Smart ladies love dumb tv, Chasing the Saturdays recap #KeepCalmandSatsOn

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Last week, my precious Saturdays were not on E! because of The Oscars, and this week I find out via DVR that the show has been moved to Mondays at 8:30pm. I wonder if this is due to slipping ratings: the show premiered to 910,000+ viewers but the last ep only had 430,000 per Wikipedia (Kim and Kourtney Take Miami, the show’s former lead-in on Sunday nights, averages well over 1.5 million viewers). You’re lucky Bunheads is over, E! (I watch this show multiple times for screencapping purposes).

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The girls talk in courtyard about eating nice British foods again while sipping tea. Rochelle looks amazing in her purple dress and hipster glasses. Una is freaking out AGAIN about if she should stay in the U.K. instead of going back to Los Angeles. Rochelle tells Una to stay with her man.

Una claims she is a devoted wife–what does she do? Suddenly this is the most dramatic question ever.

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All the girls go to John Henry’s for lessons with their vocal coach David. They seem kind of off on the harmonies, like 5 women thrown together on American Idol group night. David says “do it like you’ve sung together before.” I like this David guy.

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The Sats, minus sick Mollie, go to Birmingham (thanks Internet!) for a calendar signing.  I’m sure everyone was pissed that they missed her.

Rochelle says she can’t call them fans because she’s known them for years. Then they’re your friends?

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Tons of cute teenage girls wait in line. Lots of them have Frankie hair which is fab because she has a really great haircut. Like the Rachel of the UK.

It’s hard to be snarky about Frankie this week after she met with the editor of Glamour UK, who told her what a huge impact her interview about depression had on magazine readers. (If I were Frankie I would cut ties with this magazine after appearing on the cover next to the words “FRANKIE’S PRIVATE HELL.”)

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I WILL be snarky about this woman’s weird haircut. She has wings!

MIND (a mental health charity) would like Frankie to be an ambassador! Frankie says it’s still hard for her to be open but the editor thinks it’s important as a young person for Frankie to talk about it.  (Apparently she had already been associated with the charity, though I can confirm that the ambassadorship is a new thing.)

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ALSO, TOR’S HAIR. I wanted to give her some V05 through the screen, ugh

Frankie is lunching with sister Tor (short for Victoria, thank god). She’s coming back to LA with Frankie, so we’ll see more of her and her terrible hair! Frankie is talking about wanting her apartment to be “homely,” which, according to Frankie, means “old.” NOPE! It’s “ugly.” We know that biscuits are cookies, you could try to learn some of our idioms.

She is questioning being a spokesperson because she doesn’t want to have to tell people everything gets better–she thinks that’s what people will expect of her. I am sad!

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She meets with pretty girl Felicity who is getting help from MIND. Frankie talks about the expectations people have about her life and how depression made her feel like she’s drowning. Felicity really relates to Frankie, who gets inspired to become an ambassador to help more girls. Tear!

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I love that a few of the girls use their cell phones as stand-ins for mics. This way they don’t miss any important texts!

Now there’s DANCING! The Sats are working with regular choreographer, but no one looks excited or happy about it. Una is behind the beat and gets a talking to from the choreographer, who is wearing great lipstick. She’s thinking too much about it.

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She just can’t concentrate. Probably because of this picture of Baby Aoife.

Una says she can’t leave Ben and it’s a hard choice. MAKE UP YOUR MIND. Stop dragging this out–I’m getting tired of this storyline.

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Una sings to Aoife on her guitar and it SO FUCKING CUTE. She and Ben start to plan Aoife’s christening. She thinks there should be 30 people there–the girls, plus family.

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Aoife screamed when Una said she can’t play the guitar yet!

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Una and Vanessa go shopping for Aoife’s christening gown. They put her in this white furry coat and say the baby looks like J Lo. Vanessa sings to her of course. I will watch this show until it ends just to post pictures of this cute freaking baby.

Una tells Ben she wants to tell “them” she can’t go back to L.A. Who are they and why do you think they’ll be OK with this decision? The Sats are a CASH COW in America (hahahahhahahah). Just kidding, Una, do whatever you want.

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She comes up with the perfect solution… Ben can come to LA and do rehab! She’ll feed him grapes. Oh thank goodness this problem is finally solved.

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BEBE CHEEKS!

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Ugly hats are not just for royals in the UK!

Father John, who married Una and Ben, performs the christening. Rochelle looks fantastic and Aoife, in her white gown, is super presh.

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There is creme brulee and champagne at this party and I wonder why I’m not invited to more christenings. Is it because I’m an atheist?

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Marvin and Rochelle are ready for a baby. Do they know Rochelle is pregnant yet? I can’t tell what’s going on. The signing was in September and they announced the pregnancy in November.

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Mollie and Frankie drink mimosas and talk about MIND. Well I hope these drinks have booze in them.

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Next: Una gives Aoife to the girls to babysit so she can have sex with Ben. The girls try on Halloween costumes, making me even more confused about how long they stayed in England. Ummm, I can’t wait?

All screencaps by me. If I recapped this show in the order it happened you would not be able to keep up.

2 Comments

  1. Love this! And ‘pretty girl Felicity’ is me 😉 x

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