddammit! -K]

Finally, I am not sure what Kristin Dos Santos did to deserve being on this show. She is a good TV reporter, and should probably write online for an outlet that doesn’t take ten minutes for their ad-and-flash-heavy pages to load. [Poor Kristin maybe she has massive debt. Like maybe Kristen is addicted to internet shopping –no judgement as I to suffer from what I like to call amazonemia in which I must cure by buying more stuff on Amazon. -K]

The Kardashians

E! pays these fools so much money that they can never say anything critical about them. For instance, take Khloe’s public slut-shaming of Amber Rose–E! was not able to be critical at all of the bullying Khloe and her family were participating in (also, none of the otherwise-opinionated E! News hosts have criticized Kylie for dating a grown man with a kid). For a channel as devoted to celebrity gossip as this one, they really stay out of anything Kardashian-related, in hopes that they get that all-important exclusive interview with Kris.

Kardashian 1

Both via.

Both via.

This year, Khloe was critiquing Oscar fashion and her name has been bandied around as a possible replacement for Kelly/Kathy/G on Fashion Police, probably because she has a deal with E! and is already in the family (read:cheap). It pains me to say it because she is clearly the Kardashian with the best personality, but we know Khloe’s not a great live host and I did not like her on the Oscar coverage this year. [Between her and G it was double cringe worthy. -K]

Geordie Shore 1

Both via.

Both via.

In England, there are always at least 50 people famous for being famous that are in the Mirror every week, including Jordan/Katie Price, and the “stars” of TOWIE and Geordie Shore. In America, we really only have the Kardashians right now, and that is a damn shame. [Full disclosure: I will watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians before any other non-competition reality show.]

Red Carpet Coverage

First, the good: Ryan Seacrest is fantastic (SO profesh) and I love when they let Terrence J show up at music awards and interview his friends. That is it. Both these dudes do their research and ask legitimate questions.

Giuliana Lady Gaga 1

Both via.

Both via.

The bad: everything else. Most notably, Giuliana sucks at conversing with celebrities. She never seems prepared and she constantly asks people about their workout routine. “How did you lose the baby weight?” “What do you do for exercise?” I am sure celebrities have not-great body images and practice disordered eating and are workout-crazy (unfortunately, just like normal people), so I hate that she always brings up issues that for some people can be very triggering. This is what I do not understand about G whining about be bullied for being too thin: she is obsessed with being thin. It is seriously all she talks about. That and how she is in love with George Clooney (groan).

However, during the Oscars this year, G was stationed far from the red carpet, probably due to her poor job performance, leaving Ryan to be the only celebrity interviewer. He could not keep up with the number of stars, and to give him a break, E! often cut to long periods of fashion critique, so I eventually switched to ABC, where I didn’t have to hear Khloe talk about how she hated Naomi Watts’ dress or witness Kelly never say a bad thing about any outfit.

I feel like their coverage is all gimmicks (mani cam, shoe cam, 360 degree camera) and very little actual substance. For all the talk about the channel’s fashion coverage (including Fashion Police), I very rarely agree with any of the talking heads. Except Brad Goreski (god bless him), they all had very mainstream-to-fugly fashion preferences. I know it’s middle America and all, but if you really want to be serious about fashion you will learn to appreciate the avant garde and different.

I guess E! believes the mantra:

Including me. Someone please make this channel better! I love fashion and celebrities and fluffy things but not when it’s presented in such a shallow, shitty way.

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