Smart ladies love dumb TV, ranking the top ten performances on American Idol

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American Idol 01

You guys, it’s been really hard to write about American Idol this year, what with their insane schedule (two performance nights last week?) and lack of a boring elimination episode that gave me a buffer day for writing. So I decided to write a short-and-dirty post with my reactions to Top Ten night, where the theme is “Movie Night,” one of my least favorites, as I fucking HATE “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” The contestants spared us from that song, but instead gave us several songs that were more than 25 years old.

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ALSO, J Lo performed in a magic dress. And Keith kind of mentioned his wife:

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All of this plus some pretty good performances made this one of the better shows of the season. In order from worst to first:

11. Daniel Seavey- “Lost Stars” from Begin Again

The Idol tumblr did not post a gif of Daniel so enjoy this one of Nile Rogers.

The Idol tumblr did not post a gif of Daniel so enjoy this one of Nile Rogers.

To me this is a Keira Knightley song, not Adam Levine–in the movie, Keira wrote it for her asshole boyfriend (Levine). This was so terrible I don’t even want to talk about it. I muted it after twenty seconds and then fantasized about Daniel being eliminated next week because he went second and that’s the death slot. [Dear America we all lose by you insisting Daniel is worthy of his place on Idol. -K]

10. Maddie Walker- “Let’s Hear it For the Boy” from Footloose

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KARAOKE. And everyone knows THIS is the definitive cover of this song. (I will seriously look for any excuse to post this Doveman cover, which gives me chills.) Harry was right, Maddie does not know who she is. [So bad. Her outfit was also insane, her shorts needed to be trimmed and her headband was almost offensive. -K]

9. Tyanna Jones- “Circle of Life” from The Lion King

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And the award for worst song choice goes to… Tyanna! I need this show to ban Disney songs for contestants under 25. Nick should have done “Be Our Guest,” though. The thought of that cracks me up. Also, Tyanna was under pitch the whole time and I was so disappointed. [I didn’t hate this as much as everyone else did but that’s cause I think that’s because I listen to show tunes all the time so I hear either this song or “Hakuna Matata” at least once per week if not twice. -K]

8. Nick Fradiani- “Danger Zone” from Top Gun

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Only Nick would respond to the criticism about being more original by picking a twenty-five year old song from a movie no one cares about anymore. I don’t agree with JLo that Nick is Idol’s cool, hot guy. More like their corny grandpa. WOMP WOMP. I do enjoy anytime I get to see Mama Seacrest, so I thank him for the Fradiani Frenzy. [I think he is a liar and is really 40. -K]

7. Jax- “Grow Old With You” from The Wedding Singer

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The first thing I noticed about Jax during the “Get Lucky” group number (???!!!) was her crazy new hair. She is trying too hard to be normal. That’s not what people want! I promise. This was an interesting song choice and she sang it well, but honestly, I find her so grating and am unable to place her any higher. [Her new hair is so fake she looks like a baby doll and it creeps me out. -K]

6. Rayvon Owen- “Stayin’ Alive” from Saturday Night Fever

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I was totally into the funky beat and tight Prince quality the official SLLS Idol boyfriend gave “Stayin’ Alive.” The sexy dancing totally helped too, wink wink. I don’t think it was the perfect song choice but the theme is fucking lame, so what are you gonna do? Katie IMed me that she loved Clark’s air bass. Awww Clark, you are boring, even while doing air bass. [Rayvon is hot and I heart is falsetto so AMAZING! -K]

5. Qaasim Middleton- “Come Together” from Across the Universe

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I am so happy Qaasim was saved, as he definitely deserves to be on this show over Daniel and Maddie. I think the confusing voting will not help him (I already submitted my app votes before he performed, but I voted for him on the web!), though hopefully he will not be eliminated next week. Also, while I thought he did great, picking a song from what is essentially a jukebox musical is cheating. [Qaasim totally sang for his life and it was amazing. He is the pep in this show and people need to vote for him because in all honesty he is the next Bruno Mars. He also dances like James Brown. VOTE FOR HIM! STOP VOTING FOR DANIEL! -K]

4. Adanna Duru- “I Love You, I Do” from Dreamgirls

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I do think Adanna could be a dark horse due to her cute personality and ability to belt but parts of “I Love You, I Do” were super breathy and flat. I am still waiting for the producers to let her sing Tinashe or Solange. I want real modern R&B on this show SO BAD. The Weeknd, D’Angelo, Ciara, SOMETHING PLEASE LORD. [Adanna is so freaking cute and likable. -K]

3. Clark Beckham- “Sunday Morning” from Cheaper by the Dozen 2

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The second Adam Levine-related song in one night (KILL ME), but this was actually good. I’m so glad Clark did a song from the past ten years (every time I see him, I think, “If I hear ‘Yah Mo Be There’ one more time I’m going to ‘Yah Mo’ burn this place to the ground”). This might have been my favorite of all of his performances. The falsetto was beautiful, and the arrangement was simple and suited the song so well. [This is the first time I have loved Clark since he eschewed the keyboard and I can no longer see his fraggle legs. -K]

2. Joey Cook- “Mad World” from Donnie Darko

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This song already had a huge Idol moment with Adam Lambert, so I did initially think my little former Richmonder didn’t make the smartest choice. Thankfully, her version was different, but still creepy. and beautiful. Also, the staging was great, as were her hair and outfit. COULD JOEY WIN THIS THING? I am trembling just thinking about it. [She was totally my second fave of the night. I loved this so much. I pray for a Joey/Quentin final. -K]

1. Quentin Alexander- “You’re the One That I Want” from Grease

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Quentin has the edge slightly over Joey, though both were amazing, because he did something completely new (to me–apparently this was in a commercial) with a song I love. I have seen every season of this show and he is the most exciting contestant since Adam Lambert. I don’t care about his pitch issues–plenty of them had problems tonight–because he’s so damn magnetic. [I am always moved by the emotion of Quentin that I never notice the pitch/tone issues because he takes me someplace new and I think those issues will be resolved once he isn’t on a competition show. -K]

All gifs from American Idol’s tumblr, which is just great. Next week I will try to add some screencaps. 😉

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