Smart ladies love dumb TV, True Blood recap, Love is to Die

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Be prepared for the onslaught of Pam gifs because I only love Pam, Pam is my queen. [Pam is ALSO my queen! -M]

Previously on True Blood, Eric was cured and Bill refused to live.

This week in Beyoncé

Beyonce Partition 2

Both via.

Both via.

Because she did a song about fucking in a limo (“Partition”), the performance was full of writhing and sexing with something that looked like a car seat. It was weird and uncomfortable. I would rather just watch her put her vagina on Jay-Z’s face than this dentist’s chair. Bey also showed us her O Face:

This week in Bon Temps

  • Jessica and Sookie plead with Bill but he sticks to his guns about facing the true death. Jessica demands Bill release her from being his progeny. It would be moving if I weren’t so fucking done with this show for which I apologize, as a recapper I should care as to why I am doing this and honestly right now I feel it’s just because it’s almost over and I am committed to seeing it through till the end. The best bit is that Eric comforts Sookie and Pam comforts Jessica BUT also tells her that if she ruins her jacket she will have to pay for it (I am not over Pam & I will never be over Pam).

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  • Jessica and Sookie end up at Sam’s trailer but find it empty (thank god Sam wised up and left with Nicole). He wrote Sookie a goodbye letter. I think we are supposed to feel bad that Sookie is being left by all of her men.
  • Arlene has decided to open up the bar and party until customers show up. I love Arlene. Sam apparently left Andy a letter too, his resignation.
  • James apologizes to Jessica. Jessica also apologizes to James. James admits he and Lala will be happy. I wish that we got to see them happy for that is a show I would rather watch.
  • Hoyt and his girlfriend get into a fight about Hoyt NOT wanting children and his pull towards Jessica. I find this a giant waste of time, time that could be spent with Pam. MORE PAM! Jessica shows up. Bridget makes him choose between her and Jessica. Hoyt chooses Jessica. I guess with the addition of Jessica this is more interesting but I still wish I was just watching Pam. I want all Pam all the time. Hoyt and Jessica hug. Jason gets a call from Bridget and goes to Hoyt’s. [UGH. This is why you need to be up front with your partner about wanting/not wanting kids. He will leave you for a vampire he sees in her underwear. -M]

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  • Sookie is moping at Arlene’s reopening party. After a talk with Arlene she joins the party. Why isn’t this more of Arlene and Lala drunk dancing.
  • Eric goes to talk to Bill on Sookie’s behalf. Bill wants to die to set her free because he has done terrible things to her yet she always comes back. He asks Eric to talk to her to convince her to hear Bill out. Dear Sookie, stop dating people who are 150 to 1000 years older than you because they treat you like a child who doesn’t know any better.
  • Jason gets to Hoyt’s and Hoyt knocks him out. I guess Jessica finally got to the part in her love story with Hoyt about the time she cheated on him with Jason.  Bridget takes Jason home but he tells her that they will NOT be having sex.
  • The Yakuza bring Sarah upstairs for Pam to dye her hair back to blonde–for reals. DON’T WASTE PAM, SHOW. Also I want to watch Pam and Sarah braid each others’ hair.
  • Jason shows off his telephone flirting skills for Bridget –AGAIN, I WANT MORE PAM.

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  • AND we get more Jessica and Hoyt deciding to get back together. This show is terrible to the people who have stuck with it for seven years. I would rather spend time with Sookie then Jessica and Hoyt. It’s the penultimate episode of the entire fucking series and we are just treading water with tertiary characters.
  • PAM calls Sarah twat-lips and it’s awesome. Pam reminisces about her time as the madame of a whorehouse. She tells Sarah that they are going to sell her to rich sick vampires which will make her the highest paid whore in history. Pam makes this sound awesome because it’s Pam and she is the best.
  • More Jason and Bridget…SNOOZE….MORE PAM NOW…
  • Eric talks to Sookie about Bill. Eric convinces her to talk to Bill and then flies her home.
  • And we are back to Jason and Bridget –REALLY?

Pam Swynford De Beaufort

  • Eric drops Sookie at home and he tells her goodbye –SHE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU, SASSY VIKING. [Sookie and the reanimated corpse of Joey Man should run away together. -M]
  • GINGER! Eric offers himself to Ginger. She tells him she wants to fuck him on the throne–it might be all of the crap we have slogged through to this point, but this makes me laugh hysterically. Ginger is so fucking enthused it’s great –it doesn’t make up for all of the boring shit this episode but it reminds me why I have watched seven seasons of this show especially when Ginger falls to the floor after 30 seconds of possible fucking, I’m not sure if actual penetration happens before Ginger collapses on the floor.
  • Eric finds Pam chained up in the dungeon. Mr. Gus Jr. is really angry about Sookie knowing about Sarah (I guess Sarah told when Pam was dyeing her hair. The show really dropped the editing ball on this just so it’s a “dramatic surprise” for Eric to find Pam in chains.). It looks like Eric might have to choose between Pam or Sookie. Nothing bad better happen to Pam, but I really do not like the idea of making Eric choose because that is lazy writing (HAHAHAHAHAHA TRUE BLOOD LAZY WRITING).
  • We end with Bill at Sookie’s door.

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The Good…

Ginger finally getting what she wants the most.

The Bad…

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So much time spent with Jessica, Jason, and Hoyt and not enough time spent with Arlene, Lala, Eric, Pam or even Sookie –that’s right I would have rather dealt with Bill and Sookie then all of the boring stuff about Jason and Jessica which I mostly ignored.

The WTF?

Ginger again was fabulous. Also if they harm Pam I will be super pissed–Pam must survive next Sunday.

Next week is the end –thank god.

Gifs from vampiresarechildrenofthenight and gifthetv.

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