Smart ladies love dumb TV, BATB recap, Operation Fake Date

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Previously on BATB, Mohinder went completely off the rails into crazy town, Tess and JT proved their worth to the Scooby gang by working without Vincent’s magic powers, and Catherine realized she would prefer to never live outside of NYC.

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VinCat are hiding out in a hostel and are also hilariously in disguise, Vincent with a fake mustache and Cat as a blonde; they also have a fake baby. [This sounds worse than “Clark” on The Americans. -M] Knox gives them a hard-time about blowing witness protection. The Department of Justice (DoJ) want Vincent to turn himself in so that they can exonerate him in approximately a month.

Meanwhile Tess has JT helping her by sexy party favors for Heather’s bachelorette party. Tess teases JT, who is being weird in the adult store, she feels since they are in the honeymoon phase of their relationship he should be having more fun. They run into Cat’s old high school friend Beth, the reporter from earlier this season, who is writing a story on Vincent’s super charged DNA which was conveniently given to her by Mohinder the unhinged jackass.

After a Scooby gang pow wow in which JT proudly tells Vincent he went to an adult store, Cat decides the best thing to do is going to Mohinder and use her power over him to convince him to call off Beth. JT and Tess try to tell her that he is totally in crazytown and Vincent is super pissed Cat would want anything to do with him. Cat reminds Vincent that he needs to remain calm so that he can serve his month (once he turns himself in) and then get exonerated so they can leave the hostel.

Cat tells Mohinder that she has convinced Vincent to turn himself in but Vincent doesn’t want to be a lab rat so Mohinder needs to call Beth off. Mohinder tells her he will do it IF Cat goes on a date with him and gives him a chance to seek forgiveness with her heart wide open –GROSS! I can’t imagine anybody in the Scooby gang will be okay with this. I hope Tess gives Cat a speech on abusive relationships. Mohinder isn’t just toxic but he has recently killed an innocent man just so he could be with Cat. [This is the worst blackmail ever. Mohinder is so grossly desperate. -M]

JT opens up to Vincent his nagging feeling that he might be sexually mismatched with Tess, who knew her way around that sex shop a little too well. Vincent laughs at him. [I bet Tess and JT are going to get married, which totally happens on these shows. Then we can all feel the pain when their BFFs break up and get together a million times. -M] Cat comes in and tells Vincent that he indeed can turn himself in tomorrow because she convinced Mo to call off Beth. Vincent immediately sussed out that she had to promise Mo something and she informs the boys that she must go on a date with him. Vincent is peeved she will be going out with Mo on his last night of freedom, JT is still concerned that he is not sexually adventurous, and Cat informs everyone that for the foreseeable future they must be light & easy like JT which he takes as another dig at his manhood –poor JT.

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Tess arrives with Heather at Cat’s apartment just as she is about finished getting ready for her date with death. Neither Heather nor Tess are okay with Cat going out with Mo. Tess reminds Heather that she could protect her sister from Mo by going to the police and pressing charges on his shitty ass but she says she is too busy with the bachelorette party –Heather is still an asshole. Cat tells Heather that she should help Vincent prep for the press conference Knox set up announcing his surrender.

At the gentleman’s club the Scooby gang hangs out while Cat is out with Crazy McNutterson and by hanging out, I mean Heather coaches Vincent and punches up his speech so it is  more personable while JT and Tess track Cat’s cellphone. Vincent keeps trying to go after her but JT threatens to tranque him.

Mohinder’s magical open your heart to my niceness date is cake decorating –DAMMIT I WANT CAKE NOW!

Via.

Via. This is how I imagine the class looked. I hope cake decorating classes are back “in.” -M

Mohinder apparently kidnapped Heather and killed a dude because he killed his mother when he was a beast and thinks Vincent will do the same to Cat. Imagine my epic fucking eye roll. Cat won’t let him come up but she doesn’t flinch when he grossly kisses her–well she does look uncomfortable. In her apartment she finds all of the scoobs waiting for her, they want details but due to a terribly unfortunately cake swap, Mohinder overhears that the date was fake. [Now MY EYES are rolling, ugh. -M] See, this is why you don’t go on dates with crazy stalker ex-boyfriends whom you know have recently killed a person.

At the press conference Beth asks Vincent about being a super soldier just as Heather is telling Cat that they ruined her pretty blue cake. Cat puts two and two together and that Mohinder overheard them the night before. She and Vincent tell Knox that he is indeed a super soldier and that he needs to be kept in a solitary cell. Vincent agrees to go into solitary only if Cat agrees to not see Mohinder again –AS HE IS CRAZY! [This should be easy to agree to. What kind of pull does he have over people, besides the fact that he is hot? He is a bad boss, employee, boyfriend, and PERSON. -M]

Once in solitary Vincent is taken by two agents claiming to be working for Knox who wants them to run tests, he detects their heart-rate and believes they are telling the truth. At the bachelorette party Tess and Cat try to convince Beth that Mohinder is a spurned and jealous ex-lover. Tess asks Heather to tell Beth that Mo kidnapped her but Heather the asshole whines that she doesn’t know what Tess is talking about and that Tess ruined her party. While Heather is whining and Beth looks like she has wandered into the nuthouse, Cat gets a call from Knox that Vincent has escaped AGAIN, apparently the dudes who took V knew enough to mask their heart-rate. Cat leaves the party to go to Mohinder’s. Tess does not look convinced that this is a good idea –Tess this is not a good idea.

Tess finds out from Heather that the reason she is so upset is because she is completely traumatized by Mohinder but hasn’t told her fiance yet which is why she doesn’t want to press charges. The only good thing about this is that Beth overhears it.

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Vincent is running on a treadmill for the two goons and a scientist (excellent band name, Two Goons and a Scientist) but refuses to run any faster until Knox gets there. He then realizes they are monitoring Mohinder. He tries to escape but the scientist put a wristband on him that I guess tranques him –RUH ROH!

Cat goes to Mohinder’s to find out what he has done with Vincent. Mohinder tries to give her a journal from her dead relative and tells her she is there because he is her safe haven. She pushes him away and he becomes violent so she kicks the shit out of him and thinks she might have killed him –I don’t think she really killed him but lets spend this small paragraph break thinking that he is dead because it’s blissful! [Reason it will happen: he is a bad actor. Reason it won’t happen: there is still one episode left this season. -M]

Vincent wakes up and asks the scientist who he works for. The scientist informs him that they are DoJ and therefore the good guys. Vincent infers that they are monitoring Mohinder because he knows about beasts. He tells them that he will kill Mohinder if they will send him back to jail or set him free. At Mohinder’s he finds Cat frantically giving Mo CPR (but NOT mouth-to-mouth because GROSS). Cat tells Vincent she killed Mo, Vincent tells her he is there to kill Mo. Instead of letting Mo die Vincent saves the dudes life –NOOOOOOOOOO! Both JT (Cat called him because she thought bad guys had Vincent) and myself are not at all okay with this.

Back at the sad bachelorette party Beth and Tess convince Heather to press charges on Mohinder AND I think Beth has finally decided NOT to write her story on Vincent –Tess always gets shit done.

At Mohinder’s, Vincent and Cat have a heart-to-heart about him saving her from herself for once  as opposed to her always saving him from himself by calming him down. Vincent gets a call from Knox informing him that he has been exonerated of all charges by the dudes who took him from the jail. JT wants to know what they are going to do with Voldemort –HAHAHAHAHAHAHA– and Cat says she will take care of him but with JT’s supervision. Cat tells Mohinder that the man she liked and dated who wanted to help people is dead and gone –BURN!

Vincent and Knox go to where the Two Goons and Scientist (new single “Beast Out” will drop next Tuesday) were holding him to find it empty. Vincent realizes that they let him go because they got what they wanted from him, his BLOOD AND HAIR! Knox, Vincent and I are all very concerned!

JT and Tess realize that they are indeed NOT sexually mismatched. They start to make out but realize they are still at Mohinder’s who is apparently in the bathroom. Mohinder, being completely insane, has injected himself with Shades’ beast serum –THE FUCK! Well guys, we have been calling that since Sam had JT make that shit. [I am proud you called him Shades. Also I can’t take more Mohinder-as-beast. -M]

Our lovebirds who have no clue their life has just gotten worse, are in jammies relaxing on twin beds, Cat reading the journal Mohinder tried to give her earlier and Vincent excited that the Swedes next door have stopped fornicating. Vincent asks Cat if she wants to stay another night, she adorably agrees but she does NOT want to wear that blond wig.

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Unfortunately that is not the end of the episode–the episode ends with Mohinder meeting Beth and ripping out some of her internal organs –I hope Vincent kills that asshole.

Next week kids is the season finale, Mohinder, who is so far over the line that sanity is a dot to him, threatens to kill the people we love the most AND Cat goes to Bob for help –I HATE BOB MORE THAN GABE, really,  at least Gabe is pretty. Bob is gross and chews food while talking on the phone.

Stills from the CW and the gif is from mymarsrevolution.

4 Comments

  1. OMG RATFFLMAO I loved this review & loved this ep. Thanks
    Fingers & toes crossed that both Bob & Mo died in the Season finale

  2. You never fail to amuse me with your recap 😀 There is only one more left and then we have to wait til heaven only knows when for Season 3 which means I won’t be getting my weekly dose of BATB sarcasm and humor from you – ugh I hate waiting 😀

  3. Hilarious. That is one funny recap. Like you, I am anxiously waiting for Gabe’s demise. The question is at whose hands – Vincent or Catherine? Is the foreshadowing of Catherine having to kill her beast referring to her having to kill Gabe? to save Vincent?

  4. Hysterically brilliant as always Katie and I was wondering about Shades serum. Didn’t he ingest it and then throw it up to serve to Inmate #1234567 in About Last Night? Glob/Mohinder either is the boss of the G-men or that serum was the one taped under his table? Sneaky Voldemort wanna be, loved that HAHAHAHA! and the eye-rolls, ROTF! I really want Vincent to rip all the little parts off of both Bob and Mohinder or just shove the gem in Mo’s mouth (the Kryptonite Heimlich maneuver), duct tape it shut and cart him off to the dungeon for a McNutterson barbeque! I love the gif of our lovebirds! I can’t wait for next week! You’re the best, Thanks so much!

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