Smart ladies love dumb TV, Chasing the Saturdays recap, #SatsandtheCity

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We are currently on episode five of Chasing the Saturdays. Yes I am as shocked as you are. This episode is heavy on the Una, Vanessa and Rochelle! YAY!

[Also it was very hard to take these screencaps without getting the E! “Mindy McCready has died” scroll on the bottom. That black bar is the top of my TV. ARGH.]

SatsFrankiePants

The girls are in Vanessa’s closet, making fun of her trashy clothes.  Seriously I wear higher quality stuff and I have no money. I am not sure why she was elected to get the best closet.

Montage of Hollywood! Close up of Bellacures–this must be product placement! That’s where the girls are getting pedicures.

SatsGirlsSalon
Mollie seems pretty pleased with her white toes and thinks she’s original but I have a feeling she did not paint her nails with white out in middle school like everyone I know.

SatsPeterSalon
Peter shows up and ruins everything. What is he doing in a salon? Who invited him? It seems like they’re running out of places for Peter to pop in. Next week he’ll show up when Una is changing her child’s diaper. Killjoy Peter talks about the girls’ up coming New York City trip, which will be followed by a one-week stay in London. I am excited to see how the girls cope with actually being famous again instead of ignored by everyone except the people E! pays.

SatsUnaAirport
Una, in a moment of clarity, sends baby and mom to England, but she thinks she is a bad mother for doing it. No one else thinks you’re a bad mother. It’s about time Ben cleans some poop, you know?

SatsRochelleHouse

The captioning is so entertaining.

Rochelle Skypes with Marvin, who tells her some bad news: the house they bought fell through. WTF, UK? It seems like they need some buyers’ laws over there. Unless the house was falling apart and the assessment didn’t match the amount offered, you wouldn’t be able to lose a house in America. There is a contract. Plus if these rich people can’t get a house in the UK there’s no hope for normal blokes.

SatsNYC

The girls arrive in New York. You know how I know? MONTAGE!

SatsMarvinSurprise

Surprise! Marvin is in NYC to greet Rochelle when The Sats arrive. It’s Rochelle’s first time in NYC so she’s happy to spend it with her hot hot husband.

Rochelle announces she wants to go on a Sex and the City tour and I wrote down “awwwww” because people still do that? The show ended like eight years ago.

SatsDinner

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Then she goes to eat with Marvin in a restaurant that I saw on Keeping up with the Kardashians.  Yup, Ryu was the restaurant Scott Disick invested in. It is now-shuttered after Scott severed ties with the restaurant, which was smart given the bad reviews.

SatsPicnic

Rochelle and Marvin enjoy a romantic picnic in Central Park and drink some pink sparkly beverage. If it is alcohol-free I’ll bet it’d taste delicious with some vodka. Rochelle and Marvin decide to go house shopping when they go back to London in a few days.

SatsUnaPregnant

We see a clip of Una performing while hugely pregnant. I feel like she has something to talk about with Beyonce whenever they meet [Seriously: did you watch Life is But a Dream? What a weird 1.5 hours that was!] This is Una’s first time separated from Aoife!

SatsHotel

We learn that the group is staying at Le Parker Meredien and that it must be comped because Una says everything at the hotel is beautiful. The name of the hotel also appears in big script on the screen.

SatsUnaSleep

Y’all, Una is SAD about her baby.

Una is down about being separated from her baby. The girls keep saying how worried they are about her AND Una hides under the blankets. The producers really want you to know Una is sad.

SatsFrankieCowboy

I don’t even know anymore.

Cut to “Frankie the Flirt” (Is this her nickname? Google tells me not really.) smacking the ass of a cowboy in his underpants.

SatsSelfie

They look a million times prettier than I do in my selfies. I kind of hate them.

Even semi-famous British singers are not above taking selfies in Times Square.

SatsFashionWeek

The girls look really good here so I’m assuming they’re wearing Milly and nothing from their closets.

Since it’s fashion week, the girls go backstage at Milly and are offered free clothes. PLEASE LORD TAKE THEM. How did they get invited to a fashion show anyway? They dress like teenagers.

SatsInterviewed

The best part is that the interviewer here is British. Americans are still ignoring The Saturdays. NOT FOR LONG!

SatsAlFresco

In order to cheer Una up, Vanessa takes her shopping and they eat lunch al fresco, which I don’t do because it’s gross and I’m allergic to everything outside.

SatsFierceNess

They used to be partners in crime before Aoife: they called themselves “Fierceness.” “Ness” for Vanessa and “Fierce” for Una maybe because her hair is red? You can’t think too hard about these things.

SatsDrinking
They toast to old times and then Una says, “Lets get drunk!” At the club, Una acts like an alcoholic with severe depression and says, “Relief is just a sip away… Relieves the pain.”
They take some shots until a glass breaks and Una the mom stops & picks it up.

SatsHangover

Oh sunglasses indoors: a marker for any true hangover

The next morning, the pair appear hungover, but Una doesn’t like American hangover foods. Due to my excellent Google skills, I find that Shake Shack is only 1.5 miles from their hotel. A burger + fries + milkshake would be perfect, right?

SatsSing
We get to see the girls perform for the third time (in five episodes, that’s pretty bad) at an acoustic performance for label! The label president AND Scooter Braun are there! I wouldn’t be too excited about Scooter, he’s over 30, is BFFs with Justin Beiber and goes by the name SCOOTER.
The Sats are introduced to the crowd: 10 hits in UK, HERE TO BREAK AMERICA. Mollie says they are performing “Chasing Lights” because they like the harmonies.

SatsMyFriendAndrew

Fake Andrew is the one all the way on the right on the couch. He looked more like Andrew on my  shitty bedroom TV, but when I went to screencap this on the flatscreen, I realized my error.

I don’t really pay attention, as one guy in the audience looks like my friend Andrew and I’m wondering how he got to go to this event and then I realize it’s probably not Andrew but I miss him. I was really sick this night and out of it.

Bonus Baby Aoife:

SatsAoifaTwo

SatsAoifaOne

Next time: everyone goes back to London, even Peter (curses)! Ben hurts his knee?

Random thought: Why does no one seem to hang out with Rochelle except Una? Are they jealous of her hot husband and red lips?