Smart ladies love dumb TV, ranking the American Idol top 7 (8?) performances

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J Lo is FEELIN IT.

J Lo is FEELIN IT.

Even though last night was technically top 7 night, 8 contestants performed, including non fan-saved Qaasim, so I will rank all the performances.

The show was really weird, which even EW noted (to the people on the fb post who said this is the worst season by far: you are wrong. Go listen to music that is not thirty years old). There were two sets of mentors (Florida Georgia Line and Jason Derulo, who both performed) AND an extra tossed-in live bit from Iggy Azalea and J Hud. And Harry kind of did “Teenage Dream,” which just made me miss J Lo and her magical dress.

American Idol JLo 02

In any case, here are the eight performances ranked from worst to first. [Katie is working in a remote location today so she might add comments later. I wanted to get this posted fast!]

8. Jax, “Poker Face”

Why did she do that to this song? I know I keep saying it, but I wish Jax would stop trying so hard and overthinking everything. I think she makes smart choices and understands the game of American Idol (I respect these contestants like this, coughcoughCOLTONcoughcough) but OVERarranging things is not helping her finish above fifth.

Also, I cannot hear this song without thinking of this:

7. Rayvon Owen, “Set Fire to the Rain”

Minus points for picking Adele. I like him way, way better than Nick, but he has to stop picking such corny crap. Why didn’t he do Miguel’s “Adorn”? Or the Frank Ocean-penned Bey song “I Miss You”? “Climax” by Usher has a lot of falsetto!

6. Nick Fradiani, “Teenage Dream”

If everyone is going to go on and on about how this is a singing competition, why is Nick still around? His voice is fine, not remarkable, and he never does anything to show it off. Why does no one critique him for being off-pitch?

5. Clark Beckham, “Make it Rain”

Clark needs to lose the innocent Christian act and realize it’s okay if he wants to be Gary Clark Jr. That is a fine thing to want to be. (I’m going to see him this summer!) Gary Clark Jr is WAY better than Michael McDonald.

4. Qaasim Middleton, “Hey Ya”

It’s a shame Qaasim went home because this was the most joyous performance of the night. Even Iggy can’t hide her annoyance at prancing around and singing for others. It was also one of his best vocals–see, you can dance AND sing!

3. Joey Cook, “Wrecking Ball”

I liked this more than the judges! I don’t need her to sound like Miley. She is Joey and therefore wonderful. I love how she and Quentin support each other every week. It’s so sweet and if she wasn’t engaged to the cute bearded dude I would ship them.

2. Tyanna Jones, “Stay”

This Rihanna song has never been one of my favorites but Tyanna KILLED IT. I wish she would stick to more contemporary stuff instead of Disney soundtrack nonsense. She is super talented and could definitely have a career after this show.

1. Quentin Alexander, “Latch”

I love this song with all of my heart and Quentin (and the glorious back up singers) absolutely did it justice. While I miss the fuzzy coat, this outfit is sleek and so perfectly reflective of what hipsters/musicians are wearing. I didn’t even notice this was a 90 second version–it was perfectly chopped for TV.

If you have song suggestions for Rayvon, I’d love to hear them, so we can all fantasize about a world where he remains in the competition for another three weeks.

All gifs from the American Idol tumblr.

 

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