Previously on True Blood, Pam was in grave peril and I have forgotten the rest –DON’T DIE PAM!!!
This week with in Beyoncé
I did not see the X10 performance because I was watching the VMAs. But Bey received the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard award and did a medley of all her songs from the self-titled record! Jay-Z and Blue Ivy were there–die, divorce rumors, die!–and he called her “the greatest entertainer in the world!” TEARS!!!
Here were my other two favorite moments:
This week in Bon Temps…
- Bill awkwardly starts his conversation with Sookie, she is NOT having it. He does explain to her that this disease has made him more human and that he belongs in his grave next to his wife. He also tells her he wants her to have a full life with children. Bill loves Sookie too much to live –SERIOUSLY. Bill asks Sookie to kill him with her big ball of fairy light because then she will no longer be a fairy and therefore FREE of evil vampire LOVE. He wants to give her a normal life. She throws him out but does admit she is thinking about it –DRAMATIC.
- The extras from Fast & the Furious are on their way to kill Sookie.
- Eric and Pam kill Mr. Gus by setting him on fire and then kill the Yakuza at Sookie’s. They also steal the souped up cars. So that is the end of the action portion of this finale.
- Pam finds Sarah eating garbage at an abandoned carnival. Sarah asks Pam to turn her into a vampire –DO IT PAM! Pam refuses but I seriously feel like she should consider it. Sarah also wants to be a lesbian with Pam. Pam and Sarah would be amazing together –of course Pam is stubborn and refuses. DAMMIT PAM.
- BILL BROODING. I’m fairly sure he will brood this entire episode until he dies. Prediction Sookie blasts him with her ball of light and she turns him human (this would have been a MUCH better ending, Alan Ball should have hired me instead of Brian Buckner). I wish I was watching the VMA’s. [No you don’t. -M]
- Bill makes Hoyt basically propose to Jessica –WTF? Jessica wants to marry Hoyt right now so Bill can be there.
- Sookie reminisces about Tara and Gran telling her she can one day find love and have a family. She can persevere over anything –like turning Bill human (again this would have been a much better ending).
- Sookie goes over and hangs out with Jason and Bridget. This series finale is worse than HIMYM’s. Sookie basically tells Jason of her troubles but does NOT want his advice because he is Jason and kind of an idiot. Hoyt calls Jason and asks him to be his best man –WTF? Jessica calls Sookie to ask for a wedding dress.
- Everyone arrives at Bill’s for the wedding AND by everyone I mean Andy, Holly, and Arlene.
- Bill and Andy have a heart-to-heart. Andy is Bill’s oldest living heir. Andy agrees to let Jessica and Hoyt live in Bill’s house after he dies since Andy will inherit it.
- Jason and Hoyt are very cute. Hoyt talks to Jason about Regarding Henry because Hoyt feels just like Henry. Jason tells Hoyt that this has been a weird fucking week which makes me ask the question, “Did Alcide die a week ago and Sookie is already fucking Bill?”
- WEDDING! What the fuck am I watching? Jessica makes a very pretty bride –I don’t give one shit about this whole thing. I’m sure I should feel bad about Bill dying but man am I done with this show. This is the most boring finale EVER. Sookie can hear Bill’s thoughts because he is turning HUMAN.
- Sookie tells Jason that Bridget is sweet on him. Sookie tells him she approves of a relationship between Bridget and Jason. [We all approve of this if it means Jason will stop mooning over Hoyt. -M]
- Sookie goes and has a heart-to-heart with Reverend Daniels. Where are Pam and Eric?
- Bill gets a call from Sookie she will kill him at sundown at the cemetery –FUN?
- Sookie had them dig up Bill’s grave so he can be buried in it. That is kind of touching apparently I did pay attention to the Bill flashbacks this season –SHOCKING. Inside his grave Bill finds the photograph of him and his daughter before the war –that was a flashback, man I paid attention.
- Sookie can’t kill Bill by giving up her light but she does stake him. I actually feel bad for Sookie –good job Anna Paquin. If this has been a week then poor Sookie has lost two boyfriends in seven days. The show fades to black with Sookie walking away BUT…
- We then get to watch Pam and Eric filming an infomercial for New Blood–it’s fucking fantastic.
- Bon Temps several years later at Thanksgiving and Sookie is pregnant.
- Fangtasia is still in full swing with Sarah locked up in the basement still having visions of Steve Newlin –this is a sad waste of Anna Camp.
- Willa is at Thanksgiving and Sookie’s husband has a beard –and with that, folks, this show is dunzo.
This show is over.
True Blood ended on a whimper instead of a roar. ALSO WHERE THE FUCK WAS LAFAYETTE???
Pam you turn Sarah Newlin into a vampire right fucking NOW!
Next week I will go back to doing Movie Trailer Monday –YAY!