Smart ladies love dumb TV, American Idol texts week 2

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Last week’s American Idol texts post was so popular (probably because we speculate on contestants’ sexuality) that we are going to make it a regular thing.

Idol Guys round 2

Zoanette is our girl

Idol Zoanette

Katie: “One more week of Zoanette.”
Melissa: “THANK GOD. I literally cannot wait to see what she does next week.”
Katie: “I hope it’s something from Aida. Another Elton John-Tim Rice African musical.”
Melissa: “HAHAHHAH. That is totally going in my post on Friday.”

Melissa: “I love that she is obsessed with [Vincent] it’s the cutest thing ever. [Ryan] announced Nick Boddington and she said ‘That’s my boo!’ I LOVE HER.”

Melissa: “I don’t want her to ever leave us but I feel that America hates her.”
Katie: “America, as usual, is wrong!”

We appreciate other writers

Katie: “I can’t wait for Dave Holmes tomorrow.”
Melissa: “I live for Dave Holmes.”
Katie: “He is a treasure.”

On the girls

Idol Janelle

Melissa: “I feel like the girls were disgustingly mediocre tonight; maybe a C+. Like Mariah’s own Glitter.”

Rachel, we hardly knew ye

Idol Rachel

Melissa: “She reminds me of an annoying theater girl.” [Note: I was in theater in high school.]
Katie: “She is like a real life Lemon Breeland.”
Melissa: “She does not dress as nice as Lemon.”

Poor Melinda

Idol Melinda

Katie: “She is good with hairography.”
Melissa: “But she’s doing that icky breathy singing thing that I hate.”
Katie: “Sadly she sounds like almost all of the female singers from Eurovision. Maybe she should be Kosovos’ entry.”

Mariah’s boobs are OOC

Melissa: “OMG Mariah’s boobs are so scary. I love how that necklace is pointing downwards, like ‘Look at my boobs!'”
Katie: “Mariah is suffering from sloopy boobs.”

Melissa: “Mariah does that thing that I do where I don’t look at someone the whole time I’m talking to them and I look away.”
Katie: “You and Mariah, you’re like the same person.”
Melissa: “I ALSO wear too-tight mermaid dresses.”
Katie: “And you suffer from sloopy boobs.”
Melissa: “I am also married to Nick Cannon.”
Katie: “You are very lucky!!”
Melissa: “I know, sometimes he does some Drumline for me, it’s very sexy.”

Katie: “Mariah is a life coach. She will try and find you the career that suits your talents.”

The Turbanator lives near Katie

Idol Gurpreet

Katie: “I would not be surprised if he didn’t know [friend].”
Melissa: “If we were like 2 degrees of separation from Ryan Seacrest, wouldn’t that be the greatest thing ever?”

Re: Vincent

Idol Vincent

Melissa: “Of course this guy is way better than gay hard rock loving Mathanee and Gurpreet the yellow pants guy with no soul.”

Melissa: “I loved when he looked up like the panties were coming towards him.”

I don’t remember this guy’s name

Idol I don't know

Katie: “It’s like Mark Wahlberg singing all of his mannerisms.”

Fuck you Randy

Melissa: “Oh my God he named checked Miguel and Frank Ocean. Congratulations Randy you like contemporary things.” [Unfortunately, this was directed at Vincent who is more old school soul, but I will pretend the Miguel comment is for Cortez or Burnell.]

Nick Boddington is really into hats

Idol Nick

Melissa: “He has such pretty eyes.”
Katie: “Also he is way fucking gay.”
Melissa: “He is my American Idol gay boyfriend, you can have Paul Jolley.”
Katie: “Paul Jolley is not gay. I refuse to believe it!!!” [I am ok with Nick Boddington being gay. He wore a necklace AND a tie last night, ewww.]

Sometimes we talk about other things

B&BT_CT_5

Melissa: “Vincent makes me think of B&TB.”
Katie: “That’s not on tonight.”
Melissa: “I really want to know what’s going on with Cat and Vincent.”
Katie: “It’s very distressing.”
Melissa: “Of course they’re going to throw that kiss out there and then make you wait to see what happens.” [Note: I do not watch this show, I only read Katie’s recaps.]

Bonus pictures of Burnell and Cortez because they are cute

Idol Burnell
Idol Cortez

All photos from the American Idol website.

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