Smart ladies love dumb TV, The Wanted Life recap, Party Like a Popstar

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Everything I know about The Wanted is from reading Brooke’s posts and the few times they’ve come up on Chasing the Saturdays. I don’t know anything about their music but from the half hour special I watched on E! last week, they seem like funny, charming dudes, so I’m kind of looking forward to The Wanted Life. I will recap this show the same way I did The Sats: two days after it airs and with lots of screencaps. This week it’s three days because the first episode was an hour. There is just not enough time in the day for that.

Let’s get this shit started, yes?

More rocking LA interstitials than on Chasing the Sats. We end up on the Nokia Theater, which I know because we saw the word “NOKIA” close up in about five iterations.

Wanted ep 1 01

At LA Live Backstage, Max says that there are credible famous people on the wall, and here come The Wanted. This is exactly how I feel so I am warming to these dudes already.

Wanted ep 1 02

We meet Nano, the boys’ “day-to-day” American manager, because I guess Scooter Braun is really busy with Psy. A grown man named Nano. Think about that for a minute. He tells them to focus and be serious, and the little one responds by saying they are always focused.

Jay says, “Should we be focused or not?” They keep cracking jokes and make Nano leave.

There’s a cute intro with lots of explanation, which is good because I have trouble remembering their names. Also Siva and Tom’s girlfriends seem kind of awesome.

They move into their new house and they are most excited about the pool table and bar. Those are nice and all but if I had a swimming pool as gorgeous as theirs I would quit my job and just swim all day.

Wanted ep 1 05

Jay: “It’s like the Playboy mansion but nicer and less dirty stuff in the pool. FOR NOW.”

Wanted ep 1 06

Max calls his mom and describes the house. I’m sure he will miss living with his mom, because who will clean up after him now?

The girls can’t tend bar for shit.

Wanted ep 1 07

Kelsey, Tom’s girlfriend, gets drunk and takes over the bar, wearing a one piece leopard print pajama suit. Tom says she’s so much like a boy she should have a penis. Dude that is NOT SOMETHING you need to tell the world. Plus it’s all kinds of misogynistic (who’s to say who can be masculine, really?).

Nathan can’t drink in America because he’s 19 and I’m certain this will be a source of humor for the rest of the season. I would die if I went to a country whose drinking age was 34.

Wanted ep 1 08

The band goes to Wayne Hector’s studio, and they discuss their “more mature sound.” It also seems like they haven’t worked with him much but he has written many of their songs, including hit “Glad You Came,” which you’ll be sick of after one episode of The Wanted Life.

It becomes clear that Jay is my favorite, which is reinforced by his interviewing in this weird shawl-collared shirt:

Wanted ep 1 04

Max loves girls in LA, calls them more “open” but he probably means “slutty.” I don’t know if I buy the aw, shucks personas of these guys.

Max says Nathan has never been on a date. Poor kid. They seem to have a cute relationship, though, and I hope the show explores it and it’s not just the Jay and Max crack jokes on Nano show (though I would totally watch that).

Then I see a commercial for The Heat AKA THE BEST MOVIE OF OUR TIME. It is the highlight of my night so far.

Wanted ep 1 09

Nareesha & Kelsey go shopping at Kin. She explains that they will need new dresses for every time they go out–it’s very different in America. This is true because fashion blogs love to berate people for wearing the same thing twice even though everyone does that in real life.

Nareesha says Kelsey is more of a party girl and she can’t really bond with her. She doesn’t care about showing her boobs or wearing shirts as dresses. Kelsey, however, calls Nareesha “the only other person in the world who understands what I’m feeling.” Uh oh, I hope they don’t fight!

Max wants to have a party–so does everyone except Siva and Nareesha–so they gang decides to spend just 30 minutes cleaning their giant home.

Wanted ep 1 10

I love that they call cleaning “spruce springsteen.”

Wanted ep 1 11

Then we see the house is outfitted with a confessional room like The Real World. I wish Chasing the Saturdays had one of those. It would be all baby Aoife!

Jay: “I feel like we’re pregnant with a party and we’re aware that the party is far bigger than our birth canal and we know we’re going to love the party when it happens and love it unconditionally but it’s a bit like that initial ‘oh God please enjoy it.'” That idea lost it a little there in the end. Jay needs to work on delivery.

If this was a wedding and not filmed for the very popular E! network, people would be plying Nathan with booze (this totally happened at a wedding I went to this weekend before I got sick on the party bus from two bottles of wine).

Wanted ep 1 12

At the party, Jay is into this one brunette girl who has “a little edge to her” but she obviously prefers Max. They do shots.

Siva and Nareesha go to bed as the party is getting started because they are boring. The boys are all pissed because it’s the first party in the house, but you guys, Nareesha needs sleep to be so preeeeeetty.

Siva and Jay confess they had a “vocal guest in the house” AKA Tori the brunette. I think they simulate female oral sex? They do a terrible job and I bet they’re crap in bed.

Wanted ep 1 13

The kitchen is a wreck. The shrimp on the floor makes me want to puke. Jay is drinking a beer in the morning and this is what he has to say about the messy pool:

Wanted ep 1 14

The boys singing new single “Walks Like Rihanna” in the studio. It is one of the worst songs I have ever heard in my life. It makes me long for The Saturdays song about their issues. Max “rocks” the vocals (this is what I am told) but Tom has some trouble, his voice is scratchy and he’s tired.

Wanted ep 1 15

Nano comes over to the mansion for a pep talk and my favorite moment in the episode happens, where Max has evil eyes & fake stabs him in the back:

Wanted ep 1 16

Jay calls Nano a “humorless buzzkill.” Nano tells them to buckle down since they’re playing the Palladium.

Wanted ep 1 17

They are not listening to him and mocking him. Then Max burps at the end of Nano’s speech because he’s pure class.

The guys go to a bar, the only one they can go to without being mobbed (hahaha, jk, no one cares about The Wanted), Rock & Reilly’s. [Fun fact: this bar’s website talks about “The Life of Reilly” which I guess refers to this but when I googled it to listen to this song, I found that The Life of Reilly is the film adaptation of a one-man play that Charles Nelson Reilly did! GOD BLESS THE INTERNET!]

Wanted ep 1 19

They sing a song about what a bummer Siva is and then I feel sorry for him.

Wanted ep 1 18

Poor Siva, no one likes him when he’s with Nareesha. Probably because she’s so pretty and everyone wants her.

Wanted ep 1 20

Called to Scooter’s AKA the biggest teenager ever’s office. Jay says he’s really good at his job and he knows what he’s doing. Scooters getting calls that the boys are fucking shit up. He told them they showed up drunk the Macy’s Day Parade. That is kind of amazing.

Tom says that Scooter’s speech set a fire under them.  REALLY? That doucheface who manages JUSTIN BIEBER set you straight?

Wanted ep 1 21

At the Palladium, max says they need an inspirational speech from Nano. Here is what he says:

Wanted ep 1 22

I think he’s overtaking Kelsey as my favorite non-Jay person on this show.

Wanted ep 1 23

Tons of screaming girls fill the club. Sponsored by a radio station, announced by annoying DJs. The other people playing this show included Calvin Harris, Trey Songsz and Zedd (??).  According to that link, the show took place in April. I am sure you will find that this does not fit the timeline of the show, somehow.

They sang “Glad You Came” with some god awful bouncing around on stage. I wish they tried a little harder to learn to move not like doofuses. The Sats had so many dance rehearsals.

The girls talk backstage about all the rude signs they see at shows. Nareesha is particularly concerned with the ones say things about “vajayjays” but Kelsey is dirtier:

Wanted ep 1 24

We go shopping again, this time with Nareesha and Siva. She says he’s like a Ken doll. Nareesha is a shoe designer in the UK but she’s put it on hold to move to LA with her man.

Wanted ep 1 25

The boys go to Rock & Reilly’s AGAIN and Max meets the lady of his dreams.

Wanted ep 1 26

Max and Jay hit on a redheaded at the bar and after drinking with them, she kind of blows them off.

Wanted ep 1 27

What, the cameras and promise of being on E! don’t turn you on?

Nathan goes in to sing in the studio & finish a song he wrote but his voice is really fucked up. Nano thinks he should see a doctor. AND THEN IT ENDS. Finally.

This season, on The Wanted Life: lots of crazy stuff happens that I can’t keep up with, including something that looks like St. Patrick’s Day (I TOLD you the Palladium show was out of order).

Barring any (school-related) setbacks, I will bring you recaps of this show every Tuesday! I can’t wait; these shows are truly fun to recap.

One Comment

  1. Fun Fact 1: Nathan has definitely been on dates. His girlfriend at the time, Dionne Bromfield (who appears to only claim fame as Amy Winehouse’s goddaughter) was even rumored to have been at that party. In an interview earlier this Spring she basically states they broke up because he refused to publicly acknowledge their relationship as more than friends, as it appears in the first episode.

    Fun Fact 2: That party, I think, was 3-4 weeks after they moved in. Around that time Max tweeted something about drunkenly telling a girl her name spelt backwards was “I Rot”. What a line.

    Oh, you E! producers. You think you can trick Internet stalkers with your silly editing tricks.

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