Smart ladies love dumb TV, American Idol texts week 4

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Top Ten Claps
We actually watched both episodes this week, even though we hate filler. We do it for you.

GOOD LORD, this jacket

Top Ten Curtis Finch Jr.

Melissa: “Curtis: death spot. I didn’t hear one word he said. Probably because I’m still crying about Google Reader. This is already terrible plus that jacket is so ugly. Too many runs and it’s too low for him.” [This jacket sent him home, I think. Also his oversinging and that time he was mean to Charlie.]

We voted for Janelle anyway

Top Ten Janelle Arthur

Katie: “What do they have her wearing? I’m confused by the whole look.”

Melissa: “It’s way too much going on, but really, she was a billion times better than Curtis.”

 

Operation: Fire Randy Jackson

Katie: “I’m very sad that Randy has stopped wearing lady blazers. Also he is an idiot.”

Melissa: “Like, no one even reacted to what he said because he’s such a moron. ‘Oh, it’s just Randy, everything he says is fucking stupid so we’re not going to be mad.'”

Katie: “I really wish he would stop starting sentences with YO.”

Melissa: “I wish there was some way we could fire him, maybe with a White House petition.”

Katie: “Dear Barack, fire Randy Jackson, there are too many people on Idol.”

Melissa: “I would sign that shit.”

Katie: “Nicki and Keith totally have secret jokes about Randy behind his back. Every time he says something dumb, Nicki turns to Keith and they laugh.”

Someone has the hots for Keith

Katie: “I’m stating to really fall in love with Keith, like find him attractive. WTF?”
Melissa: “Keith has always been hot, I’m sad you’re just noticing it now.”
Katie: “Before he was just Nicole Kidman’s hot Australian husband. Now I love him in his own right.”

REALLY JUST STOP IT

Top Ten Paul Jolley
Melissa: “I think they’re calling him Broadway because of the gay thing again and it’s really pissing me off.”
Katie: “I love this, Paul rocks!”
Melissa: “I really love his cuffed jeans. Oh and the leather sleeved blazer. I wan one. Seriously readers of SLLS, if you have a leather-sleeved blazer laying around, just send it my way.”
Katie (to judges): “I love Paul. Bitch step off, I WILL CUT YOU.”
[Nicki hits on Paul]
Melissa: “That was weird and uncomfortable.”
Katie: “Her flirting today is off the rails.”
Melissa: “She should probably stop admitting to being sexually attracted to the contestants. It got Paula in trouble because she actually fucked one of them.”

I tried to like Angie, but…

Top Ten Angie Miller

Katie: “MILEY CYRUS! I can’t not see it. Plus I hate her hair.”

Melissa: “It looks like a mop. She should take a tip from Miley and cut it really short.”

Remember when Jon Bon Jovi was on Ally McBeal?

Katie: “Bon Jovi is so bland.”
Melissa: “My mom thinks he’s hot.”
Katie: “Gross. He is old.”
Melissa: “So is my mom.”

Slipping into old habits

Melissa: “‘I can’t critique because it’s perfect’. Nicki, that is some J Lo shit.”

We are shallow

Top Ten Burnell Taylor
Melissa: “Yayyyy. No acid was but it looks like animal print… ugh.”
Katie: “So many bad prints tonight.”
Top Ten Candice Glover
We also decided that while Candice sang the best (I LOVE “I (Who Have Nothing),” it’s such a good creepy song) she was clearly dressed the worst. Can she wear something that looks like it cost more than $10 and isn’t tight and shiny? We even hated the earrings. Candice is insanely talented so her look should match her voice.
Top Ten Lazaro Arbos
Katie: “Is he wearing SPATS?”
Melissa: “At least the color of his jacket is nice? It still doesn’t fit properly.”
Katie: “He is definitely wearing spats.”

Katie is delusional

Katie: “This isn’t terrible. Thanks, P2, for interesting guitar pop.”

Melissa: “Ummmmm, whatever.”

Katie: “Horns, Melissa, horns. Nothing is bad with horns.”

Out of nowhere…

Katie: “I am confused.”
Melissa: “I missed something. I pick neither.”
Katie: “Poor wounded Charlie.”
Melissa: “I accidentally picked Charlie in the app. I didn’t know I was voting.”
[Everything about this was terrible. Also if Charlie joins the tour, blame me for my accidental vote.]

Sometimes we talk about SLLS

The Wanted

Melissa: “I can’t wait until that Wanted show is on E! I really want to recap it.”
Katie: “YAY! Cause I don’t and one of us has to.”

 

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