Previously on True Blood, Bill can do a bunch of stuff like make earthquakes AND not DIE, he also asked Jess to move back in to act as his conscience (she did so because why trust Sookie when you can trust a blood demon –it’s nice that people are still making terrible choices on this show). Eric gave Sookie her house back but was a complete prat to Pam (BAD ERIC). And everyone else was SNOOZEVILLE!
- Rutger Hauer tells Jason he was dumb for blithering to a stranger after he informs him he is his “fairy fucking grandfather.” It’s like he was me voicing my concerns from last week.
- Eric yells at everyone. I hate to agree with Nora, but he has become a fucking asshole.
- SOOKIE USED HER POWER! And she found a hot fairy. I like Anna Paquin so much better when she isn’t having to deal with Bill (he is my least favorite).
- Lafayette is babysitting Emma. This is the best thing in this show. The. Best. Fucking. Thing. In fact I want this to be this show all the time. Just Lala and children! PRECIOUS!
- Jurnee Smollett is a civil rights radical activist who wants Sam to come out as a shifter so that she can start a supernatural movement. She is TOO good for this show.
- Bill is in a trance talking to Lilith, who is thankfully dressed, it is boring but they are not gods, there is only one god. He then breaks a woman and drinks her blood.
- Eric impersonates a bureaucrat from the LA wildlife and fisheries (a much smaller and nerdier man, the cuffs of his member’s only jacket are HILARIOUS) to get in to visit the Governor. He finds out the humans have lots of defenses against vampires and that Vampires no longer have any rights in LA. He is captured but flies away and then glamours the Gov’s daughter once she takes out her contacts into to letting him in.
- Alcide and company, beat up Lala and Sam and take Emma. I want to start a “Free Joe Manganiello” from bad story lines. Jurnee Smollett photographs the whole thing (I’m sorry but I have forgotten her name).
- Rutger Hauer tells the Stackhouses they are fairy royalty and shows Sookie how to turn her light into a vampire killing atom bomb. FUCK YEAH!
- Jessica prays for everyone because this show likes to waste Deborah Ann Wahl the most. Bless this show and its insane writers.
Warlow looks like he might be in ZZ Top. FUN! I hope instead of being evil he just wants Sookie to join his all supre rockband!
Rutger Hauer saying “fucking fairy grandfather” was HILARIOUS. Also fun was he and Jason together, especially when Jason calls him Grandpa. Did I mention that his suit is like the one the Colonel from Kentucky Fried Chicken wears and that he wears long underwear. ADORBS!
Arlene yelling at Sookie for never coming to work (it’s like all of the people I like are voicing what I think week after week with this show).
Sookie is back to fake swearing, I missed season 1 Sookie.
Skarsgard makes the most out of the hilarious outfit and speech about whooping cranes. It reminded me how even when Eric is a dick he is still the best thing on this show.
The INSANELY CRAY CRAY
Bill can feel all the vampires getting tortured by humans. WTF?!?
The naked Lilith models, doing the model walk leading Bill to Lilith in his trance isn’t just cray it’s fucked up. Also the way he killed the woman was disgusting.
Alcide and company beating up LALA is NOT COOL! Not fucking cool!