Smart ladies love dumb TV, ranking the top 12 boys on American Idol


I feel like this gif is going to be so versatile. Via.

I feel like this gif is going to be so versatile. Via.

Tonight is the night! The Top 12 boys will perform for our votes! Like many others, I think the boys (it feels weird calling a 29 year old a “boy”) are stronger than the girls. Tomorrow, look for my post on the lovely ladies of American Idol.

I am not making predictions here (I am always wrong this early), but ranking the contestants on their previous work and how much I enjoy them.

A lot of these people have auditioned for other shows so going through YouTube videos is a chore. I tried to get non-Idol videos, if possible.

1. Rayvon Owen

Rayvon is from Richmond, so I am biased. He went to the same religious-school-with-a-good-music-program that Melinda Doolittle (and several other season 14 rejects) attended, Belmont University. Not only is he dreamy with a good voice, but he just seems completely profesh and ready to go. Of all the videos I posted here, this is the only one I watched all the way through. [Such a crystal clear voice, so foxy! -K]

2. Savion Wright

Oh Savion, you are are all my Idol hopes and dreams wrapped in one precious package. I think he has a chance to be a huge fan favorite because of his personality and that he is familiar to voters. [We were so crushed when he was not in the top 24 last year. -K]

3. Riley Bria

I really want to dislike this kid, who is 18 and reminds everyone of a tiny Keith Urban, but he has potential and is a great guitar player. He doesn’t seem phony or try-hard. [I keep forgetting he exists but that’s cause he is a child. He does have a nice voice. -K]

4. Clark Beckham

White dudes that sing soul ARE NOT my favorite. But Clark can wail, and for reasons I do not understand, Katie loves to watch his legs when he plays piano. [His legs are like Kermit arms, they are so spindly and frenetic. I shall dub them fraggle legs!-K]

5. Quentin Alexander

I know Quentin is not the best singer, but he is cute and stylish and would probably put out the most interesting album of all the contestants. [I think I might like his personality the best. -K]

6. Mark Andrew

I like that he’s older (29 is like ancient for this show, and above the age cutoff, so he must have gotten in on a technicality), but not that he can’t remember the words to “Skinny Love” and complains about losing sleep because of a baby. [He has a laid back style I dig and reminds me of the dudes I went to college with. -K]

7. Qaasim Middleton

Something about Qaasim bothers me–maybe it’s the Hollywood background (he was on Nick’s Naked Brothers Band, whatever that is) and the fact that he has auditioned for every reality show ever. But his mom is awesome and his performance last week was great! [This kid has talent and apparently really wants to be famous so go forth Qaasim, just stop flirting with Jax she is my nemesis. -K]

8. Trevor Douglas

He annoys the crap out of me and Katie, but teenage girls will love him (more than Daniel I suspect). The role of P2 keeps getting younger and younger! Trevor won a contest called “DFW Icon.” I assume that is “Dallas Fort Worth” but in higher education it’s “drop fail withdrawal.” I actually had Trevor at #7 until I watched the video above. He will be top 5. [I would like him if he sang show tunes. Every year I drive Melissa crazy with my want and desire for these kids to sing show tunes this kid has the right amount of obnoxious affection to really be great on the stage. -K]

9. Nick Fradiani

Nick is also 29 and seems incredibly mediocre. So mediocre that I should have probably placed him lower but I just can’t do it to someone of such an advanced age. I learned on YouTube that he plays with his dad a lot (Nick here is actually junior) and was in an America’s Got Talent group called Beach Avenue. Ugh. [I never remember him. -K]

10. Adam Ezegelian

We do not need another Caleb, especially one who is best suited to Broadway. Maybe American Idiot is looking for some new castmembers? Hire him so he can leave my TV. (Adam gets credit for starting a YouTube channel with VLOGS after making it to Idol.) [He and Trevor should run away together to the great white way –and by together I mean together! FANFICTION! -K]

11. Michael Simeon

I can never remember him (oh, just you wait until we get to the girls’ post!), so it ranks him above a child and below someone who should move to New York and try out for Rock of Ages. Sounds about right. He will now be known as the guy who covers Drake. He should probably be switched with Nick. [I always think this kid is Clark and then he sings and I’m like you are not Clark, you are a poor man’s Clark. -K]

12. Daniel Seavey

He is a child whose voice has not changed yet and I wish this show would stop putting children through with hopes of finding another Ju$tin Beiber. He’s TOO YOUNG. [He would have made an excellent come back story for 2018. Also he creepily flirts with JLo.-K]

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