Smart ladies love dumb TV, True Blood recap, Almost Home

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Previously on True Blood, Eric and Pam decided to join Mr. Gus Jr. in his quest to find Sarah Newlin to extract her blood and make billions saving vampires from the Hep-V virus. Back in Bon Temps, Bill and Sookie hooked up.

This week in Bon Temps…

  • Sarah has completely lost her shit (thank god) and submits herself to Eric and the extras from Tokyo Drift (by far the weirdest Fast & the Furious and that is say something in the Fast & the Furious 6 they took down a plane with cars) by claiming that her death will only make her the messiah –OH SARAH YOU COMPLETE ME! Pam realizes that Eric is going to kill Sarah so she threatens to kill herself to make him stick to the deal he made with Mr. Gus Jr.  Eric realizes that Pam is not bullshitting so he drinks from Sarah and lets her go –DOUBLE GOOD NEWS a healed Eric and Sarah LIVES!

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  • Bill and Sookie hang out in the light of Bill’s fireplace and talk about the past –I pay very little attention because I find them boring (sorry).
  • The family of the yard Lettie Mae and Lala are tearing up calls the good Reverend who is begged by Lettie Mae into taking V with them so that they can prove Tara is reaching out from beyond the grave –he sees Tara TOO! The family looks completely baffled as to why these nutcases are invading their house and yard. Turns out Tara’s dad was more of  an asshole than her mother –poor sad Tara.
  • Hoyt, Jason, and Hoyt’s creepy girlfriend go through Hoyt’s mothers stuff. Hoyt then gets into a fight with his girlfriend, while Jason gets creepy “hostage photo” texts from Violet. Bridget (Hoyt’s creepy girlfriend) demands on coming with him as he goes to Violet’s in Monroe.
  • Mr. Gus Jr. let’s Pam and Eric know that they won’t be curing Hep-V just making those suffering better enough to continue to buy it (capitalist bastards). He makes them swear to secrecy but me-thinks once they find out about Bill they will  be saving all the vampires they can (or just Bill).
  • Jason is immediately caught by Violet, thankfully he called Andy and Holly on the way to let them know that everyone was at Violet’s. Violet’s house is so much nicer than Jason’s why the hell didn’t they live there. Hoyt fucking saves the day by killing Violet but NOT after she brandishes her medieval torture devices and tells each person how she is going to kill them and which order they will die –Violet was the worst but I appreciated her killing people outfit.

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  • When Tara was a kid she could have killed her dad but didn’t because she was a child, and instead buried the gun in the front yard. Then she basically apologizes to Lettie Mae for not being stronger (which is extremely fucked up and yet fitting for poor sad Tara) BUT what she really wants is for Lettie Mae to forgive herself and to let Tara go. I hope this means that next week Lala and James can get back to fucking and being cute.
  • Everyone is happy that Violet is dead. Jessica and Hoyt have a second meet cute. Jason flirts a little with Bridget. I don’t even know what to think about this whole story-line.
  • Eric shows up at Bill’s to see Sookie and to tell her he is healed but she who promptly tells him Bill is sick. Eric tells her he will try to help but she doesn’t believe him (as much as I love Eric I’m not 100% sure I would believe him either and he did seem kind of whishy-washy BUT he did tell her to trust him). Sookie goes running off into the night –nobody runs like Anna Paquin it’s all whispy and fairy-like.
  • Jessica and Jason have a heart-to-heart about their friendship.
  • In the morning Sookie drives up to Fangtasia in which she encounters the Yakuza and talks her way inside. Once in she finds Eric, Pam AND Mr. Gus Jr. chatting. Eric swears to Mr. Gus that Sookie is a fangbanger who can stay away. He pretends to glamour Sookie to save her from the Yakuza. She finds out from reading Mr. Gus Jr.’s mind that what she needs is in the basement.  I think Eric tries to tell her this by how he glamours her but I was more interested in why Sookie didn’t use her mind reading BEFORE Eric started glamouring her. It takes Sookie a drive down the road before going back to see whats in the basement –is it me or is the show making Sookie dumber than normal.

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  • Hoyt and Jason have a heart-to-heart about Jessica because Hoyt has a strong connection to her. Hoyt goes and gives Jessica a bag of his negative blood because he liked Vampire Bill and feels bad about what she going through.
  • Sookie uses the hidden entrance to Fangtasia to break into the basement in which she finds Sarah Newlin. Sarah tells her that together they will create Eden on Earth because she is awesomely crazy. Because Sookie hates fun she puts the gag back over Sarah’s mouth and then reads Sarah’s mind to find out Sarah is the cure. Instead of taking her to Bill she brings Bill to Fangtasia (I think to save Eric and Pam from any shit they might get into from a missing Sarah which is nice of her).
  • Bill has a creepy dream in which Sookie has a ghost baby –I think that’s what happened but I totally don’t pay any attention to Bill dreams or flashbacks, I promise next week I will try harder (I don’t believe me either).
  • Mr. Gus Jr. leaves for an impromptu trip to Dallas so Eric and a more than patient, yet still sassy Pam go to get some of Sarah’s blood to save Bill when Sookie shows up with Jessica and Bill. Eric gives Sarah to Bill but Bill refuses to die.

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The Good

Sarah Newlin thinking she is a messiah is the best thing ever.

The Bad

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Bill not wanting to LIVE only because I really HATE mopey Bill.

The WTF?

Ummm all of the ways Violet was going to kill her hostages were brutal, fucked-up, and also kind of hilarious. Hot iron dildo sounds like a terrible way to die.

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Next week Bill makes a case for not dying, Pam is chained down, AND Eric goes after Sookie (Pam and I both roll our eyes).

Stills from HBO and gifs from sxnsastvrkmarvelandwhimsyimhereforsookie,  and trubloodforever.