Smart ladies love dumb TV, True Blood recap, I Found You

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God I love True Blood Sims!

God I love True Blood Sims!

Previously on True Blood, Pam the best thing about the show was starving in Marakesh, the Bon Temps crew were their normal bumbling idiotic selves (seriously nobody thinks to look in Fangtasia’s; the basement has a dungeon for fucksake –THINK BILL, use that noggin), and Tara died (it happened off-screen so it wasn’t that sad –poor Tara).

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Beyonce: X10 Concert Performance

“Haunted”

The fun begins with backdrop of Bey, and there dancers are on stage alone. The song includes the weird beginning—a dark dance beat with break down. It’s definitely representative of Beyonce’s ever-evolving artistry but I was kind of shocked to see it on HBO.

Finally, Bey shows up, wearing a black long sleeved sparkly mermaid dress with wind in her hair. She’s almost making “Haunted”  into a torch song. Oh wait, there’s some dancers in lace netting. No, this performance is still fucking creepy!

The video changes, and we get some effects, like layered video. I’m kind of annoyed–I wish this felt more like we were seeing a Bey concert, but I guess they have to do something different to get fans to tune into True Blood five minutes early.

This all ends with Bey SPINNING ON A PLATFORM. It is magical.

I am really looking forward to these mini concerts every week—I hope she wears a different outfit for every song. I am very selfish that way.

This week in Bon Temps:

  • This week we start with the long-awaited Jason and Eric erotic sex dream. Nobody on this show does camp sexy times better than these two plus they are smoking hot.  This whole scene made me giggle it was kind of worth the wait (I wish it had been in last weeks super boring episode).

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  • Sookie finally cares about the dead girl she found in the woods. I love how nobody bats an eye, like dead girls in the woods are common in Bon Temps–oh wait dead girls are common in Bon Temps. Poor Tara should have stayed away when she had the chance at the beginning of season four.
  • The vamps at Fangtasia are super boring and are fighting amongst each other. Arlene recognizes one of the zombie vamps as one of her kids teachers. Arlene gives an awesome speech on survival that only Carrie Preston could deliver. Imagine Scarlet’s “as God is my witness…” speech at the end of part one of Gone With the Wind but only more fucked up as she is chained to a pole in the bottom of a vampire bar in Shreveport, Louisiana. The next time she comes down for food (AKA one of the prisoners) the ladies talk her into helping them escape.

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  • I would rather have Tara than stupid Lettie Mae begging Lafayette to summon Tara or give her vampire blood, Lettie Mae is kind of fucked up. Lafayette, however, is priceless.
  • The Bon Temps vigilantes need to fucking die they are such assholes and totally rile up the entire town to become a giant mob of pitch fork wielding psychopaths. Adalyn and one of Holly’s boys go to try to stop them from getting more weapons, finally something for Adalyn to do that’s useful. She goes to the sheriff’s office to inform Kenya. The trio are accosted by the mob who talk Kenya on to their side. Jessica wakes up, but as it is the middle of the afternoon, she can’t go save Adalyn. She calls Sookie, who doesn’t answer her phone because she threw it into the pond.
  • Andy, Jason, Sam, Sookie, and Alcide go to the town the dead girl is from and find it completely vacant. There was a six month time jump and during that time the zombie apocalypse happened but as with all things True Blood it’s taking its sweet time catching up to Bon Temps and the only thing they could come up with was the one-for-one  vampire human blood exchange –despite my hate for the vigilantes I understand why they are super pissed. They find an entire pit full of dead townspeople.
  • Sookie finds the dead girl’s diary and it is eerily reminiscent of her time with Bill. It does remind Sookie that Fangtasia exists. It’s sad that Sookie has to read a fucking diary to remember the vampire bar with a dungeon. Oh wait it reminded her of Bill, not Fangtasia and its dungeon.
  • That nutcase Lettie Mae burned her hand on a skillet so that Willa will give her blood. Willa who apparently has never dealt with an addict gives her blood. Lettie Mae gets high and sees Tara with a snake on a cross.

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See Lafayette knows how to deal with an addict.

  • Alcide finally tells Sookie it isn’t her fault about the town. I’m glad that someone on this show has logic.
  • Betty turns into a bag of goo on Arlene before she can save our girls in the dungeon.
  • Andy and Jessica form an alliance to save Adalyn.
  • Sookie tells Alcide to shower so that she can go have a heart-to-heart with Bill. She asks Bill if he can still sense if she is in danger. –Oh god I hope they are going to Fangtasia.
  • PAM!!! Oh thank god. Pam’s in France she finds Eric but he is sick with Hep-V but at least he is there with two almost naked ladies.

The Good

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The Eric and Jason opening was hilarious. I don’t praise Ryan Kwanten enough, but I heart him. This weekend alone I watched both The Right Kind of Wrong (free on Netflix) and The Knights of Badassadom (rented off Amazon) both were good but I would wait to watch The Knights of Badassdom when it’s free. ALSO only one tiny scene with Bill!

The Bad

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The bad is that it’s now been confirmed that Eric is indeed sick with Hep-V. I was really hoping the photo stalkers on the Tumblr were wrong. There was only 30 seconds to a minute of Pam and the vigilantes are the worst. BUT I was at least more engrossed in this episode, I think that has a lot to do with the four episodes of Hemlock Grove I watched before it. ALSO ASkars has his weird bangs from The Giver. [Why don’t the writers realize Pam is the best? Also now I am forced to look up Hep-V and vampires, thanks Katie. -M]

The WTF

Betty sucking Arlene’s femoral artery and then turning into goo on top of her was pretty fucking gross and made me sad the ladies would not be escaping.

Next week it looks like the vigilantes kill or harm Sam (eyeroll), Sookie might think the vamps are at Fangtasia, and Holly uses her magic to save the captives in the dungeon of doom.

BONUS The Leftovers review!

The Leftovers is extremely well acted but it’s also really depressing. The show takes place three years after 2% of the planet disappeared at the same time and therefore everyone left are depressed and fucked up. Amy Brenneman joined a cult for fucksake that wears white and smokes (if 2% of the planet disappears I’m totally picking up smoking again) all the time, she is also assigned to stalk Liv Tyler. Her husband is played by Justin Theroux, who always plays people who look like they could beat someone up at any moment so he is great here as the sheriff who is about to explode or cry. Christopher Eccleston, another actor great at being frazzled and over the edge, is a pastor who is convinced that this was NOT the rapture. The Leftovers is original, incredibly compelling, and I am completely hooked. It’s without a doubt the summer series I was hoping for (I was spoiled last year with Orphan Black and Vikings) and that Halt and Catch Fire, Tyrant, and that rom-com cancer show on ABC Family are not. [UGH now I have to watch this. I hope I don’t get too depressed. I should save a few episodes of The Kroll Show to watch afterwards. -M]

 Gifs from imwithkanye, truebloodsims, and imhereforsookie. Stills from HBO. 

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