Smart ladies love dumb TV, ranking American Idol’s top 10 boys

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American Idol J Lo boys 1
The boys last night were much more relaxed than the girls, and therefore performed better, which made it difficult to rank them. I didn’t LOVE all ten eight but I didn’t want to stick sharp things in my ears as many times as I did on Tuesday. To me, my #7 through #1 are much closer together than any of the girls (except MK and Majesty).

Does anyone get tired of seeing Adam Lambert on this show? The correct answer is "Fuck no!"

Does anyone get tired of seeing Adam Lambert on this show? The correct answer is “Fuck no!”

9. {HUGE GAP} TIE Emmanuel Zidor and Spencer Lloyd

American Idol top 16 boys

Spencer, saved for the final pimp spot, performed an incredibly cheesy Fray song that the judges hated. I appreciated that he chose an uptempo song but he was awful and smug. The less said about Emmanuel’s screechy take on “Best of my Love,” the better. J Lo did get to say “I Zidor you” so he can go home now. [I would have enjoyed Emmanuel more if he and JLo did indeed have their”heel off” or “walk off in heels.” I have no comment on Spencer I quit to go watch more figure skating because I knew he would be awful. -K] 

8. Ben Briley

There were times I hated frat boy Ben more than I did Spencer or Emmanuel (ughhh that backwards hat was so douchey) but insisting on playing the electric guitar was a smart move and I liked his little solo. See, I can say nice things! However, I watched this performance again to post the video and it gets worse with age. [Chris Daughtry looked like he was going to kill Ben when he suggested rocking out on an electric guitar, Daughtry does not enjoy contestants playing guitar on Idol because he was denied! And I hated Ben, I am firmly on team Dexter! -K] 

7. Caleb Johnson

When compared to Skylar Laine’s version of “Stay with Me” two years ago, Caleb was a big old fail. But he is the best performer of all the guys–he is really magnetic. There is Idol precedence that if he gets in the finals, he will be at least Top 4. [He is not boring but I hate him. He is firmly ensconced in a love triangle in my American Idol fan-fic –if only I weren’t worried about being sued for libel! -K]

6. Dexter Roberts

Really, Dexter seems like a sweet dude but this performance was not dynamic enough. And the white tank under the white shirt? Whose idea was that? [In Dexter’s defense (why do I like this kid so much) he did specifically state he needed a stylist and then they let him dress himself so I blame Idol for the white tank (in my fan-fic Dexter has a tragic love but this will win him Grammys). I love Dexter more than Ben. -K]

5. George Lovett

George has such a good voice, which you could hear in the verses of “Grenade,” but he lost his way during the song. I am sad this will probably be the last time we see him but I voted for him anyway. [George is hot America! George leaned on the run and was very loud but I love him so I hope he doesn’t go home. -K]

4. Sam Woolf

Oh, young, red-faced Sam. I am so impressed that you got into Berklee and if I were you I would quit Idol and just do that. But you obviously want to win the hearts of millions, and that’s cool. Fun fact: my husband and I got into a fight once about this song–I swore it was called “Avalon.” [Sam looked like a deer caught in the headlights whenever he wasn’t singing, I worry for his gentle soul. -K]

3. Alex Preston

Before last night, I had written Alex off as college (I should have been focusing that term on Ben Briley, I know that now), but he has showed a lot of musicianship–his guitar playing is really great, and I could actually hear it–and has some P2-esque potential. [I enjoy Alex more than I ever enjoyed P2. His guitar playing is great and I like his shyness. I just wish he didn’t remind me of Peter Pettigrew in the Harry Potter movies –an attractive Peter Pettigrew but Peter Pettigrew none the less. -K]

2. Malcolm Allen

I think Malcolm has the potential to be the most modern R&B singer this show has ever seen–like, I pictured him collaborating with Kendrick Lamar and Frank Ocean in during his performance of “Comin’ Where I’m From.” Unfortunately, voters don’t care about these things and they especially don’t like modern R&B singers. [Malcolm is hot America! I loved Malcolm. I wish he wore his bow-tie and glasses during his performance. I have dreams of him in nice blazers and tight pants! Malcolm can sing well too! -K]

1. CJ Harris

Doing a Ray LaMontagne song was the smartest thing CJ could do. That is exactly the kind of artist CJ could be. AND how cute was his crying girlfriend? Katie and I noticed how he stood up for every other contestant too. He is so nice! Don’t hurt him, America. [America if you don’t love CJ you are a heartless mistress of negativity! -K]

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Now that the top 20 have been announced, I will say I am very sad that Maurice and Brandy were not given the chance to sing, especially considering how terrible several of the contestants were (ahem, Emmanuel and Marialle), and that Savion did not make the top 30. The “Return of Savion” will be the big story of 2015, ugh.

Tonight, the top 5 vote getters of each gender and three (?) wild cards will be announced. I am really interested to see how the voting changes have affected the outcome–you can now only vote 50 times per method per contestant, so there might be fewer teens mass voting for cute boys.

All gifs/photos from americanidol.

8 Comments

  1. Out of all the contestants, I like Adam Lambert the best. He can be on Idol as much as possible. The man should have his own TV variety show like Sonny and Cher, complete with platform shoes.

  2. For the boys this year, though I’m not terribly impressed with any, my faves right now are Caleb and Alex.That said, I think a girl will win this season. About Adam Lambert? Yes, yes and YES again! He is a sparkly, magical, sexy Unicorn of a mega-talented performer and Idol would actually be wise to dedicate an entire show to this man! But I suspect ya’ll already knew that, right? I’m crossing my fingers for a finale with HIM singing lead for Queen and announcing their summer 2014 North American Tour!

    • I think a girl will win too. Even though she’s a wildcard (WTF), Jena really has potential to be huge. Even though the boys’ performances were less wobbly, I prefer the girls.
      Thanks for reading! xoM

  3. I only watched the show to see Adam Lambert mentoring the contestants. What I don’t understand is why he wasn’t shown on camera more. My twitter feed was filled with at least 1000 tweets and most were from newbies saying how HOT Adam Lambert is and how they loved seeing him again on idol. AI should have had him and Chris do a solo tonight or at least let them show the contestants how to perform especially Adam who is a pro at it. Personally not impressed w any of the contestants left as they got rid of Savion and David Oliver Willis way too soon. Big mistake it turned off a lot of people who have now tuned out of the show.

    • Oh David Oliver Willis! Now I am sad again because I thought he was great and it was a shame he was cut.
      Adam and Chris are a billion times the mentor Randy Jackson will ever be.
      Thanks for reading! xoM

  4. More Adam please! Only reason I watched.

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