Smart ladies love dumb TV, The Saturdays as reality stars

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Chasing The Saturdays did not air on February 3rd due to the Super Bowl. I have some reality TV show thoughts I’d like to share in lieu of a recap.

The Saturdays 2

Claim: If The Saturdays become famous in the US, it will not be because of their music

Evidence:

This Perez Hilton performance that was in the first episode. Though the footage was edited to make the girls appear super popular; the crowd, did not in fact go wild. Also: WTF, Vanessa? That is the least flattering outfit ever. Why can’t these girls get real stylists? You cannot be famous until Ryan Hastings puts you in some some Miu Miu. This whole mess did not look that bad on E!,  possibly because the girls were filmed from above with really nice cameras and the editing was lightning fast. (Thanks to Brooke for the tip about this!)

Reality shows make you aware of stars’ desperation for fame. The idea for this post came from Kerrys blog who just started watching The Bachelor (she promptly quit, and I don’t blame her cause I don’t even watch that shit). Americans love reality TV stars but we can also see through their famewhore bullshit. I know what you’re doing, Saturdays/Bachelor contestants, and I don’t like it, but I will continue to watch your shows because I can do whatever I want.

Ashley Parker Angel

Reality tv ≠ record sales. I am not interested in anything Kim Kardashian can give me–styling tips, clothes from Dash, a fluffy dead kitten or a shitty line from Sears. What she can do is entertain me. Same with any of these people: Denise Richards, that Jonas kid, the Osbournes, Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie, Ashley Parker Angel, and the girl from The Bachelor whose show I run across randomly [How did I miss Ashley Parker Angel?!? Is that a guy or a girl, is it a band?!? I’m so confused?!? -K]. And if I only want their show, I’m sure much of the viewing audience feels the same way. I have no doubt that there are some cult Jonas fans running the earth but they do not make up the entire viewing audience for Married to Jonas (I know this because I watched it). Therefore, by skills I learned in math class, reality TV show fame record sales. [The exception to this is singing competition shows, of course, for many, many reasons.]

One Direction shoulder bag

Fame is gracing tween school supplies. I know Brooke says people like The Wanted but until I see their faces on school folders at Target, I will be filled with doubt.  I searched “The Wanted” backpack on Amazon and found nothing but “One Direction” backpack gets you this sweet messenger bag. They are doing a reality show on E! too, which is not surprising at all. The Wanted, like The Saturdays, want to be famous, but they will not ever be One Direction famous in the US. Tweens do not watch Chasing The Saturdays— it’s on at 10pm on Sundays! There is an age gap between who should buy Saturdays records and who is watching their show–all the hip gays in LA can’t give them a number one hit. [The Wanted are hilarious we will all love them when their show airs —I’m serious I have watched a lot of Wanted Wednesdays! -K]

People are sexist. Ladies, you will learn this the hard way. Take it from Bob Lefsetz, even semi-respected music writers will sexualize you and trivialize your talent, especially if you are on the big bad stage of E! reality TV.

Mystery

No mystery. When you’re a reality star people feel they know you and then want to talk to you about things that happened on your show. Who the fuck goes up to Mariah Carey in a restaurant? NO ONE. Mystery makes people more famous, because when Katie Couric or Oprah interviews these enigmas it becomes a huge deal.

House of Harlow

Reality TV show fame is fleeting. As I’ve shown, it will not equal record sales or licensed paper products. What it does equal is more reality shows, a hosting gig on the worst singing competition show on TV or a low-rent clothing line if you’re lucky. I commend Nicole Richie for becoming a legitimate designer of goods people actually want (House of Harlow, affordable AND cute) as opposed to her reality TV BFF Paris Hilton, who is a huge, dated joke.

 

 

3 Comments

  1. There is no denying that 1D is uncontrollably popular right now. TW even agreed with Harry Styles (who wears hear patterned shirts to his birthday party with strippers) when he said that TW would be much more popular if 1D weren’t in the way and have also said that even their fame-whore manager Scooter Braun is more famous than they are. The 2.5 songs that TW have released in the US have not done so badly in comparison to the 5 that 1D have in the past year, though. You should check out the entire stores dedicated solely to 1D merchandise where you can swipe that sweet messenger bag and the hair straightener set that apparently no one has mentioned to Harry. TW said they are probably a “bit too ropey” to be picking up the kinds of fans that 1D does (i.e. they love to tell each other’s embarrassing drunk stories and give interviews while trashed).

    Supposedly, TW will be on next week’s episode gallivanting around with The Sat’s at the LA county fair. It’ll be interesting to see what Brits think of corndogs and funnel cake.

    Kate – O’Town? Making of the Band? We have a lot of Youtube to catch up on.

    (I feel like I just accidentally wrote an entire post defending a bunch of 23 year olds. Sorry!)

  2. I ignored Katie’s Ashley Parker Angel comment because his show was one of the true joys of my life.

    It’s ok! Maybe you can write a rebuttal for the blog. I am very conflicted about loving reality TV and British pop stars but also hating this celebrity-creation garbage. All while knowing the patterns of stardom. I’m worried for my girls The Sats. I don’t want this show to be a waste of their time but it probably is.

  3. I think you’re right, unfortunately, about those poor girls. I don’t think their single even broke the top 100 on iTunes which is sad alone, but nearly pathetic considering they have a reality show that can make them look almost exciting.

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