Smart ladies love dumb TV, True Blood recap, May Be the Last Time

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Previously on True Blood, we found out Sarah Newlin was the cure to Hep-V, Sookie gave Bill Hep-V, and Violet lured Wade and Adilyn away from Bon Temps because Jason cheated on her.

This week in Beyoncé

It finally happened! Our queen performed “Drunk in Love.” This week she switched between two body-clinging  one-piece bodysuits. While we already kind of saw this performance at the Grammys, with Bey and Jay’s reported troubles, this song that is basically about fucking because you’re in love took on new meaning. I even teared up at the end when she and Jay hugged. The whole thing was perfect and sexy and what we all needed.

This week in Bon Temps

  • Eric, Pam, and Mr. Gus interrogate Amber. She lets the gang know Sarah is the antidote AND now Nuumi BUT Eric get’s pissed off and kills her. Eric is sometimes too impetuous. Pam and Mr. Gus are pretty pissed seeing as Sarah could cure Eric and make Mr.Gus  a ton of money.

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  • Andy and Holly find Adilyn’s cellphone but no Adilyn. Andy calls Jessica to see if she has felt Adilyn in danger. He and Holly go to Oklahoma to her ex-husbands lake-house.
  • Violet takes the kids to her mansion. Violet tells them that when she as young she too fucked her brother AND then leads them into her sex-room –Violet is the worst. It kills me that this show killed off Tara and Alcide and we are stuck with Lettie Mae and Violet.
  • Sookie, Jessica and Bill mope at his house.
  • Arlene is visited by her hot vampire Keith. They start making out and I am super happy that Arlene is getting some –GO ARLENE! Too bad it was a DREAM –whomp whomp!!!
  • Pam is mad at Eric for killing Amber but Eric is non-moved he has decided to kill Sarah and that is what he is going to do (Eric sometimes needs to get over it and move on). In comes Mr. Gus who offers Eric 49% of his NEW product NuBlood (TruBlood with Sarah’s synthesized antidote blood) if he helps them find Sarah AND becomes the companies spokesperson because he is one “handsome devil.” Eric agrees because he can move on if he is offered 49% of 3.2 billion dollars.

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  • Bill flashback to the first time he met his wife –BORING.
  • Hoyt is back in town with his NEW blond girlfriend. Arlene calls Jason who is cleaning in his boxers –a half-naked Jason Stackhouse is the best kind of Jason Stackhouse.
  • Adilyn and Wade try to experiment with Violet’s sex-toys but realize they’re more of a vanilla kind of couple.
  • Jason keeps making eyes at Hoyt’s new girlfriend OR maybe she is making eyes at him either way it’s uncomfortable.
  • Sookie calls Dr. Ludwig “supernatural physician” who examines Bill and gets super creeped out when Sookie tells her she is related to Niall.

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  • More Bill flashbacks –YAWN.
  • Jason comforts Hoyt even though Hoyt doesn’t remember him.
Hoyt's new girlfriend was weird.

Hoyt’s new girlfriend was weird.

  • Sookie goes to the cemetery to call on grandpa Niall –I love me some Rutger Hauer. He tells Sookie he will try to save Bill even though he doesn’t feel Bill is a good match for her.
  • Sarah goes to the old Fellowship of the Sun campground, where she has a vision of Jason who tells her she is going to die.
  • Sam whines to Arlene about being forced to leave Bon Temps for his girlfriend and daughter –SAM LEAVE BON TEMPS YOU NUTCASE.
  • Andy and Holly don’t find the kids in Oklahoma and poor Andy has a bit of a breakdown.
  • Niall  has Sookie channel natures great history or something like that, basically poor Sookie and Niall have to go through a Bill flashback. He then tells Sookie that he can’t save Bill with his magic. Sookie is kind of an asshole about the whole thing but she is grieving so I’ll forgive her for being assy to Rutger Hauer.
  • Lettie Mae and Lala are digging up a strangers yard –this all we see of LALA, TRAVESTY!
  • Arlene gets drunk and Keith comes to the bar because he feels her pain (I HOPE THIS ISN’T A DREAM). They dance. Arlene tells him they can’t have sex because she is now Hep-V positive but he tells her he is cool with just dancing.

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  • Violet wakes up the love birds and then she attacks them. Jessica rises and feels Adilyn’s terror.
  • Eric, Pam, and Mr. Gus go after Sarah Newlin.
  • Sookie goes over and has sex with Bill, which is even more boring then when we flashback to Bill pre-Civil War.
For the Sookie and Bill fans out there.

For the Sookie and Bill fans out there.

  • Sarah has more visions of ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands –LOVE YOU STEVE NEWLIN!!! Eric and Pam have the best costumes this season. Tonight she is dressed in hot pink and reminds me of Brittany Spears and he looks like the sixth member of either the Backstreet Boys or NSync.

The Good

Sarah Newlin going mad is pretty great. ALSO I missed Steve Newlin.

The Bad

Ummm everything that wasn’t Eric, Pam, or Sarah related. NO LALA except the 30 seconds he was digging in some persons yard.

An episode without Lala dancing sucks.

Any episode without Lala dancing sucks.

The WTF???

Um Steve Newlin and the guru trying to convince Sarah to die a Christian or a Buddhist was funny.

Steve Newlin dancing

Always hilarious!

Next week kids shit happens but let’s hope Pam and Eric survive it all.

Stills from HBO and Gifs from gifthetvswedishfishrulefudginaimhereforsookie, and  vampire-blondie.

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