Smart ladies love dumb TV, American Idol recap, live show ten

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American Idol top 4

THE BURNING QUESTION THIS WEEK: Will America forgive Caleb for using the r-word? (I wouldn’t, as he is not genuinely sorry, but what the fuck do I know?) [Don’t forgive him America he is a giant DOUCHE with a butter face! -K]

The songlist is extremely disappointing and I will probably half pay attention to this shit while I clean my house and play with my new iPhone. Now that we’re down to four, they’ll probably cut this show down to an hour, right? WRONG each contestant is singing three songs that vaguely follow the theme “breaks up and makes up,” with a “dedication” thrown in there for shits and giggles. Oh well, at least our hero Jessica is wearing another short skirt this week! OWWW! [FOXY! -K]

American Idol Top 4 Caleb 1

There’s also some selfie nonsense that makes me feel like I’m 80.

Most Pointless

Randy Jackson being on the payroll, because he does absolutely nothing. Or nothing the producers actually want to show.

Worst Opening

I don’t remember anything about Caleb’s “You Give Love a Bad Name” except Allison Iraheta and her hot pink hair singing back up. I was also busy texting Katie with my predictions of what the judges were going to say to Jessica (“you need to really put more of your personality into that”). [They should ban Bon Jovi songs from reality competitions. -K]

Prettiest

American Idol Top 4  J Lo 1

American Idol top 4 J Lo 2

Just because I want to put up J Lo gifs. [She is wearing an outfit my Barbie’s wore in 1988 and I LOVE IT! -K]

Most Shocking Revelation

Even though their faces were blurred out, Jessica has dated a lot of normal dudes.

Congratulations!

American Idol Top 4 Jena

Jena and I are BOTH graduating, though I am several degrees ahead of her. SUCK IT, TEENAGER.

Switch it Up!

Katie texted me that she wished Jessica had done “Heartbreaker” and Jena did “Since U Been Gone.” She was so right! “Heartbreaker” is SUCH an obvious song choice for Jena and she hasn’t really done much pop, while Jessica needs to both rock it out some more and get quiet and pretty. In my dreams Jessica would do one of these:

While we’re at it, Jena should just do Grimes:

For the good of the American people. Also this video is the greatest and I can’t believe I haven’t seen it.

And now ends the portion of the post where I recommend my favorite artists to be covered on American Idol.

Unfortunately I have lost track of what is happening on the show. Jason Mraz, CCR… Nope, I would not say I missed anything. [You missed NOTHING! This is probably a good place to put my comic review of the week, go read VEIL people it’s interesting. I have only read issue #1 but am really excited to go to the comic store and buy #2 and this people is why I hate single issue comics, you become desperate for more. -K]

Kontroversy?

American Idol Top 4 Caleb 2

Look, I really fear r-word-uttering Caleb is going to win this whole thing and I will be sad. Why didn’t the show mention it once? One of the reasons I love X Factor UK so much is that anytime one of the contestants is in the tabs so partying or being an asshole, it is shown in the contestant segments. Sometimes they even respond to it.

Overrated

I mean, I liked Jena’s Elvis cover but it didn’t make me vote for her. She is reminding me more and more of a female Kris Allen or David Cook, which means she might win, leaving no one upset. If Caleb had mentioned his apology on air, I would feel better about him. [My thoughts on the Elvis cover are thus, her voice is interesting but when it is used that slowed down it was also irritating and by the end I wanted her to shut up. I did like the fact that she played the piano throughout the entire song and adorably dedicated it to her mom. Jena is cute, she will be better for the youth of America then say Miley Cyrus and her cultural appropriation bullshit. -K] 

Worst Song Choices

American Idol top 4 Alex

All of Alex’s. ALL OF THEM. FUCKING COLDPLAY?????? Do you think I should send him mix tapes full of non-shitty new-ish music? I feel like I have so much to teach him.

Song suggestion! I think he should do this in the style of Vampire Weekend:

[HEY! How come there were no random celebrity time fillers? I miss Ariana No-Pants! -K]

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