We start today’s episode with STUPID Alex. I thought she was gone but NOOO Cat calls her in the middle of the night to prove that if she can find where she is hiding Muirfield CAN totally find her —Alex is the WORST. Then Cat gives her a wad of cash, a burner phone and confiscates ALL of Alex’s credit cards. Alex asks Cat why it is that Cat does all of this for Vincent (cause even though last week she WAS all in love with her long lost fiancé this week she is a complete twat) and Cat is all “bitch he once saved my life AND he tries to save others lives including YOURS.” God I wish they would let Cat just say that shit instead of doing it with her facial expressions (and also slap Alex every time she does something dumb). [Was there no bad voiceover?? I kind of miss it. -M]
Back at Cat and Heather’s we find out it’s Valentine’s Day. Heather bought herself a heart shaped box of chocolates and made reservations for two at a nice restaurant because she is going to will a date for Valentine’s out of positiveness and thin air —good for Heather. Cat then meets Vincent on the roof. She is still really pissed about Alex and the cabin of long lost love —and probably abstinence. I mean, when do we think it was the last time Vincent got some? Vincent tries to convince Cat to go out for Valentine’s Day —probably to finally get some.
FUCK!!! Alex meets with a journalist friend and warns him that the story she is about to tell can NOT be repeated or people will die! Then she has him look into ALL OF IT so that she can “HELP” Vincent —is it mean of me to wish that Vincent would get all ragey and rip off her head. With all of the smart ladies on this show why does Vincent’s ex fiancé have to be an idiotic nurse who steals drugs for a makeshift hospital in the back of a thrift store —Cat has every reason to be pissed that Vincent chose Alex over her!
JT is doing ORIGAMI! Vincent wines about Cat giving him the cold shoulder. JT rightly points out that Cat isn’t the type of person who will just give her trust to someone lightly and that Vincent needs to fucking WOO Cat because she has every right to be PISSED. JT and Tess should date they are the smartest people on this show.
TESS IN BED WITH JOE!!! JOE WITHOUT A SHIRT!!! Dammit his wife is flying back from her business trip EARLY —no Valentine’s Day for Tess!!! Tess isn’t upset about that, she is upset about being the other woman —oh Tess date JT, he will make you paper roses for Valentine’s Day. [Why didn’t The CW post shirtless pictures of Joe on its website? WHAT ABOUT MY HAPPINESS, CW??!! -M]
Heather is a PARTY PLANNER! Of course she is. She then meets Darius, a HOT HOT HOT dude —I should try and create a dude out of positiveness and thin air. Of course hot Darius is hot Joe’s brother and he does ask her out to dinner —Heather should write one of those dating books like The Rules. [This family is disgusting and full of hotties. -M]
Cat gets flowers from an admirer (I think we are meant to think they are from Vincent but I think they are either from Evan OR Muirfield).
Case of the week appears to be a suicide but there were signs of a struggle at the location. Also I was wrong Vincent did give Cat the roses cause we see him spying on her as she gives them to Tess —because Tess is the better person!
HOLY FUCK the dead dude is Alex’s journalist friend! Cat notices that his phone has a voicemail from Alex on it and quickly deletes it. I hope Cat fucking kills her. How stupid can you be? She got her friend killed when Cat expressly told her that Muirfield was dangerous. (Also Alex makes me swear more than usual, I apologize but that girl is a MORON.)
Evan’s Muirfield girlfriend Claire has met him for lunch but as they are leaving he notices that she is distracted and getting her lies confused. She then ditches out on him and meets with her handler. She tells her handler that Evan is getting closer EVERYDAY. The handler tells her that he killed the journalist and that not only does she need to find Vincent, she also needs to kill Alex —Claire your job is hard.
Cat tells Vincent and JT about Alex and the Journalist —JT is all Muirfield, boy is so excited about V-day he isn’t even pissed. They decide that Cat needs to find Alex, Vincent needs to stay in the warehouse, and that JT needs to finish his V-Day scavenger hunt for Sarah —JT is the bestest. Cat and Vincent talk about her trust issues with him and she is all um lets table that so that I can find your ex fiancé who betrayed you! Also don’t buy me flowers with a credit card you IDIOT!
Claire finds Alex before Cat and tells her she wants to “fix” Vincent. She plays into Alex’s hope for a non-rage-monster Vincent by telling her that they can fix him before he becomes an unrecognizable MONSTER.
Joe tells the ladies that they need to make a decision on whether or not the journalist killed himself or if it was murder. The lab is backed up so they don’t have any proof other than a missing laptop —the lab is backed up because Evan is testing DNA and shit, we don’t actually see this but this is what I am assuming.
In Vincent wooing Cat news, first he sends her the type of chocolates she hates AND then he sends her a flash mob (flash mobs are the reason I like the movie No Strings Attached better than Friends with Benefits–flash mobs are not fun they look uncomfortable and anxious). As Vincent is watching Cat on the laptop having her space invaded by bad dancers (I would only enjoy a flash mob if it was tap dancers but only really good ones–who can resist a good tap line) he gets a call from Alex who wants to lure him to a hotel and sedate him so she can give him too Claire–if a cop tells you that a shadowy government agency is after your ex fiancé then they kill your friend when they come out of nowhere and tell you that they can SAVE your ex fiancé you do not TRUST THEM, YOU RUN, YOU DUMB FUCKING PERSON!
Okay so here is the thing with Vincent, Cat told him that to win her trust he should stay in the warehouse so let’s see he if listens to her and calls her to tell HER to go to the hotel. NOPE, Cat and Tess are in a bar drinking beer alone for V-day. Joe shows up with Evan, whose girlfriend Claire ditched him (probably because she is going to take down Vincent with Alex). Evan tells Cat he is paranoid about Claire (cause she is a shadowy government agent, Evan is smarter than Alex but we already knew that right?!?) and then JT calls to tell Cat that Vincent left the warehouse to help Alex. When Vincent gets to the hotel Alex drugs him —and scene.
Vincent wakes up and tries to find out what the fuck Alex is trying to do and to tell her that the people she is listening too are the bad guys. She tells him that it is Cat who is the bad guy because she wants to keep Vincent just the way he is and not HELP him. Vincent is like NO SHE EXCEPTS ME FOR WHO I AM because he knows Cat is on the other side of the door (good wooing Vincent). Cat comes in Alex pulls a gun on them both. They talk some sense into her and then Vincent takes down but doesn’t kill Claire and rescues Alex.
Cat and Vincent are way too nice to Alex as she exits so I will not comment on her goodbye only to say I’m so fucking happy she is out of the picture and that she tells Cat that Vincent is in love with Cat NOT Alex —to which I say get the fuck out of here you’re ruining my guilty pleasure.
THEN Tess finds Cat destroying evidence in the journalist murder (deleting Alex’s information from the phone and tearing a page out of his notebook about Muirfield). Tess is very pissed off and NOT buying the “I can’t tell you for your own safety” line and tells Cat she is putting in for a new partner in the morning because if Cat got caught they would blame her too. Then says the saddest thing in the whole episode “nobody thought two chicks could be partners, I guess we’ll prove them right.” WHY?!? Why show would you do this to me? I love Cat and Tess.
Finally Evan finds Claire photographing and contaminating his work. Claire tries to convince Evan that he should work for them to hunt Vincent down because he is a monster. Evan rightly points out that he doesn’t have a choice he is either with them or dead —Evan might actually be the smartest person on this show.
Vincent and Cat talk about their relationship and trust and taking it slow and Vincent goes in for a kiss and FUCKING Heather ruins it. First Tess, now this, but thankfully a Muirfield agent got on the bus with Alex heading out of town so maybe she will die after all. WIN?
OH NO the teaser for next week looks like in all her “my sister has a boyfriend” excitement Heather might have posted pics of Vincent on the internet… Will Muirfield come after Heather? Will Tess realize that evidence tampering isn’t that big of a deal? Will Vincent ever get some? Did Sarah make it to the end of the Valentine’s Day scavenger hunt to find JT and a dozen paper roses? We will find out next week…