Smart ladies love dumb TV, American Idol live episode 5

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American Idol Top 9

I added last week’s tag to this post, and while I was editing them, I deleted Sam Woolf because I thought he was gone. It does not bode well that I cannot remember the presumed front runner from a few short weeks ago. [He is so VANILLA! -K]

Last night’s theme was “I’m With the Band,” but most of the kids’ reason for picking a song was “I love it.” Not “I love how it sounds with a guitar” or whatever.

I think I also set a record with the number of times I described a performance to Katie as “boring.” [The judges are awesome this season unfortunately the contestants send us on the fast train to Snoozville. -K]

Worst way to begin an episode

Group medley that included COLDPLAY. Are you fucking kidding me with this?? [The group number was terrible but Malaya and Caleb were super into it, I gave them ‘A’s for enthusiasm even though I wanted to punch them for making me listen to a Fall Out Boy song. -K]

Worst Fake Out

American Idol 5 Fall out Boy

When Fall Out Boy was introduced as this week’s mentor but Randy showed up in Alex’s segment.

Best Lipstick

American Idol 5 J Lo
I would like to purchase it, unless it’s thirty bucks or something. Let’s be real, I am cheap and have been loving this. $9 at Rite Aid, baby.

Episode MVP

American Idol 5 Harry Ryan

Ryan imitated Malaya’s headbanging during the awful group number AND he took off a shoe and flashed some ankle.

Episode MVP II

American Idol Harry Connick Jr

Harry, who said a bunch of stuff that Katie and I agreed with, plus he stole Ryan’s rogue shoe and bit the ear off a large gummy bear in a strangely attractive way. [Harry is a dreamboat! -K]

Best Hair

American Idol 5 Caleb

Maybe it should be “best hair after J Lo.” I am envious of Caleb’s soft waves and shiny hair. He definitely used it to his advantage while rocking out to his Led Zeppelin–he’s really the only one who “got” the theme.

We are the Same

American Idol 5 Jessica

Jessica also has cats following her around!

Biggest Panderer

American Idol 5 Dexter

Dexter, who will keep picking popular country songs so he can get the huge country bloc to vote for him.

Best Shaker

American Idol 5 Majesty Rose

Majesty is the CUTEST. [I want to buy her album already. -K]

Most Boringest

American Idol 5 Sam Woolf

Sam makes me create words for how snoozy his “Hey There Delilah” was.

Favorite Performance

I almost picked C.J. (below) but Jessica did a Fleetwood Mac song so she gets an automatic bid here. She also didn’t seem like she hated everyone/life/Ryan Seacrest. [We felt the judges were unfairly harsh to CJ but his song had SO MUCH PASSION and LIFE to it. He really gave us a show. Jessica though was the best, her voice is gorgeous. If she would lose the fucking pink hair, I might vote for her. -K] 

Gifs from americanidol.

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