Smart ladies love dumb TV, American Idol texts week 3

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Top 10 Girls

This was the first week the public could vote and SPOILER Katie and I power voted for Janelle and Cortez as we felt they were the most in trouble. We were right about Cortez and we are sorry we couldn’t save him with our lazy voting method!

Change in venue please?

Melissa: “I am so annoyed that Cirque du Soleil is some kind of Idol sponsor.”
Katie: “Sell outs.”

Our gay boyfriends are the best

Nick Top 10

Melissa: “I love my gay boyfriend [Nick Boddington]. Look at how his short sleeves are rolled up there! It’s so cute.” [I am not being sarcastic here, I think he is adorable.]
Katie: “I like his hat.”
Melissa: “He has excellent taste in hats. Not so much in songs.” [Here begun THE LONGEST conversation about how we couldn’t identify the song he sang–“Iris” by Goo Goo Dolls–and I kept swearing it was Train. It all sounds the fucking same.]

Paul Top 10

Katie: “Look at my boyfriend’s [Paul Jolley] shirt. He sounds lovely. The teens will vote for this.”
Melissa: “TOTALLY. And the moms… Guy version of Taylor Swift? Ok, Paul, I’ll buy that… Mariah, don’t you mean gay instead of theatrical? This is the same shit they would say to Adam Lambert.” [She was saying she doesn’t think he should be so theatrical… EYEROLL.]
Katie: “I think it’s their code for gay. Last week they told him to tone down on the theatrical aka don’t be so gay.” [UGH I HATE THE JUDGES.]

Katie [results night]: “I love this I don’t care that he is flat, I love his tight jeans.”

Love lost

Zoanette Top 10

Melissa: “They’re putting Zoanette first so no one votes for her. This is like a drag queen performance.”
Katie: “I’m so sad she didn’t do ‘Hakuna Matata’. I mean, c’mon Zoanette, just do all of The Lion King.”
Melissa: “That was boring. It’s like her spirit was taken from her.”

Ryan…the best American reality show host?

Melissa: “Ryan is so corny.”
Katie: “It’s sincere cheese. So much better than Mario Lopez’s plastic fake cheese.”
Melissa: “Ryan is a part of the action, with Mario I feel like he’s just reading something.”

Melissa: [re: Charlie] “Ryan is awesome. That was really sweet.”
Katie: “I’m proud of Ryan. He wasn’t condescending or patronizing.”
Melissa: “Me too! Mario couldn’t do that.”

We don’t miss you, lover of lady blouses

Angie Top 10

Katie: “Colton is on tour??!!??”
Melissa: “I bet he’s touring churches and religious venues. State fairs. No, COUNTY FAIRS.”

Boys lineup

Top 10 Boys

Katie: “Paul is so foxy.”
Melissa: “I HATE CURTIS.” [Seriously WHAT IS HE DOING in this picture? He is the worst.]
Katie: “So is Cortez. We will vote for Cortez.” [I find that with the girls I vote for talent but with the boys I vote for the one I want to see week after week —oh Cortez I will miss your face! -K]

I might miss you, Elijah

Elijah Top 10

Melissa: “All your ladies??!!?? No one knows who you are, stop thinking you have fans.” [This was a recurring theme all week. These kids shouting out to their fans. They are not even finalists yet. SLOW DOWN, BUCKOS.]
Katie: “He is an Asian JBiebs, Melissa, and we are too old for that shit.”
Melissa: “Did you hear him, Katie, Elijah wants to hit you in the heart.”
Katie: “I’m frightened.”
Melissa: “I don’t want him to hit me like he’s hit Nicki. I’m pretty sure I’m twice his age.”

Good job, stylists

Katie: “Did Mariah tone down the boob?”
Melissa: “Yeah, it looks like those puppies are covered.”

Maybe not

Randy Mariah

Katie: “What is Randy wearing? No, not a leather vest!”
Melissa: “Randy’s not cool enough to wear black leather.”
Katie: “Plus it has words on it. It’s like what a second rate costumer would put on a punk kid in a movie.”
Melissa: “That really describes Randy to a T. Poseur. Oh look how cool I am! I like leather and listen to Miguel!”
Katie: “Why is Randy a judge?”
Melissa: “He must have some secret information on a producer or something that he’s threatening to release to the public.” [I am way too into The Americans.]

I’m still crying about Charlie

Charlie Top 10

Melissa: “Oh my god he looks like older Pete now. Yep, he’s not getting through, this is too weird.”
Katie: “I bet I will enjoy this more than I enjoy  Lazaro.”

Lazaro AKA Don Johnson

Lazaro Top 10

Katie: “His thighs look big; he should wear a better fitting pant. I want to fix Lazaro.”
Melissa: “I keep staring at his crotch, it’s so weird and lumpy. Those pants don’t fit him at all. And I don’t like the white jacket with the gray pants, I think it’s weird. It’s like bad Miami Vice.”

Best Dressed

Devin Top 10
Devin is the only one of the guys who appears to be able to dress himself properly.

Better luck on another show

Cortez Top 10
Did our power voting not help Cortez? {SOB!} [So fucking HOT, seriously why did he not get more votes look how pretty he is!  It must have been the jean vest?!? -K]

Next week: There is some kind of confusing wild card to add another person to tour [we are definitely going to try to go this year] and the top ten get their own stylists! YAY!

All photos from Fox’s website. And if you, like everyone else, are coming to this site after Googling “Is Paul Jolley gay?” the answer is YES.

2 Comments

  1. Just so you know, haters(?) of Christian singers ladies, Colton Dixon just had an Asian tour with Jessica Sanchez. In monumental venues in major cities outside USA. I know that because I’m from one of those cities in Asia. International, baby, international.

    You’re welcome. I know I seem lik I’m the only commenter here.

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