Smart ladies love dumb TV, The X Factor UK live episode 5


It’s like Sam Callahan is an unstoppable force of comet-like hotness. That’s the only thing that can explain why he still remains on X Factor UK and Hannah is continually in the bottom three. I think there are a few other things going on here–show placement, intro package, racism, age of voters–but the results of this show continue to baffle people over 25.

The reason Abi went home

She went first in the “death slot” and she had the most boring, unmemorable intro ever, about her dad, who is also a big band singer.

X Factor 05 Abi 01Nicole and Abi watched last week’s performance.

X Factor 05 Abi 02A cute pic of Abi and her dad!

X Factor 05 Abi 03

Then she and her dad at at this diner. AND THAT IS ALL THAT HAPPENED.

Hire this intern full time!

I was interested in Sam Callahan’s performance for the first time ever:

X Factor 05 Sam Callahan 05

X Factor 05 Sam Callahan 06

X Factor 05 Sam Callahan 07

X Factor 05 Sam Callahan 0203

X Factor 05 Sam Callahan 08

These graphics moved, too. Great job, kid!! Keep watching the title sequence to Catch Me if You Can.

I think maybe this person was also responsible for this image during the Rough Copy intro:

X Factor 05 Rough Copy 04

Twitter brings people together!

It is how Michael Bolton started contacting Sam to ask her to sing with him.

X Factor 05 Sam Bailey 01

She FREAKED OUT when he showed up.

X Factor 05 Sam Bailey 02

X Factor 05 Sam Bailey 04

Somehow she gained enough composure to chat with him.

X Factor 05 Sam Bailey 03

Then he gave her singing tips. The whole thing was freaking adorable.

Tamera’s mom is the same age as Nicole

No, really! Of course this would also make her my age. I want to crawl into a hole with my cat and die.

X Factor 05 Tamera 01

And Tamera looks 25. None of this is right.

X Factor 05 Tamera 02

The return of the fruit

X Factor 05 Rough Copy 01

No one threw it, though.

Instead, Gary took the boys go-kart racing!

X Factor 05 Rough Copy 03

Vroom! Vroom!

X Factor 05 Rough Copy 02

Gary said he lost on purpose.

X Factor 05 Rough Copy 05

Then everyone bonded and Gary looked hot in this car racing outfit. RAWR.

You know what else returned? Rough Copy’s weird pants.

X Factor 05 Rough Copy 06

X Factor 05 Rough Copy 07

I just can’t anymore.

Big band night produces odd song choices

X Factor 05 Nicholas McDonald 04

Nicky did “Dream a Little Dream.”

X Factor 05 Luke Friend 04

Luke did “Moondance” and he was above the beat the entire time. I could barely watch it. I knew I was right when Gary offered this exact criticism. I felt really smart.

Either one of them would have been better off with “Mack the Knife,” one of my favorite songs of all time, which is not done enough on these shows.

And some other stuff happened

X Factor 05 Nicoles mom

Nicole’s mom came! Isn’t she lovely? <3

X Factor 05 Sam Callahan 02

Sam had some Busby Berkeley shit going on, which sadly did not save his vocal performance. I read something on tumblr that the show is making him fail on purpose because he is actually a great singer. I cannot confirm or deny this.

X Factor 05 Nicholas McDonald 01

Nicky was a cute fucking kid.

X Factor 05 Judges 01

Mrs. O wore the dress Julia Roberts won her Oscar in (ok not really but it’s close)

X Factor 05 Announcer Guy

I don’t remember ever seeing the announcer before! It was exciting!

X Factor 05 Dermot 02

Dermot danced again! Sexxxxxyyyyy.

Nicole flower 1

Nicole flower 2

And, as usual, Nicole looked really really pretty.

Favorite Performance

I’m calling the final three: Sam Bailey, Luke Friend and Rough Copy. RC’s “Hit the Road Jack,” while not necessarily a big band song, was really fun and energetic and the harmonies were on point.

All screencaps by me. Gifs from nicolescherzinger.

Leave a Reply