via GIPHY

I am so excited to get back into awards season AKA drooling over pretty clothes worn by the Maras and making fun of fug shit. It is my favorite pastime. I also just bought a new laptop to hopefully help make my posting more frequent.

via GIPHY

While no Maras appeared, last night’s VMAs were the expected series of tweetable moments (many of them gif-ed here) and fascinating performances. Usually I don’t add models to these recaps because it’s not fair to all the artists who are not professional clothes-hangers, but most of them chose poorly, so they were included.

via GIPHY

via GIPHY

Best Dressed

Great job, Hailee Steinfeld! You look better than anyone else at this major awards show, even the models! LOVE THAT CHOKER. Give your stylist a raise.

I love this! It is so classy and yet still VMA appropriate. ALSO she isn’t naked –praise be! -K

Taylor Swift BFF Karlie Kloss looks SO COOL, even when showing a ton of sideboob. Also, this dress has pockets!

I love this color and her hair is so pretty. I also love the sandals. More of these ladies should rock low to flat heals. -K

I love a patterned suit, and Jussie Smollett’s is gorgeous and fits perfectly.

FOXY! I want Empire back on my TV STAT! -K

OBSESSED with Molly Tarlov’s collared mini.

I have no idea who this person is but she is cute. -K

Taylor Swift always knows what event she is going to–check out that fabulous eyeliner!–and her footwear makes everyone’s plain sandals looks sad.

This looks comfortable AND it’s sparkly. I want sparkly pjs now. -K

Pharrell Williams looks great, but once again, it’s his wife Helen Lasichanh who stands out to me as the most contemporary.

They looks so adorable together. As with any hot couple I want them to procreate immediately. -K

Selena Gomez’ dress should be a skosh longer, but I adore her platforms and her hair looks luscious.

She is just the best. -K

I applaud Rachel Smith for this bold highlighter green color choice; however, I wish she picked different shoes.

I don’t know who this person is. I had a Barbie dress that looked exactly like this when I was a kid that I LOVED. -K

Is Miguel in best dressed because I think he’s dreamy and love his music? WHO CARES!! He looks hot.

RAWR. -K

Tori Kelly’s one-piece is completely event-appropriate, despite the fit issues in the crotch and the inclusion of black lace.

Her hair is amazing. Who is she? The VMAs make me feel ancient. -K

Mariska Hargitay is giving serious Witches of Eastwick vibes that I am TOTALLY digging.

Finally someone I know and who is older than me –WIN!!! -K

Rebel Wilson’s punky hair and dress are fantastic, but those shoes? NOT SO MUCH.

Her lipstick is AMAZING. I wish her shoes were a black and white pattern. -K

Normally I would ding Emily Ratajkowski for the boots, but her femme fatale look is very rock and roll.

I love this dress, hate the boots. I also have no clue who she is. -K [Gone Girl and that movie where Zac Efron is the DJ. I feel I have to note these things so I can remember. -M]

I don’t love the sleeve shape on Holland Roden’s cute dress. Beautiful makeup, though!

Who? -K [She is on Teen Wolf! I don’t watch it either. -M]

Kat Graham, Played

I’m so glad Kat Graham actually picked something to get her into this category. Kat here is always a delight on the red carpet. Even though this dress is awful, she makes me like it by oozing charm. This is a skill even most models haven’t learned.

I only know who Kat Graham is because of Go Fug Yourself, Fug Madness. -K

Giving Kat competition in her own category is “internet personality” Baddie Winkle. I would not haven chosen those shoes but damn if she doesn’t rock the crap out of them.

I WANT THOSE SHOES! -K

I wish I could be as bold as Amber Rose and Blac Chyna in the presence of the Kardashians and their slutshaming.

I love these looks! GO GIRLS YOU ROCK!!! -K

Meh Dressed

I am a little disappointed in my girl Demi Lovato’s obvious dress choice, but her hair and makeup are fierce. Unfortunately, those shoes make her legs actually look stumpier. She should consult Tay-Tay next time (are they even friends? I have no idea).

They should be friends. I feel like Demi might be “too real” for Tay-Tay. -K

I do not understand the fit of Cara Delevingne’s minidress.

I do not understand Cara Delevingne. -K

It seems like FKA Twigs thinks about her clothes as part of a larger, artistic picture, and if you have to go mostly sheer, which I am actually not a fan of here, at least have a red lip and great hair like FKA.

This is my favorite naked dress. I love her and her weird goth queen dance music. -K

Something about Justin Beiber‘s outfit is off to me–I like the pieces separately, but together there’s a disconnect. Probably because his hair looks like a cross between Kate Gosselin and mine when I use my $12 flat iron. I also think his jacket should be a little more broken in.

What the fuck is up with his hair. It’s so gross I think I appreciate Harry what-whats-his-name from One Direction’s more. -K

Aubrey O’Day’s dress is almost cute, but the Heidi/fish braid combo should never catch on.

She reminds me of a figure skater from East Germany. -K

I would like Gigi Hadad’s 90s supermodel getup better on someone who can actually sell it. She does not know how to dress for her personality and style. Her face has no expression.

She looks stoned out of her gourd. -K

I haven’t been impressed with Chrissy Teigen’s red carpet fashion in a long time but her hair and makeup are everything to me.

She is so pretty. -K

Nicki Minaj’s dress sparkled on TV but fell flat in photos–I wish it were a more fun color.

She is also SO PRETTY. -K

I wish I could see more of Vanessa Hudgens’ blush gown but her giant extensions are covering the top.

The only nice thing I have to say are that I want her bangles. -K

I want to like Jeannie Mai’s look, because her dress is so unusual, but it looks like a cheap She-Ra costume up close (gold belt + stomach cut out). The ombre hair is actually styled well.

Why is the number 25 on it? -K

Nick Jonas should have worn some nice jeans with that gorgeous brown leather jacket. These leather pants make his legs look backwards.

It looks so HOT –not as in sexy but in hot and sweaty. -K

The fabric of Amanda Steele’s ensemble is fantastic, but the slit in the front looks awkward and she could use a darker lipstick.

I also want her shoes to be a fun color, like yellow or magenta. -K

Worst Dressed

Go a little lighter on the makeup and bangs next time, Kylie Jenner. And also get a dress/shoes that are not the same color as your skin.

Her hair looks plastic. -K

Not surprisingly, Martha Hunt is yet another model with zero personal style. SNOOOZEEEEEEE.

Boring. -K

Sorry, guys, they’re not holding auditions for The Force Awakens at the VMAs. Kim’s giant pregnancy boobs need ACTUAL support.

Those pants on Kanye do not look comfy. Kim’s make-up is the worst. -K

Britney’s Vegas showgirl look is no longer modern.

Everything –including her face– seems so fucking tight. -K

Liz Hernandez needs to find a style icon that is not Khloe Kardashian.

Who is this person? -K [She is a radio personality–Luscious Liz, apparently. She still needs to dress better. -M]

I don’t feel anything for Rita Ora’s clothes anymore. It’s just nothingness.

I love feathers. Maybe not these feathers in this quantity. -K

Pro: Walk on the Moon took their name quite literally when picking out these satellite-themed suits. Fun!!!
Con: The suits are fug as fuck.

Who are these people? -K [Their music sounds like it was made for children. -M]

I hate when people try so hard to look like they don’t care about fashion.

UGH. WHY? -K

WTF Dressed

Frankie Grande forgot he wasn’t actually nominated for anything.

Is his chest painted gold? -K

Last night was actually kind of about Miley Cyrus and she blew it by wearing a bejeweled snowflake over her vajayjay.

I love her commitment to change social norms regarding nudity I just wish it didn’t involve me having to look at her nearly naked. -K

April 20, 2015
by melissa
2 Comments

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0 comments

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