Smart ladies love dumb TV, Chasing the Saturdays recap, #SatsCriesandVideotape

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I am FURIOUS that I didn’t notice this show’s idiotic episode titles earlier. The first one was #UnitedSatsofAmerica. Do all E! shows have hashtag episode titles? What is the point of this? The scroll on the bottom of the show says the correct hashtag is #chasingthesaturdays. Stop confusing people.

So nothing happens in Chasing the Saturdays episode 2. AGAIN. I think at least 3 minutes was spent on recapping what happened before commercial breaks and also on interstitial shots of LA. SO. MANY.

Sats Amoeba Music

But I can always look at Amoeba. Fun fact: I went to LA/SF on my honeymoon and spent almost $60 just on 50 cent used 7″s ALONE at this particular record store. They had an amazing sale.

Shopping Sats

In the beginning of #SatsCriesandVideotape {SOB!}, the girls go shopping and are stalked by photogs and children of all ages who want their autographs. All these people are plants hired by E!

Racing Sats

Then Mollie challenges Una to a swimming race. Una won. Mollie, have you seen Una’s abs? You had no chance.

The main stories in this episode are Rochelle and her sex neighbors, Vanessa and her boyfriend, and the band shoots a music video. Let’s see how this all shakes out, shall we?

Rochelle is obsessed with her neighbors having loud sex. She’s so obsessed she tells her (super hot) husband.

Sats Rochelle Marvin 1

Vanessa is really upset she can’t make time to talk to her boyfriend Ben. When she calls him, he’s out, and when he calls her, she’s practicing her sweet dance movez.

Sats Vanessa Ben

This is Vanessa and her boring-looking boyfriend. I eventually turned off that light that gave off the glare, sorry!

The group finds out they’re shooting their new video and the director tells them it’s going to be a “day in the life of the girls in LA” and then they break into a baseball field. Yes, it sounds horrible AND IT IS.

Sats Video Mollie

Mollie then interjects and suggests changes to the baseball storyline that don’t even make sense.

Sats Video Una

All the girls make bitchfaces. Crickets. Poor Mollie.

Sats Pool

Rochelle complains to Mollie and Vanessa about how she can’t sleep because of all the loud sex. Her friends do not tell her to buy earphones or get a sound machine.

Sats Pool 2

Instead they talk about this poor couple and blame them for the noise. Then Vanessa screams and asks if anyone at the pool on the fourth floor is having loud sex. The other girls walk away from her, with good reason. I would too.

Sats Video Shoot

Day one of the video shoot is in the valley and it’s incredibly hot and there are bees. Wahhhh wahhhh. More popstar complaints!

Sats Video Dance

The girls learn a dance routine. Being a popstar is so hard. But hey, where did Vanessa go?

Sats Sad Vanessa

She’s crying in a corner about bland Ben! All the girls except Frankie comfort her. She’s probably smoking or playing Bewjeweled.

The best thing here is the jewelry Una wears during her talking head:

Sats Una Jewelry

When did Una become a mistress of the dark? Also this jewelry looks really cheap.

Sats Rochelle Vanessa

To cheer Vanessa up, Rochelle invites her to her room to listen to the sex people. Vanessa bangs on the wall because she is obnoxious.

Rochelle is wearing a cool necklace in her interview segment:

Sats Rochelle Skull

GIMME.

Sats Vanessa Green

Vanessa interviews in one of the fugliest colored jackets EVER. It might be from Kohl’s. That is a rumor I’m starting.

Sats Video Shoot 2

Then the video is filmed in the baseball field! Everyone is wearing really ugly stuff, especially our friend Vanessa:

Sats Vanessa Bones

Ummmm bone earrings are a definite no.

Sats Vanessa Lips

After the shoot (supposedly…that makeup is way heavier than what Vanessa was wearing on set), Vanessa checks her email on her laptop, even though she has a Blackberry. It’s from milquetoast Ben! He bought her a gift!

Sats Vanessa Jacket

It’s… a vintage jacket with Vanessa embroidered on it! Just what no one has ever wanted.

And the episode ends with Marvin suggesting Skype sex with Rochelle! Thanks for making me uncomfortable, guys!

Sats Rochelle Marvin 2

All screencaps by me. Will recap episode 3 tomorrow.

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