This week at the WORST HOSPITAL IN SEATTLE, CRISTINA IS BACK! CRISTINA IS BACK! CRISTINA IS BACK! CRISTINA IS BACK! CRISTINA IS BACK! 30 Second Dance break!!!
Meredith is staying with Cristina at her Firehouse Loft (Does Owen not live there? Are they reconciling?).
Oh great Callie says were meeting with the lawyers. I have a feeling I am going to be saying “Derek is the worst” a lot this episode and I was so excited about Cristina’s return. Bailey asks about Arizona because they used to be BFFs or they still are but we don’t get to see it. I miss Teddy, Arizona needs a friend, someone other than Callie. Apparently Arizona is walking, GOOD. Bailey tells Callie to tell her to get “her ass back to work” (I am paraphrasing cause I don’t want to rewind, I am a lazy recapper).
Alex is buying Meredith’s house–this is a brilliant idea it keeps a set that already built in use (good fiscal awareness ABC). He then tells her to grow up when he gave her a list of shit she needs to get fixed in the house. Alex, let me tell you something, Meredith is a functioning middle schooler at best, of course she doesn’t know she should fix shit before you buy her house. Mere and Alex pause to work on a sick high schooler with Edwards the only intern I know with a name I like her because she talks back to these jerks. Thank god she has a personality.
And now we get more boring interns. I just want to focus on Edwards, Mac, and Smash. Doe eyed intern got thrown up on by a drunken homeless person. He gives her a sob story then throws up on her again. They all hate Alex but think he is hot. There is an intern that I didn’t know existed. She is like the ghost intern. I think it might be that she looks like doe eyed intern oh dear maybe I think they are the same person.
YAY naked Avery boinking Kepner!!! YAY! YAY! YAY! April doesn’t understand why she can’t stop having sex with Jackson. You can’t stop having sex because Jackson Avery is hot as fuck, April Kepner! Kepner keeps ranting about how awful this is and Avery walks out.
CRISTINA is BACK! We have a new Cardio Chief. She should go to the plane crash meeting because Owen is no longer her proxy. I think this is his veiled way of asking for a divorce.
Bailey calls Arizona because I wrote this episode and I deem her in need of a friend. Bailey is so clever she knows Arizona won’t want to do the friend thing so she lures her in with a medical case. Bailey is so crafty!
Avery only calls the Chief “sir” now because he is dating his mother. Apparently the chief got his Avery’s mixed up. Then we get some adorable banter between the oldies AKA Mere, Yang, Alex, Jackson, and finally Kepner. Jackson is hiding from April.
There is nothing wrong with the homeless dude and the second doe eyed intern is apparently into Alex. Why do they all have to have long brown hair? Why! Stupid doe eyed interns!
Yang meets her new boss. He doesn’t want to mentor her he wants her to just run her own show unless of course she sees something cool.
The plane crash meeting is boring and I’m not going to really delve into it except that the lawyers are going to go after the pilot. This of course upsets the group cause he was paralyzed and one of the victims This is what you wrought Derek, you are suing Jerry the pilot because you couldn’t take the settlement cause you are the WORST! Also I should note that Cristina is in denial about the trauma she suffered and only Owen notices. SOULMATES!
Cristina gets to work with Smash and Mac. She calls them Happy and Mousey these are apparently there dwarf names. Then Smash says something dumb and she renames him Dopey. ARGH! I have missed you so much Yang you be mean to those useless interns!
The high schooler might have cancer and it might be caused by steroids. He is in the model UN not an athlete; he wanted to be bigger to get girls. It’s sad.
Doe eyed intern wants to save homeless dude and it’s BORING because I HATE her. She thinks it’s something more, plus they call him Santa.
April corners Jackson in an on-call room and demands to know why he keeps walking away. It’s cause you called sex with him awful, you bitch! Really she is just talking about the situation and then likens him to a fatty desert. She then starts going on and on about what your body feels like after eating a fatty desert and he leaves again. I love Avery! He is so dreamy!
Bailey is still trying to get Arizona to come to the hospital by lying to her that the intern left the chart outside of her apartment.
Derek and Callie meet with the lawyers but you know there money grubbing lawyers, its way boring! Yang won’t help them because she is Yang. She gives Smash and Mac shit to do more than the other fellows and they love her cause she is a BADASS. I miss Lexi and Mark (I will always miss them. I still miss George and Burke. Strangely I don’t miss Izzie, not even a little. You fuck a ghost, get cancer and then leave the show to make shitty movies, you will be dead to me. Suck It Heigl!).
Mere and Alex have a heart to heart about needing to grow up.
I hate doe eyed intern, giving her a story in this episode sucks, she is terrible. She is not Meredith 2.0!
Callie points out to Derek that he is in fact the worst by not letting them settle. He says they all agreed but she rightly points out that he pushes people to do shit because he is the WORST. She doesn’t actually call him the worst but she should. I think I have hated Derek since he dated that nurse because Mere had commitment issues. He was so shocked by her issues but she was always honest about them. Mere had to go to therapy but does Derek ever have to go to therapy, he has issues TOO! After the shooting he kept getting arrested for goodness sake. And he is a sanctimonious bully! Dr. McDreamy is the worst!
Bailey has Arizona on the MOVE. Bailey is so smart.
Christina impresses the interns and actually TEACHES them plus I love her calling Smash, Dopey/Happy and Mac, Mousey. Owen yells at Christina, he is an asshole.
Bailey’s con works, ARIZONA IS IN THE HOSPITAL AND WALKING!
I think the Chief and Debbie Allen are fucking with Avery by sending him graphic emails meant for the other person it is hilarious and means we get lots of Avery! The Chief points out that most people just delete emails that aren’t there’s but Avery has been making sure that the Chief and Debbie Allen connect because he is secretly supportive of the relationship. I love the Chief!
Of course Callie comes around to Derek’s side of things acting like him pushing her is a good thing because for some reason the writers of this show don’t understand that he is a douche. COME ON SHONDA, he is totally the WORST!
Jackson has feelings April he is not a car wreck or dessert or bumming out Jesus!
Alex and Mere have been talking about the house and Alex being a douche all episode. In the end Mere fixes nothing because no one learns anything on this show let alone personal growth. Alex does buy the house because all of the flaws of Mere’s house are from there PAST! Remember George Alex? Remember your ex-wife Issy? Remember that party in season 1?
We then end with the bombshell of all bombshells the lawyers want to go after Seattle Grace Mercy West (worst hospital in Seattle) instead of the airline or pilot. I have no fucking clue how they think the plane crash was the fault of Hunt and Seattle Grace Mercy Hospital. It may be a terrible place to get surgery but it didn’t bring down a plane.
I just remembered Owen lives in a trailer in Mere and Der’s backyard (you think we have forgotten where that trailer is located Shonda but were not that dumb). Cristina doesn’t want to live in her loft she owned with Owen so she moves in with Alex!!!
New episode in two weeks, it looks stressful and it looks like Avery impregnated Kepner, FUN!!!
Photos from ABC