Smart ladies love dumb TV, BATB recap, Beast is the New Black


Previously on BATB, Cat dumped Mohinder but he was still on the show and the fucking worst BUT on the bright-side she and Vincent were back together. Vincent was arrested for something to do with something, I would say it was the shit that went down with Tom Everett Scott [Ahem. Shades. -M] but I think they arrested Tom Everett Scott for that shit. I blame the CW for putting this show on hiatus for so long but HEY WE GET A SEASON THREE, incidentally way back when I wrote a piece on what BATB needed to fix for season 3.


Apparently Vincent  was arrested for killing Tori’s father –did he kill Tori’s father? I literally can’t remember anything, I should have read through my own recaps. [I am the one who is really lost here. I barely remember any of these people. -M] Vincent reminds Cat that the gem will keep him from beasting out while in jail because its Saturday and he won’t be arraigned until Monday but he is taken away before he can reveal its location. She immediately calls JT who IS IN BED WITH TESS –FUCK YEAH! [Oh I remember them! I hope Tess’ hair is better. -M] JT doesn’t know the gems location but he is the one who has to search for it because Cat has to stop Vincent’s DNA from getting into the system during intake. She also accuses Mohinder of setting up Vincent because of jealousy.

JT call’s Mohinder in a rage while Cat calls Tess hoping she will come to the precinct to help with the Vincent situation because she lost her badge and they won’t let her in (why is everything on this show so convoluted). Tess keeps yelling at JT to keep quiet because she doesn’t want Cat to find out they slept together, JT quite rightly gets kind of pissy. They both head to the precinct –nobody has found the fucking gem.

Vincent tries to keep his cool while being strip searched (good excuse for the viewers to see Jay Ryan’s abs) [Why didn’t you screencap this? FAIL. -M] and Cat almost gets put in a psychiatric hold for being belligerent, in her PJs, with her service weapon BUT without her badge. Mohinder suddenly appears to let her in the precinct JUST as Vincent is starting to freak out about having his blood drawn. While Cat is changing into a patrol uniform, Mohinder tells her that though he does not think she should go back out with Vincent that he did not set Vincent up. Cat uses her disguise to calm Vincent down and get his blood and DNA swab before it goes to the lab, she also finds out that the gem is were his brothers are buried.


The Scooby team meets up at Precinct 95 and form a plan –HUZZAH! Cat and Tess will go get the gem, Mohinder leaves a message for the ADA to get info on the case, and JT will draw his own blood and swab his own mouth for some clean non-beast DNA for Vincent. JT also informs the gang that he and Tess slept together and he is not amused at having to walk a couple blocks in the snow so nobody finds out. [Why is it snowing there? How long has this show been off the air? -M]

Cat and Tess have a heart-to-heart in the graveyard –it’s so sad what these to have to go through to talk about their man troubles. Tess apologizes for not telling Cat about JT. Cat tells her she isn’t judging. Tess brings up some logistical issues about Vincent having a large gemstone necklace in jail. Cat freaks out about the fact that Vincent DID kill Kurt/Kirk Windsor (I can’t believe I forgot that Kurt/Kirk is the dude whom Vincent ripped out his heart) and could get life in prison just after they got back together. Tess tells her that she doesn’t know how to deal with all of these emotions but calls VinCat epic –awwwww. They find the necklace in Vincent’s go-bag hidden underneath a headstone for one of his brothers.

At Mohinder’s apartment he tells Cat that they have photos of Vincent moving Kurt/Kirk’s body. She starts strategizing an excellent case but then Mohinder bursts her bubble by informing her that they also found the heart in the houseboat fridge. She kind of accuses him of putting it there but then realizes that the more obvious shit-heal is good old bio-dad Bob. Man I fucking hate Bob.

Bob of course denies having anything to do with Vincent’s current problems because he suspects that Catherine is recording him with her cellphone which of course she is. He then tells her that she and Vincent are through because Vincent is going away for a long time. Every time she calls Bob dad I feel bad for the dead dad who raised her. Maybe Heather can come back and remind her about dead dad since her show on ABC Family was cancelled.


JT and Tess orchestrate a way to get Vincent the gem and a way to hide it so that nobody knows it’s there. While Vincent and JT are having their chat Vincent lament’s that the Scooby gang are doing completely illegal things to help him. I should also point out that the gang does highly illegal shit ever week and basically Cat and Tess are only still employed because this version of the NYPD is inept. Also before Vincent goes to meet with JT some nefarious inmate tries to chat him up this is troubling because Vincent will be weak with the gem.

The team have a conference call to strategize next steps. Tess and JT will look into Bob’s financials to see if he paid someone off. Cat will go to the houseboat to dust for prints. JT tells the gang they only have 36 hours because he is fairly sure Vincent will plead guilty to save them all from doing further illegal shit.

Instead of dusting the houseboat for prints Cat goes to the jail and tries to convince Vincent to fight because letting Bob win sucks. Cat says that if he pleads guilty she will turn herself in as an accessory and that he was acting in self-defense –ALL TRUE. She goes to Mohinder for help on how to do this and to kind of ask him to turn himself in too –Mohinder’s bitch please I could lose my job but I DO LOVE YOU face is fucking priceless and also the same as all his other faces as he is a horrible actor. She apologizes for dragging him into all her melodrama –even I think it’s a little shady of Cat to keep asking Mohinder for help since she dumped him and all.

Vincent get’s himself beat up in jail. In the ambulance to the hospital he works the gem off his arm and escapes –VINCENT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING CAT AND TESS HAVE YOUR GO-BAG!

Mohinder and Cat meet with a lawyer but the meeting is cut short because they find out Vincent escaped custody –RUH ROH!


At JT’s Gentleman’s Club the Scooby gang get together to basically bicker –the strategery must end sometime. JT thinks Cat should have kept her mouth shut because she knows how Vincent is about protecting everybody. He and Tess go to the graveyard and fight about their non-relationship. Cat and Mohinder go to the dungeons and Mohinder tries to convince Cat he is the better boyfriend. JT then calls to inform them that Vincent’s go-bag is gone (I guess the girls didn’t take it).

Cat goes back to her apartment which is a wreck because it was searched by the police (the cops at Precinct 95 are on it) but she finds the gem on the coffee table which means Vincent was/is there. Vincent is of course waiting for her on the roof but he tells her that he has come to say goodbye. They go back and forth over who is protecting who and then he asks for one night to make love and she asks for one night of poor JT doing all of the investigative work to prove Vincent innocent while she has fun with Vincent in her bathroom because it has no windows –cute.

Their night of having fun in a bathtub is ruined by Mohinder –BECAUSE HE IS THE WORST BUT YOU KNEW THAT ALREADY. He tells Cat that he thinks he found out who Reynolds paid off. Vincent doesn’t look convinced and seems sad he didn’t get to make love to Cat in the shower before he leaves her forever and also like he really doesn’t want to be in Mo’s (yeah that’s right I think I might try out calling him Mo, it’s easy to type!) debt if this works out.  I hope somebody called JT to stop him from his night of investigating. [Poor JT. He does all the work. -M]

Gabe and Cat find the dude dead and Bob swears he didn’t kill him. The cop who was in the ambulance with Vincent is also dead because he told the news he saw a beast. Bob warns Cat that it isn’t just Vincent he wants to protect her from but the people after Vincent. He tells Gabe to protect Cat and Gabe says he will –CAT CAN PROTECT HERSELF YOU JERKS!


Cat goes home to tell Vincent she wants to come with him but then a police helicopter comes. She tells him to go without her because she will slow him down. He tells her he will find her. She goes to tell JT that Vincent is gone and they have a sad hug. JT goes to Tess and apologizes and tells her he digs her and she tells him she digs him too –it’s cute.

The show ends with a montage of Mo smiling while watching his rivals face plastered on the  news as a wanted fugitive, of Vincent looking back at NYC sadly, and of Cat alone in bed. She then hears a noise in which she thinks it’s Vincent but it’s just a couple of kidnappers and with that kids it’s a wrap!

Next week Mo forms a task force to find Vincent (I don’t think that’s his job but whatever) and Tess needs Vincent to find Cat (because Tess is so on team VinCat). My crazy theory is that Mo kidnapped Cat to trap Vincent so he can put him in jail and yes I am aware that all season we have thought MO was guilty and he turned out to be innocent but this time I think that bastard did it. [Well this time he did it for the love of a good woman so it’s okay, right? YUCK. -M]

Photos from the CW.


  1. I just love your recaps so much, they’re always so frickin hilarious

  2. Great recap. I love your complete disdain for gabe. I hate his guts and wish more people would.

    The badge scene annoyed all the fv(|<s out of me. Couldn't they have checked her ID to the employee database. UGH

    M is adorable. She doesn't know what's going on, but she is in for the long haul. LOLOL

    • We should all give M love she doesn’t watch the show but has to spend her Tuesday mornings editing my often 2000 word recaps, she is a SAINT! She also makes really funny asides 🙂

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting!!!

    • I tried watching it, but it failed to successfully pull me away from The Voice. Oh the shame!

  3. What is Mohinder’s job description because these days he’s acting more like a cop than an ADA, but I digress!

    Snarky and fabulous recap as per usual 🙂

    • Do any of them work? This episode did take place over the weekend and Tess (probably having to get caught up on all the work she has missed over the week) was shown at her desk but seriously none of these people ever work. Mohinder should be fired not the head of some task force –what the what?

      Thanks as always for the comment and for reading!!!

  4. Ah Katie – I love how much you hate Mohinder fyi – Mo is my nickname but I’ll let you use it 😉 lol and “M” love your little asides 😉

    • Hey Monique,

      I’m glad people appreciate my Mohinder hate 🙂 And “M” is awesome 🙂

      Thanks as always for commenting!!!

    • Aww thank you! I only know what happens on BATB through Katie’s recaps so I have limited range of interest (why did they fire hot Joe, etc).

  5. You had me holding my breath and sitting on the edge of my seat while reading your recap. You are one very funny chick. Absolutely love your work

    • Hey Jarneen,

      I’m so glad you like the recap and that it had you on the edge of your seat 🙂

      Thanks for taking the time to comment!!!

  6. Pingback: Smart ladies love dumb TV, BATB recap, Cat and Mouse | smart ladies love stuff

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