Smart ladies love dumb TV, True Blood recap, You’re No Good

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Previously on True Blood, Eric played a nerd obsessed with whooping cranes to get close to the Governor, Sookie met her fucking fairy grandfather and another HANDSOME fairy, Emma was taken by Alcide and the wolf pack, and Bill can see the future in which everyone we love dies (kill Eric and I’m gone show, even when Askars is kind of a dick I still love him).


Yeah honey I would have a hard time not jumping him too.

This week:

  • Grandpa Niall wants to take the fight to Warlow instead of just waiting for him.
  • Willow (the Governor’s daughter) tells Eric about experiments being conducted by her father on vampires.
  • Steve Newlon is being held in the experimental facility.


  • Lafayette tells Sam that he is helping him to get Emma back because everyone needs help.
  • Even though Bill is a prophet he still can’t go out in the sun –whoomp whoomp.
  • Warlow killed all the fairies at the secret forest fairy bar. This is especially painful because the secret forest fairy bar was the type of cray I appreciate on this show.
  • Andy tries to win back Holly by taking her to a special place to teach her how to use a gun. I like Andy and Holly but I would prefer Arlene and Terry.

True Blood Episode 3

  • Willow tries to seduce Eric because, OF COURSE!
  • Niall runs into Ben (Sookie’s hot Fae new love interest). Either this dude is a lousy actor or his shiftiness is because he is working with Warlow. He just seems to pop up at the most interesting times in the woods by Sookie’s house. And nobody is ever like, “dude, why you always hanging out in the woods” he only found out about the secret forest fairy bar last week. (Melissa, there really was a secret forest fairy bar as I think you might think I am just making shit up to be funny. This is True Blood, it is writing about a secret forest fairy bar as a legitimate plot point and expressing sadness that it is over. The faeries danced and dressed up like carnies. It was magical now we just have killer werewolves and politics. I can’t believe I am saying this but I miss the fucking orgies in the woods.)
  • Jess dresses up as a schoolgirl to kidnap the inventor of synthetic blood (she is told by Bill to dress this way because he likes young girls, misogyny AND Asian stereotypes, man I miss Alan Ball).
  • Steve Newlon is being held by his former wife Sarah who has become and even bigger anti-vampire wing-nut –who cares Anna Camp is back. They threaten to torture him for information on Eric Northman.


  • Bill comes to Sookie’s to ask for her blood. He then scares her and tells her she is dead to him. He also hurts Jason.
  • Nicole and the do-gooders go to get the werewolves into their coalition of peace (I’m not sure what they are called), the only one to survive is Nicole. Sam get’s Emma but then because Nicole is his new love interest he takes Emma and goes after Nicole. The werewolves in True Blood are NOT murderers. Again this is the show of secret forest fairy bars, orgy loving maenids, and vampires who love their bars it is NOT murderous werewolves, who also kidnap KIDS.


  • Nora is stalking Sookie’s house looking for Warlow.
  • Since Bill sent Jess to get the blood guy and he wanted Sookie’s blood and then was very interested in Andy’s fairy daughters I’m guessing he is going to try and get the Vampires fairy blood so that they can go out in the day.

The Good

Sookie is FINALLY concerned for Jason’s health. Sookie you’re idiot brother got flung into a tree and nobody has taken him to see a doctor (incidentally he hit the tree last season –nobody cares about Jason). Jason tells Sookie that he was hallucinating and that’s why he was “more racist than usual.”

ANNA CAMP ANNA CAMP ANNA CAMP. Sarah Newlon is back and she is working for the Governor and is conducting experiments on vampires. I loved Season 2 when Jason was with the Fellowship of the Sun mainly because of Anna and  Michael McMillian who plays Steve Newlon.

Anna Camp in True Blood

Anna Camp in True Blood


Eric bringing Willow back to the bar and not say oh his house or someplace people wouldn’t follow them. So this is crazy AND dumb. He does bring her to Ginger’s and it is hilarious, the only part of the show I didn’t want to throw stuff at my TV.

Ginger from True Blood

Eric from True Blood

The Bad

The way Eric toyed with Willow before he was going to kill her set off my feminist spidey sense for misogyny THANKFULLY she saved herself by revealing the information she had but I expect more nuance from Eric and the writers when it comes to violence against women.

Bill’s accent is really TERRIBLE this episode. Every time he said Jess I cringed.


Eric and Pam fighting is NOT cool. Pam seems whiny (NOT COOL) and Eric seems like a prick (ALSO NOT COOL).

Everything with the wolf pack fucking sucks and is also misogynistic. I hate when shows make women bow to men, why couldn’t you make a man bow to Alcide. Why did it have to be Rickey, the girl he has fucked around with.

I’m hoping the the rampant misogyny and stereotyping is the reason the show got rid of Alan Ball’s replacement around this episode. In all of the years under Ball, I never cringed or groaned while watching this show and tonight I did repeatedly. I’m hoping now that we have a new show-runner things get better. Again, I expect better!!!

Pics from HBO (I had to screenshot them cause HBO’s promo department are EVIL) and the gifs are from because people on tumblr fucking rule!