Smart ladies love dumb TV, Candidly Nicole recap, How to Be a Boss

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Is the world ready for Nicole to be in charge of a fashion website? If this week’s episode of Candidly Nicole is any indication, the answer is clearly no.

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Nicole’s friend Katherine Power runs Who What Wear &  asked her to come on as a guest editor. She is ready for an office job: the hustle, the 9 to 5, the orgies. There is no way this does not end with her being fired.

I did some research about Katherine and she and Nicole are indeed besties. I learned that they’ve been friends since their late teens. Here is Nicole (plus RZ & Jessica Alba) going to KP’s wedding. Rachel Zoe even designed Katherine’s wedding dress! Refinery did a piece on Katherine’s house. I could actually read about this woman and her fancy LA lifestyle all day (I secretly want to live there) but I have to finish this recap.

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She walks in looking fabulous in a cropped leather top and white skirt.

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Then Nicole goes to her friend, but she is clearly busy so she finds a cute gay dude to talk to, who she calls “Peter Pan cute.” His name is Peter too!

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She’s going around talking to people about the stories they are working on (“flats,” one girl replies), takes selfies with their phones, and dances while wearing one girls’ headphones.

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Then she gets in the center of the cubes and talks about Katherine’s club past, where she was often bottomless. Nicole, people have to respect this woman now! She’s the HBIC!

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Katherine gets off the phone and is telling Nicole what a fun office WWW is (“Everyone is so nice here!” Nicole volunteers), but “in a quiet way” and pretty much tells her friends not to bother the writers anymore.

N: “It’s very intimidating here.”

K: “I wouldn’t say intimidating, maybe serious…Try to talk to people in a professional way. Nothing sexual. Keep it clean.”

N: “I can tell a penis joke if the opportunity presents itself.”

K: “I would avoid penises at all costs.”

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Katherine briefly tells Nicole about her project and Nicole asks her if they can do some day drinking, because that is absolutely what I would do if I blogged all day.

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Both via.

Katherine very politely rebuffs her, as she knew this was coming she prepared her professional face.

K: “We don’t tolerate any nonsense, really.”

N: “No nonsense. Wear a blazer.”

K: “Don’t show too much skin, like what you’ve got on.”

Katherine is funny and deadpan but does laugh at one of Nicole’s jokes and it’s really sweet.

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Katherine brings Nicole to work with an editor and it’s her new friend Peter! Katherine suggests a very reasonable project of doing a story on what women wear during a girls night out, and tells the two of them to go out and do some research. Nicole wants to take it one step further, for reasons that are totally unclear to me, and show the women then doing their dream jobs. “Let’s really get inside of their minds, you know?”

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N: “I think people want to know about my aspirations and dreams.”

K: “I think they just want to see what you wear.”

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Nicole tells Peter they’re going to do both and then nuzzles him to her boobs and he looks SO uncomfortable.

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Nicole and her new BFF Peter are at Ink (“restaurants are the new clubs”), talking about fashion. Nicole is trying very hard to toe the line of Katherine’s rules but she is bringing out Michael Voltaggio for, presumably, fashion advice. Peter does not seem on board with anything.

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Nicole asks him a serious of questions that aren’t at all fashion-related: “Is this your dream job?” “Do you believe in gluten?” “Do you sleep with any other chefs?” “What’s your favorite thing to make?”

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Forces poor Peter to drink a fancy concoction, though he does not think it is very professional to drink on the job.

In her interview, Nicole says, “Getting along is the most important thing in an office. I’m really excited to collaborate because I have the best ideas.”

Back at the WWW offices, Nicole is playing around with some models and barking orders at them.

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“Horny old man and I wanna touch you.” “Look at no one.” “Let’s get ratchet!”

This is one of my favorite scenes of any show I watched this summer.

This is one of my favorite scenes of any show I watched this summer.

K:”Where is Peter?”

N: “I just sent him to get juices.”

K: “A successful boss commands respect.”

Katherine, I don’t think Nicole wants to listen to your lectures. She already runs a successful company! I do hope she leaves the people management to someone else, though.

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Katherine looks at the notes from Michael Voltaggio’s restaurant and is very disappointed.

Nicole talks about Harlow 1960:”I haven’t really created boundaries in my company. Although once a lady cried in my driveway. It was insane.”

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Katherine is telling Nicole that commanding respect is more important as being someone’s friend, she wants to fire Peter, but Nicole talks her out of it. There is no way you should ever fire Peter, he is precious. I get lost thinking about how Katherine selected the person who would work with Nicole, how Peter was “cast” in this particular episode.

At the camera, Nicole is giving the best notes to the models: “Give me Iggy Izalea. Give me Jewish. Give me Asian. Think Fergie. Give me Solange in an elevator.”

Nicole promises to give Katherine the best story ever. We all know that’s not going to happen, right?

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As Nicole disagrees with Katherine’s robot-like management style, she goes to Peter and acts like a robot. “I was just trying to be more like Katherine.”

Proudly wearing her chef-y outfit.

Proudly wearing her chef-y outfit.

Nicole is really committed to this dream job story, huh? She’s going to Ink to train as a chef, makes a mean grilled cheese. Michael is nervous too because his restaurant is really busy.

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She’s kind of paying attention but is also terrible, she’s just firing orders. This is a job literally everyone ever can do. I am embarrassed for her. Michael says, “Everything she messes up I want to charge her for it at the end of the night.” And rightfully so!

Now here is where I wonder how fake everything is here. Would a Voltaggio risk his reputation to have a celebrity read tickets and a camera crew film everything? I’m thinking no.

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Michael makes her bring a remade order she fucked up to a couple. She tells them things don’t always have to be piping hot, and have they heard of the raw foods movement?

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Nicole spills shit all over the tickets. It is supremely gross.

This is a common Voltaggio expression. I watch a lot of Top Chef.

This is a common Voltaggio expression. I watch a lot of Top Chef.

Michael is pissed but she says “everything is just very aggressive here” and whines a lot. There is no way she’s doing this for real, she would have been sent packing several hours ago.

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She meets with Peter and Katherine wearing the back turtleneck again. She requests an extension on the project but Peter finished the story without Nicole and turned it in!

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K: “I’m sorry that she was such a distraction.”

P: “It was a great experience, really.” Peter is too nice.

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Nicole, of course, calls him the “worst,” and Catherine fires Nicole.

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N: “But we’re still friends?”
K: “Totally. Brunch on Sunday?”
N: “Brunch on Sunday!”

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{finger guns}

I really want to know how Nicole’s friend’s feel being put in her show and given roles to play. Is Katherine actually super serious? Did she really think firing Peter would have been a good idea? I’m sure the finger gun was genuine, though.

Next up: The return of Sofia and apparently a mysterious “90210 box” and a 90120 tour! Oh yay, that episode looks really fun!!

3 Comments

  1. I want to know more about the cute and adorable Peter. Do some digging. I want to internet stalk him. I love this show.

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