Smart ladies love dumb TV, American Idol live show 1

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American Idol top 13

The first night of lives on American Idol: a time when dreams are born and then quickly shot down by Harry Connick, Jr. He is the voice of the people and I am glad to have him on the judges panel. [He is also foxy and super ridiculously talented unlike the dogfather! -K]

Some new voting changes were announced in a cute little segment featuring the contestants: voting begins at the start of the show; in addition to the app, we can vote easily on Google, which stays open til 10 am PCT Thursday; and each contestant has one number for the whole season. Both of these are very smart decisions and I’m impressed the producers are not totally fucking everything up. Moving on!

I am still playing with the format of these recaps–this style seems to work well for my X Factor UK-caps and they’re fun to write so I’m trying it out this week.

Best Commentary

My husband’s, and I thank him for putting up with my addiction to this show. I did bribe him with homemade cobbler, but that’s cool. His comments were delightful:

“Dexter’s mom looks like Paula Deen.”

During Malaya’s “Runaway,” re: her voice: “That could be anybody.”

J Lo telling Malaya “You can blow.”: “She’s sixteen, that’s gross.”

American Idol Kristen O'Connor

On Kristen doing “A Beautiful Disaster”: “She’s singing about herself.”

On Ben Briley doing “Folsom Prison Blues” by Johnny Cash: “He’s turning this song into a joke. It’s supposed to be badass and this is nyuk-nyuk-nuyk. Nope.”

On CJ: “I think you’ll be a poor man’s poor man’s Darius Rucker. Instead of playing Innsbrook After Hours, you’ll be playing outside Innsbrook After Hours.” [Innsbrook is where bands like the seventh version of Lynyrd Skynyrd play our town.]

On MK’s ultra awkward “dancing”: “The next step in her dancing evolution is Ellen’s shuffle.”

When I accidentally clicked out of the tab I was writing this in and then found that WP saved my post: “Whew, thank goodness, because I could not come up with things to replace the stuff I said.”

The second Jena started singing “The Scientist”: “Just when you thought Coldplay couldn’t get any worse.”

Once Alex said he was doing Jason Mraz: “Every single one [contestant] is a junior version of what they’re singing.”

{IMITATES RANDY} “Yo, she’s gonna rock it.”

American Idol live 1 Emily

During Emily Piriz’ Pink song: “It was really missing something for me. Probably singing upside down.” [before Ryan made the joke]

On hearing where Jessica is from (Slapout, AL): {Nods head in agreement}

When Sam Woolf started singing Matchbox 20: “They’re going to take away his Berklee acceptance when they hear him singing this song.”

“That contestant is terrible too. Oh wait, it’s the new U2 song.” [HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I’m laughing at all of these PJ-isms but this one made me crack up out loud in my office! -K]

American Idol live 1 Caleb

“Caleb looks like he’s playing Guitar Hero. He is clearly the winner. [blank stare from me] I don’t care if you like someone else. He knows what he’s doing, he sings well. There’s nothing they could do for him. He should just leave. What is he doing there? He’s ruining his credibility every minute he’s on the show.”

Most Welcome Change

Initially, I wanted to say cute intro videos, but we are now seeing songs that haven’t previously been done to death on singing competition shows. This wasn’t even a real theme night, unless you count “songs that personify you.”

Most Likely to Make the Audience Feel Old

American Idol live 1 Jena

When Jena said she was 9 year old when she learned “The Scientist” on the piano. [She should have sung “Clocks” it’s the only acceptable Coldplay song. -K]

Person We Wish We Could Vote For

American Idol Ryan Seacrest

Ryan! How would we know what “The Scientist” meant without his iPhone? [I still don’t know I was watching “Clocks” on youtube. -K]

One of Us

Supernatural donut
Jessica Meuse loves Supernatural! We both like things with nerdy tumblr fandoms! [I bet we follow each other on Tumblr. -K]

Most Useless

American Idol live 1 Randy

Randy Jackson, who does not even get a segment but is one of three parts of a split screen when the contestant is walking towards the stage (small, bottom right corner). Per Blankens is trying hard to solve the Randy problem on his payroll by making him nearly invisible. Nice job, dude.

Most Wikipedia-ed moment of the night

American Idol MK Nobilette

MK Nobilette telling us her song was originally by Allen Stone. [ADORABLE! -K]

Best WGWG

 American Idol live 1 Alex Preston

In the battle of Alex vs Sam, Alex Preston totally crushed his ruddy-faced pal, even with his predilection for necklaces. Plus his cheering section included X Factor US winners Alex & Sierra! [He also made me not hate a Jason Mraz song –WINNER! -K]

Most Improved Hair

TIE

American Idol Dexter Roberts

Dexter Roberts

American Idol live 1 Keith

Keith Urban [If only we can do something with the bangs then it will be perfect! I am super fucking stoked he got rid of the cowlick and that Nicole threw away his flatiron. -K]

Worst Hair

American Idol live 1 Jessica

Jessica’s extensions. She is probably also worst dressed. I hope she gets her terrible taste knocked out of her because her voice is ridic. [I listen to her without looking at her so I don’t want to reach into the TV and give her a makeover. -K]

Most Disappointing

American Idol Malaya Watson

I love Bruno Mars and Malaya Watson’s energy but the two together were kind of a bust. [She needs time to mature they took her too fast into the thunderdome! -K]

Favorite Performance

I knew Janelle Monae was coming eventually to Majesty’s repertoire but I didn’t think she would do it Week 1! There was screeching in my household when I heard the song choice. She was also by far the best dressed contestant (I liked Kristen’s outfit but it was a size too small). [I am willing to watch Idol for performances like this! -K]

All gifs from americanidol. I would really like to screencap this but I just don’t have time!

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