Ryan Seacrest is pretty much the worst. I hate him and often yell “SHUT UP DOUCHE!” when he’s interviewing people during E!s red carpet coverage, and I hate his bad jokes and banter on American Idol. And yet, when I think about X Factor US and how god-awful it is, I often ponder how much better it would be if Seacrest was hosting it.
Here are some reasons to hate Seacrest.
1. He has brought the following to E! and other networks: Keeping up with the Kardashians, Married to Jonas, Denise Richards: It’s Complicated, Shahs of Sunset, and Melissa & Tye.
I like the Kardashians–it’s probably the only bad reality show that I watch. But the Kardashians beget all that other crap and Ryan Seacrest is to blame for all of it. Well, not the Bill and Guiliana show, as he did not produce that. While I’m sure he will say all his shows are a “reaction” to celebrity-obsessed culture, I can’t help but think he has helped perpetuate the celeb craze of the early to mid-aughts into its current stage. He also says there’s no end to the Kardashians in sight.
2. His uncomfortable homophobic banter with Simon Cowell.
For someone who is constantly battling rumors of homosexuality, Seacrest sure seems to hate same sex relationships. [This video contains DUNKELMAN and some really hiddy fashion/blonde-tipped hair on Seacrest.]
3. He will live forever.
This is fact. He will do it just to spite us and all of our children.
4. He tweets inappropriate things.
This one pictured was just on Jezebel, but he REALLY likes to tweet about pee, as well as his strange food habits, while barely promoting the shows he produces, and trying to start bizarre hashtags. It’s like he wants to be normal but he doesn’t know how. FYI, Patton Oswalt is far more entertaining. Katie and I LOVE his Downton tweets.
5. His relationship makes everyone feel squeamish.
So far I have loved Julianne Hough in everything (Footloose 2011, Rock of Ages), but that does not mean I need to see her on E! News more than I see other startlets. She’s an easy “get” and her “boyfriend” makes E! gagillions of dollars a year, sure. But she was in Dancing with the Stars and some dancing movies. Please cover Jennifer Lawrence like everyone else.
6. Part of the evil E! red carpet empire with the devil herself, Giuliana Rancic.
Admittedly, my biggest issue with this is that he doesn’t tell Giuliana to shut the fuck up like he should. Until she adopted a baby she only asked stars what they did to lost weight. Now she’s obsessed with asking them about their children. Ryan, you have all the power here. FIRE HER.