Smart ladies love dumb TV, Beauty and the Beast recap, Cold Turkey

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BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

KARAOKE with Tess, Heather (Cat’s sister it’s been a while) and Cat —LOVE IT! They commiserate over their love lives. Both Tess and Heather want Cat to tell Alex about Vincent’s “issues”. And then Tess gives the best toast EVER!

Here’s to…I am woman…hear me drink!

Tess is my favorite EVER! Joe needs to leave his wife for Tess (maybe this will get him more screen time). [I am in favor of this. -M]

Back at home Cat is visited by giant drip Alex (she is the WORST). Alex asks Cat if she can take Vincent away for the weekend because Cat is Vincent’s “handler” and all (because of all the secrets everything is going to be in quotes for this recap —sorry). Cat uses this to fish if Vincent told Alex EVERYTHING. Of course he hasn’t told her anything other than he needs to pretend he is dead and “people” are after him, nothing about turning into a rage monster —nope not that.

The next morning Cat is angry running and who should show up but stupid rage monster soul-mate Vincent to apologize for Alex (ALSO all of the promo photos for this episode are of this encounter —thanks CW). Cat brings up the whole safety issue of Vincent in a cabin in the woods. Then they get in a fight because Cat is clearly trying to put up boundaries because Vincent chose Alex and Vincent is an idiot and gets mad at her for not telling him what she thinks he should do. Vincent is a tool! Look dude she told you how she felt and you picked the other girl now you gots to let her go!

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At the precinct Cat tells Tess she thinks she might have pushed Vincent into the woods with Alex because she was being all tough and cold turkey. She is also like maybe, I should call him and tell him not to go and Tess, being the best BFF a TV show person, can have tells her to cut that shit out and pick a damn case! WAIT CAN I PICK THE CASE OF THE WEEK TESS? I LOVE YOU! PLEASE!

Cat picks the case that just so happens to be a prescription drug ring at Alex’s hospital, which is bad because Alex has been stealing meds for Thrift Store Hospital AND Vincent’s prints are all over her apartment. Cat calls JT and he is like bitch you could have stopped his dumb ass from going and Cat being all awesome is like asshole you could have stopped him too! Then JT is like I have to stop your British colleague/occasional flirt buddy from presenting his Vincent’s cross species DNA at a genetics conference (man JT and Cat need to tell Vincent to fuck off and go to the beach for like a week or year). Because she is codependent as fuck she goes to Alex’s apartment and wipes it down and stashes all pictures of Vincent. I feel like Tess should buy Cat and JT a copy of Codependent No More. [HAHHAHAHAHAH! -M]

Vincent and Alex are on the highway to the cabin of past romance. They talk about leaving to go help sick people. At one point Vincent is like well we need to discuss our relationship and she is all but we’re together and mother fucker is all, yes we’re together. Also she is a terrible driver who keeps looking at him and not the road and he keeps yelling at her cause they are going to get into an accident. I will bet you a hundred pennies that this is how she will eventually find out he is a rage monster.

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Back at Alex’s apartment the police can’t find anything (because Cat removed it). Then Tess finds a bag of NEW lingerie and is all I bet she stashes her drugs at her boyfriend’s (before you roll your eyes at this leap of logic, Cat pointed out that ladies buy lingerie without a boyfriend). Cat does agree to search the apartment for signs of a boyfriend but instead finds a listening device! Secret Shadowy Government Bug!

Cat shows the bug to JT and they decide that Cat has to go to the cabin to save Vincent from Muirfield (I give the show credit for having Cat save Vincent a whole hell of a lot more than Vincent saves her). JT can’t do it because he has to stop Evan from showing the world’s geneticists Vincent’s DNA —again these two need to get a better friend maybe they should let him go to Africa/Mexico with Alex.

When Alex and Vincent arrive at the cabin he tries to tell her about being a rage monster but he can’t because she keeps cutting him off and telling him she is “in” no matter what his issues are. Look, I will give him some credit for trying but he needs to realize that his girlfriend is like on a “my fiancé isn’t dead” high, which I would imagine is like cocaine, but he needs to slap some quiet into her and tell her the fucking truth before Muirfield shows up at the cabin of past happiness and kills them both.

I just want to point out that Cat has lied to Tess about a thousand times this episode. I know that BOTH Vincent and JT told her this would happen but I think this is the first time I am starting to feel bad for Tess. I heart Tess, she is comic relief gold.

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Anyways Cat lies to her AGAIN when she calls to check in on the case (which I think we might just be dropping cause who gives a fuck about a prescription drug ring when we have shadowy government types possibly closing in on a secluded cabin in the woods). But don’t feel too bad for Tess she is apparently meeting Mr. Married AKA Joe for drinks. FUN! [OH THANK GOD. -M]

Back to the cabin of second chances Vincent tries again to tell Alex he is a rage monster. This time he is able to get out “the government did experiments on me” before she shuts him down with all her lovey dovey crap (Muirfield should just shoot her in the head and spare us all from her BULLSHIT). Just as they are about to kiss his super sense kicks in and he finds a dude at their door with “car trouble”.

In the funniest scene of the whole episode, JT pretty much comes clean with Evan about Muirfield but Evan totally makes fun of him as a conspiracy nut and then accuses JT of sabotaging his grant chances. OH Evan you beautiful fool one day soon you will realize that your girlfriend is an agent of JT’s shadowy government group and it was SHE who is sabotaging you. JT then pulls out his ace in the hole the fact that Evan accidentally killed a girl he was performing surgery on which is why he moved to America to work in a morgue and that he will tell everyone what he did but Evan won’t relent and ends there partnership very sternly, I chuckled cause I’m a horrible person.

Cat FINALLY gets the cabin of emanate DOOM and finds Alex alone and in a silk robe. Cat is all business but Alex is all do you have feelings for Vincent (ALEX DOES NOT LISTEN TO ANYBODY WHEN THEY TRY AND TELL HER SHIT). Cat cuts her off with an “I need to find him, he has a handler cause there are bad people after him” and dumb bitch Alex is “all I’ve dealt with PTSD before and I’m going with you” and Cat kind of half laughs and totally rolls her eyes in Alex’s face. Finally because Alex will never shut up Cat just hands Alex her spare gun and tells her to shoot anyone who gets close to her.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

Vincent confronts the guy and finds out that there are three agents that have tracked him to the cabin of lost love. He and Cat find each other and have a fight about his issues which are, that just because he is a rage monster doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have love and that Cat knows him, even his darkest self, wants to be with him anyway and that Alex doesn’t KNOW SHIT. She also points out that knowing someone’s darkest self is NOT A BAD THING. Then Muirfield shows up and shots get fired and there is hand to hand combat and because Vincent is a rage monster and Cat is a badass they take down three dudes but UT OH Alex had followed Cat and saw Vincent as a RAGE MONSTER. Then that bitch calls him a monster and points the gun Cat gave her at him (see terrible human being). Then they have a truly boring conversation and she totally ditches out on him (so I guess you weren’t all in were you bitch).

When Cat gets home Heather informs her that Joe stood up Tess! JOE YOU BASTARD! [WTF? I might be too invested in a Joe-Tess hookup. -M]

Evan calls JT to tell him that he found a bug with a classified print on it so he believes JT about Muirfield. He also asks JT not to share his secret with anyone and JT agrees. NEW BFFS!

Vincent tells JT that he is an ASS for how he treated Cat AND we all collectively agree (by we I mean me and JT)! Vincent then goes and apologizes to Cat and tells her he wants to be with her, that it was the dream of being normal again and not Alex he chose. But Cat is all I will not be a second choice and that she needs to be there for the person who is always there for her, TESS. GIRL POWER FTW!

See you next week where we might possibly get a fucking kiss and Alex, who will not go away, apparently has a gun!

3 Comments

  1. Hi Katie, I’ve been silent-creeping these recaps for a while now 🙂 it’s actually how I found this site of Melissa’s and yours, how lucky 😀 just wanted to say that every week you make me laugh with your BATB insights. Keep it up! Laura

  2. This is wonderful… I can’t wait to look at the rest of your website. I love the name of the website also.. thanks so much for the humour and the enjoyment.

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