Smart ladies love dumb TV, The Wanted Life recap, Bahamas Like a Pop Star

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This week on The Wanted Life, Siva looks really happy on four separate occasions. Don’t worry, I will point them out for you. I am wondering if Ryan Seacrest told him to take that lemon out of his mouth.

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Max walks in the kitchen and announces that he just got off the phone with Scooter and they’re going to the BAHAMAS. Just one gig and four days to chill. He hopes it will help Nathan’s voice.

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Why are pop stars buying Prego, REALLY?  It’s so gross. Trader Joe’s and Muir Glen both make fine jarred sauce.

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Then he puts the famous straw hat on Nathan.

Tom and Kelsey are really excited about swimming with dolphins as they are cutely weird.

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The older manager guy (George? I don’t fucking know) suggests Jay get a base tan before the Bahamas, but he doesn’t want to get orange skin.

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LOUD CHANTING.

Then all of a sudden everyone is chanting “SPRAY TAN! SPRAY TAN!”

Then Jay says, “Why can’t you just accept me for my color?” Which is funny because it’s a play on racism. But probably not.

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Why so serious?

Siva meets with Nano about not being in the video/song for “Walks Like Rihanna” (ewww I just hate typing that out). He thinks he put in the same amount of work as everyone else but now he’s questioning his purpose in the band. He’s getting all existential like me during my birthday time. Nano says they made it the best they possibly could. Siva is willing to step up now that Nathan is sick, but Nano says there’s nothing they can do now and they should work towards the Bahamas. He ends with “cheers!” but Siva is clearly thinking, “fuck you.”

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Some girls in black come over and it turns out they are here to spray tan poor Jay! This seems like a form of bullying.

Nathan says:

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And high fives the girls.

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Max says Jay is like Matt Damon in The Talented Mr. Ripley when Jude Law tells him “You’re so white. Ever seen a guy so white, Marge?” I am impressed with this because Max obviously loves movies and this might be his first solo movie reference this series and also because he does a decent accent of a Brit acting as an American, like Law does in the movie. Excellent work on the accent, friend.

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Jay/Jesus

He is sprayed pretty well and looks tan enough but is told that he will get darker.

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12 hours, in fact.

Nareesha asks if he’ll be her color and the ladies in black say “darker.”

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After that everyone screams with horror. Kids, you made him do this, these are the consequences.

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Max: “He went in looking like Edward Scissorhands and came out looking like this microphone in front of me.” Not so much, Max.

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Jay rolls on the grass but is warned he’s going to get streaks so he jumps in the pool as if that will prevent the spray tan from doing its thing.

Bahamas montage! Whenever there’s a montage I sing this in my head.

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Happy Siva #1!! Look at that smile!

Nano gets all serious about the gig and Siva, in an attempt to appear fun-loving, pours water down his back.

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Shots on the beach! WOOOOO! Actually I am super jealous of this.

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Happy Siva #2! I am so proud of him!

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Max shoots an airball and knocks over Nano’s drink. Probably on purpose.

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Jay asks Max if he has heard anything about the audition he went on a few weeks ago. He says he hasn’t. Jay thinks they should hire Max because “he’s both talented, he looks the part and he’s not a dick to work with” (technically this is three things and not “both” but I will let it slide since Jay was probably drunk during that interview).

Max should probably audition for more things–he has nothing on imdb except playing himself. He wants the part for the experience though, and also because he’ll have a hot girlfriend in the movie which is unlike real life how?

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Someone start a sad Nathan meme, stat!

Soundcheck at Atlantis Ballroom. Siva volunteers to step up and take more of Nathan’s parts. Nathan is upset and frustrated BLAH BLAH I wish I got to go to the Bahamas for work and not actually have to work. It sounds pretty nice.

Pics with fans. Nathan’s birthday, was told to go in room where he was presented with this cake:

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This cake reminds me of when I ran payroll for Hooters. It was the worst job I ever had and I can’t ever smell wings again.

Which he does this to:

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Jay is happy to see Nathan’s face in a pair of boobs when he was so upset. There is more of Nathan being upset in the episode but I am not going to talk about it again because it is so boring.

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Happy Siva #3! He loves swimming with dolphins!

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The swimming with dolphins looks fun and for how excited Kelsey and Tom were about doing it, they hardly show it at all.
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At the show, Jay announces, “If there is anyone in the room that is a little slow, we are The Wanted.” I feel like saying this is offensive to people with disabilities but I could be extra sensitive. “And over down there, slightly insecure is our manager Nano.”

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Nano gets the only screams from young girls he’s ever going to get and he flicks the boys off. DUDE BE THANKFUL that ladies know your name now.

Max keeps talking about cougars AGAIN. I ALSO find this term offensive so I will ignore the interview Max gave about it.

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He sucks at lip synching, it is not convincing.

Nathan is the only one not singing live (“Glad You Came” AGAIN) but he was disappointed in having to “mime” for his fans. This is the only mime Americans know:

Marcel Marceau

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Siva and Nareesha get alone time at Nobu. N tells S about an important meeting she has when they go back in the UK and then Siva talks about how he wants to support her business more and how she always takes a back seat and it’s all very cute and genuine but he’s still in a huge pop band who tours the world. This is Siva’s reaction to Nareesha’s news:

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Happy Siva #4! He is happier than he has been in the five previous episodes combined. He is bursting with joy.

Tells her about his meeting with Nano & she says not to take Nano’s answer. She says the boys are famous enough and their fans each have their favorite and the fans all deserve to see their faves. I LOVE this way of putting things, like this is how things are for boyband fans (my favorite from NKTOB was Jonathan, because OF COURSE I LIKE THE GAY ONE that I can’t have, I was dumb about men even in 5th grade).

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I hope the producers didn’t tell her to say that. S thinks it might happen again in the future if he doesn’t stick up for himself.

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Max gets a call from Jin Kelley the screenwriter (Jin? crap I wrote it down wrong for a previous recap) and offers him the part!!!!!!!!

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Max thinks it’s a joke but he’s told he has a “natural talent for it” (AKA he’s already famous so built-in viewers). He is worried to take time away from the band, but little does he know Nathan will need some time away too:

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OH GOD MORE NATHAN. He’s sounding worse. Could this be the end of the band? This part is TOTALLY MELODRAMATIC.

On the season finale of The Wanted Life: Nareesha gets a life, Max gets another job, and the band might break up. I don’t want this show to end because what do I recap?

 

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