Previously on True Blood, Sookie, Jason, Ben and Niall waited for Warlow but got Nora instead (cut Nora show you’re already bloated); Sarah Newlin has former husband Steve in a vampire torture facility (payback is a bitch); Eric, Pam, and Tara fought over what to do with Willow the Governor’s daughter (she wanted to get into Eric’s pants, clearly she is the only one using her brain); AND Bill the blood demon wants fairy blood so that vampires can fight humans in the sun. ALSO there was a whole bunch of misogyny that this show has seemed to mostly avoid for the five previous seasons (I try to block out all the terrible shit that has happened to Tara), so I’m hoping that was just a one-off thing.
- So apparently Ben is a vampire fairy. He gives Jason his blood, who then has weird sex dreams about the two of them which is hilarious.
- Niall chases after Nora and finds out about Lilith and Warlow and then lets her get caught by the anti-vampire police.
- Eric is a dick to Pam and Ginger is taken by the Governor.
- Bill and Jessica are confused by the fact that Andy’s girls are teens which is funny. Also good is that Jessica gets the girls to come with them by buying them Natty Light and Kool cigarettes and convincing them they should come to her house to party.
- Bill gets blood from one of the girls and does NOT hurt her. I’m so thankful that it isn’t CREEPY.
- Willa tells Eric she is willing to do anything to help him. So he decides to turn her into a vampire.
- With the help of Lafayette, Sam, Emma and Nicole escape. Nicole is rightfully upset that all her friends are dead. Sam tells Lafayette to go back to Bon Temps and turns into a horse to aid in he and Emma’s escape.
- When Jason miraculously recovers from his head wound and starts doing pull ups on door frames, Sookie begins to suspect Ben is a vampire/fairy so she invites him to dinner.
- Jason tells Niall about his dream and Niall puts it together that Ben is a vampire/fairy and thinks he is Warlow. Jason and Niall go after him, Ben hits Niall with a fairy blast, glamours Jason into forgetting this happened and to say goodbye to Niall, and then proceeds to drain Niall but spits out the blood. Also Ben has a British accent. The fuck?
- Sookie buys silver collide to put in her meal I guess to stun Ben. She also puts on some lingerie.
- Eric sends Willa back to her father. She is pretty pissed off that they will not be fucking (I’d be pissed off too). He tells her to tell her father that all vampires were human and that they are not to be hunted.
- Pam and Tara get into a fight about Tara not being at war with humans and then Pam is taken by the anti-vampire police.
- Sarah Newlin is screwing the Governor. Willa tries to reason with her father but when she smells his blood she tries to feed off him but Sarah shots her and tells the Governor they need to send Willa to Camp Truman AKA the vampire torture warehouse.
- Ben is definitely Warlow. He spares Niall’s life but sends him into a hell dimension (?).
- Less than two days since his girlfriend Luna died Sam makes out with Nicole. MEN!
- Andy’s girls want to go home. When they try to get out of the house, Jessica starts to feed off one of them. She attacks all four then freaks out on Bill, begging him to tell her they aren’t dead. At the same time Jason informs Andy that fairies are catnip to vampires. Andy figures out that Bill sniffed them out.
- Sookie seduces Warlow, the episode ends with him finding out she knows who he is.
So much half naked Jason and Eric –I’m not gonna lie as long as they are on the show I will watch.
Niall comforting Jason about his weird dream about Ben, “well that Ben is a handsome fella.” HILARIOUS.
Tough Sookie is such a pleasure. For the most part, I like Anna Paquin and enjoyed her in season 1 and 2 so I’m glad she is going back to being the protagonist instead of just of a damsel in distress.
The INSANELY CRAY CRAY
Ben is a WHAT?!? I told you last week he was hiding something or a lousy actor ( you never know with this show).
Jessica possibly killing Andy’s girls. I had high hopes that Bill wasn’t going to hurt those girls but instead they are hurt by Jessica. At least it wasn’t creepy.