Smart ladies love dumb TV, American Idol texts week 7


America, let’s have a talk. Come a little closer. No, closer… FUCK YOU FOR KEEPING LAZARO. He is never on pitch, he forgets half the words, he has a shitty attitude and his pants are too fucking tight. Burnell is actually going to release a fantastic record one day and Lazaro will still be scooping ice cream.

No pity here

American Idol Top 7 Lazaro Arbos

I call this a CROTCH-spiracy: none of the photos of Lazaro’s performance on are full body, in an attempt to hide his ill-fitting pants.

Melissa: “PJs mom says she feels bad for Lazaro.”
Katie: “This irritates me to no end, he is a terrible human being.”
Katie: “Wear pants that are boot cut and not tight on your junk for the love of Christ.” [We know you are all obsessed with Lazaro’s crotch, per our search stats! -M]
Melissa: “OMG the sweat is OOC.”
Melissa: “That was horrible. They are not going to say anything bad about him so he doesn’t get pity votes.” [He got them anyway! -M]
Katie [watching judging]: “You know your Idol.”
Melissa: “I need to spend more energy reading books or something.”

WTF Judges

Melissa: “There is so much uncomfortable racism going on; I hate it.”
Katie: “And none from Keith, the only white dude, since Ryan is technically plastic.”
Melissa: “HAHAHAHA! That is going on the blog.”

Melissa: “Let’s murder Randy Jackson. He deserves it for saying in it to win it all the time.”
Katie: “Let’s try and convince Seacrest to do it.”
Melissa: “Oh that is genius.”

Get off my lawn!

American Idol Top 7 Janelle Amber Kree

Melissa: “What the fuck is up with Amber’s pants, they might as well be shorts, there are so many giant holes in them. AND, I’m officially my mother, congratulations!”
Katie: “I was just going to ask you that. So apparently I, too, am your mother.”

Maybe he needed to move his hands about?

American Idol Top 7 Burnell Taylor

“That last kick was almost like a dare.”- Keith Urban

Katie: “This looks like a rehearsal.”
Melissa: “Burnell is not really a rock guy”
Katie: “No one has any energy.”
Melissa: “He does not know how to interact with people this is weird. Uhh, nice kick there at the end?”

Calm down with the wind, stagehand

American Idol Top 7 Angie Miller

Look at those crazy eyes! Did she actually approve this photo’s use?

Angie almost blew away during her not-as-good-as-Carly-Smithson cover of “Bring Me to Life.” I think she had to pull her shirt down at one point too.

I’m almost bored with how good Candice is

American Idol Top 7 Candice Glover

Melissa: “Candice is the most authentic rocker of this whole season.”
Katie: “Better outfit this week. I like the idea of a blazer on her.”
Melissa: “Blazers add structure, so flattering!”
Katie: “Also, worst guitarist ever. Let’s give her a shout out on the blog!” [Done. I do not understand Ori-whatever’s place in the musical direction of this episode. And her hat was fug. Early Katie called her “the worst lady guitar player,” which I thought was hilarious.-M]

American Idol Top 7 Burnell Candice

You can’t see Candice’s necklace but it was florescent yellow like Burnell’s shirt. Awww!

We voted for…

American Idol Top 7 Janelle Arthur

We loved the boots as much as Nicki did!

Janelle has gotten so much better, she never messes up her lyrics, and she is extremely genuine. She is obviously working very hard to do well. I don’t know how she landed in the bottom two. Lazaro is not top 3 material, America. I don’t care if you think he stuffs his pants. HE STILL SUCKS.

I miss HOT guys on this show

American Idol Top 7 Casey James

Katie: “This Casey James is nice looking.”
Melissa: “FOR REAL. And age appropriate.”
Katie: “Liking the deep V.”
Melissa: “Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.”

All photos from

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