Sunday night while watching Mad Men I started to text Melissa a letter I would send to Megan Draper and this POST was born. Here you have it the first ever SLLS letters to our favorite heroines.
Dear Megan Draper,
First, your clothes are to die for; second, I enjoy your work on the soap (I love TWINS on soaps –hey there, Julianne Moore); and thirdly, your marriage is terrible. Run away before you get pregnant and you are stuck with that asshole forever. [We are the biggest Megan lovers we know. I hope she finds a hot young dude to bone. -M]
Dear Peggy Olson,
You are my hero! Now that that’s over, lets talk about you and Ted. Ted is your boss and will only get you the office side-eye. Date Stan; he is your friend and thinks you have a nice ass. He is also really hot and has a fabulous beard. [This Ted thing is turning a weird teenage obsession. I’ve been there, girl. STAN IS SO HOT. GET IT. -M]
Dear Betty Draper Harris,
You are fabulous. We congratulate you on your weight loss (though we don’t approve of how speedy you lost those last pesky 20 pounds). We know that you often feel like you are a terrible mother but I would counter that you do an excellent job while dealing with crippling depression and feelings of powerlessness. [Betty, please find a new shrink who will give you some good drugs because you deserve happiness. It is not your fault your parents totally fucked you up.-M]
Dear Sally Draper,
Go to boarding school then Sarah Lawrence. Become the exact opposite of your mother (truthfully I think she desperately wants you to do this). Go work for MS magazine. [Sally Draper, future feminist. I need this to happen. -M]
Dear Sarah Linden,
Get new sweaters, in fact throw out all of your sweaters and buy long-sleeve shirts and cardigans. Also go and get a new hair cut. I think these things will make you feel better. Move to Chicago to be a better mother for Jack, take Holder and Bullet with you.
Hart of Dixie
Dear Dr. Zoe Hart,
It is a terrible terrible burden you have trying to choose between “Hot Neighbor Wade” and “Jason Street.” I’m not sure I would be able to do it either. I would however encourage you in finding a female friend your own age, you and Anna Beth enjoyed each other and now that you and Lemon are on better terms maybe she won’t mind you guys being friends. [I don’t understand why your only female friend is 14. You and Lemon should go shopping together in Mobile! -M]
Dear Lemon Breeland,
Thank you for toning down the 50’s house wife clothes and instead going for Anthropologie casual. I am also glad you stopped wearing yellow. I am also enjoying you trying to make a life for yourself. I do think that you should sleep with “Hot Co-Owner Wade,” just so that you can see what all of the fuss is about. [Lemon , stop worrying about your daddy’s love life. But I do want all of your clothes so I think that’s a step in the right direction of your transformation. -M]
Dear Pamela Swynford De Beaufort,
Eric is currently a bad BFF. Tara on the other hand wants to be your friend and some. Stop taking out your anger on Tara and let Eric hang-out with his sister, eventually he will realize that she is the worst and then you can enjoy making him grovel.
Dear Tara Thornton,
After so many weeks/months/years (time moves so SLOW in Bon Temps) as being a perpetual victim you are now a badass continue to try and help Pam. I am enjoying your feminist speeches.
Dear Sookie Stackhouse,
Be more fun.
Game of Thrones
Dear Arya Stark,
Hang in there kid, shit is bound to start looking better. [Stick with the Hound, he’s like a timid bear under all the killing. -M]
Dear Sansa Lannister nee Stark,
Yes Tyrion’s father killed your family but HE didn’t and he is such a funny guy and HOT, even with the scar. [I would also advise you to lighten the fuck up. -M]
Dear Cersei Baratheon nee Lannister,
Continue to only drink wine and not eat food it’s good for your wit. I also wish you would be nicer to Tyrion. [I agree with the wine. Don’t go totally soft on us, I would be far less entertained. -M]
Dear Margaery Tyrell,
Ditch that boy king and find someone who understands your true genius/bitchy skillz. [Also tell your grandma we LOVE her! -K]
Beauty and the Beast
Yes, Joe is hot but he is also your boss, you are smarter than this. Thanks for always being the smartest person in the NYPD cause Catherine is kind of dumb when it comes to Vincent.
Stop fighting with Vincent over dumb repetitive shit. Be more inclusive with your plans and by inclusive I mean run them by Tess first cause she is smarter than you. You should run them by JT. In fact you and Vincent should just run everything you do by Tess and JT before you do anything.
Dear Sloan Sabbith,
Quit News Night ASAP and go somewhere where your two PhDs in Economics (??) can be appreciated. Those people are fucked up. Will hates Hope Davis. HOW CAN ANYONE HATE HOPE DAVIS?
Chasing The Saturdays
Dear Frankie Sandford,
Congratulations on your engagement and impending motherhood. Now take out those stupid extensions they are the worst. [AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Frankie, you are a short hair person, just admit that. Maybe you’re going to pull these out when your hair is bob-length? -M]
Parks and Recreation
Dear Ann Perkins,
You will be a fantastic mother, you have been mothering Leslie, Andy, Chris, and April for years. You are also a beautiful moon flower who will have beautiful moon babies. [Ann Perkins, you are the unsung hero of the Parks Department. Please find a new boyfriend that does not work for the city government. -M]
Dear Leslie Knope,
OH LESLIE, thank you so much for being on TV. You are our HERO. We also agree that waffles are indeed the best breakfast food. [I want waffles just looking at this. But honestly, thank you Leslie for being my TV feminist role model. -M]
The Mindy Project
Dear Dr. Mindy Lahiri,
I really like you with Casey AKA Anders. And I think your apartment and clothes are super cute and I love your smart ass lines. However, I think you should spend more time on your practice and less time changing your friends so much. It’s confusing. [Also don’t date Danny. You and Danny are Ron and Leslie you are not romantically compatible you are BFF compatible. Please listen to me! -K]