Smart ladies love dumb TV, Wahlburgers recap, An American Wahlberg in London

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Another Wahlburgers episode, another dumb trip, this one brings Paul to London to visit Donnie, playing there with NKTOB.

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When New Kids first started performing, all family members were still there. The original name was Nynuk, which Alma says everyone hated (for real, it is terrible). Paul says they had black sweatshirts with Nynuk written on them and white pants.
They all thought New Kids would be famous–Alma thought everyone in Boston would know who they were, as that’s her idea of famous. Awwwww.

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Mark says some bullshit about family, his only appearance in the episode. YEAH WE KNOW family is everything. Say hi to your mother for me.

Donnie is shirtless a lot this episode.

Donnie is shirtless a lot this episode.

Donnie and Jenny in London hotel. Donnie says going on tour in a foreign country is difficult. Alma said he would always get homesick. Jenny tells him “it’s a beyooootiful day” in an awful English accent which I am certain I will sick of by the time this episode ends. He seems to pretend to be unhappy, he misses home cooking and being with his siblings.

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Jenny, who realizes her English accent couldn’t cheer him up (duh, it sucks), calls Paul to invite him to visit her homesick fiance. I’m shocked he didn’t hang up after her accent.

"Her accent is THE WORST." Ok I made that quote up.

“Her accent is THE WORST.” Ok I made that quote up.

“How am I going to get to London?” – Paul
“It’s cheap, get on a plane and come.” – Jenny, sensing what Paul’s REAL issue is (I’m sure the producers paid for his ticket)

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Paul is hesitant because of his schedule, but Alma is encouraging him to visit his brother and cook for him. He’s never been to London!

I'm going to make it after all!

I’m going to make it after all!

Paul ges out of the Tube at Piccadilly. He interviews that he loved seeing Big Ben and all the historical sights.

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Jenny picks him up in a fancy car, STILL pretending to be British. Paul, who is on the same wavelength with me always, asks her, “Are you going to be doing this the whole time?”

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Jenny asks for some dirt “brother dirt.” Paul says, did you ever hear someone call him cheese? Jenny: Because of his body odor? Asks for pictures and Paul admits he’s answering Jenny’s questions so she’ll stop asking in her bad accent. Paul showed a pic of him as a teen, chubby, which everyone probably could find in old issues of Tiger Beat. Jenny says this is her excuse to gain 40 pounds.

It's really not that bad!

It’s really not that bad!

Paul asks her to stop with the accent because it’s going to drive him freaking crazy. Jenny then says “a dingo stole my baby” And Paul responds, clearly annoyed, “That’s AUSTRALIAN.”

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Jenny brings Paul to Donnie’s room all sneaky like. Jenny stands outside of the bathroom and says, “Cheese! Did they call you that?” Donnie answers the door, shirtless again, and asks what did you call me.

Jenny is so pleased with herself!

Jenny is so pleased with herself!

Donnie sees Paul and hugs him and asks, what are you doing here? “You smell like home. Let’s go cuddle.”

Paul shows Donnie what he showed Jenny on his phone.

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Donnie says he hates the food in England (but loves the people, making him off he hook to his fans). Paul says it’s “working class food,” which they grew up with. Donnie hates the funny names. “we didn’t eat stilton cheese, we ate government cheese.”

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Calls Alma and tells her he showed Jenny the picture of Dumpy Donnie. Alma tells him to watch his back, but Paul insists Donnie is not interested in revenge. Now we know Donnie is going to try to get back at his brother.

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In a cab, Paul tells Donnie he wants to go to a pub, a place that’s been there 300 years, sit down and have the food and experience London.

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Pulling pints at the pub!

Pulling pints at the pub!

The boys arrive at Punch Tavern (named as such because the workers of the satirical magazine Punch would frequent this pub, which has been around since the 17th c. but refitted in the 1890s). Donnie is asking about blood sausage, which you can get anywhere. “They pay people on game shows to eat coagulated blood. Why would you go to a restaurant and pay to eat it?”

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Donnie is asking pub goers, in ANOTHER terrible accent, if they eat blood sausage and spotted dick. Paul is embarrassed, as am I.

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The guy next to him is asking if he was taking a piss aka mocking someone. Donnie offers to buy them a pint. Once they get their beer, Donnie says “Foster’s. BEER.” Paul laughs at him, knowing Donnie’s fiancee did the same thing, and replies, its not even the same country.” SERIOUSLY people they are so different. Do you watch the Real Housewives of Melbourne? I have learned so much about Australia.

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Donnie says, I can’t order none of this, and the chef brings complimentary pigs ears, which Paul digs into, and Donnie makes shitty comments. Your brother is a chef, you know they hate that.

Cute chef!

Cute chef!

Paul is disappointed Donnie did not embrace the food. Paul is impressed with how proud the chef was with his food, while Donnie interviewed that his toad in the hole looked like “two pieces of dookie in a toilet bowl.”

Does this look like poop??

Does this look like poop??

He ate it, though! And thought it was good. Paul promises to make Donnie something that he loves while he’s here. Donnie leaves to go to the venue and has Paul pay the check.

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Beautiful concert hall where NKOTB plays. Jordan Knight, who HAS NOT AGED, says the guest says the prayer. Paul is clearly uncomfortable, but he did a great job anyway! Look, everyone is trying new things on this trip!

Donnie is morphing into Heisenberg.

Donnie is morphing into Heisenberg.

Donnie promises to give Paul something for telling people his nickname.

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Jenny takes Paul to the side of the stage so they can dance. It is so cute. Paul “I always get the chills when I see my brother up there doing his thing.” Impressed at what his brother’s music gives to people.

Donnie is in the crowd singing “Tonight” and Jenny is trying to get Paul to dance.

Ahhhhhh sweet revenge.

Ahhhhhh sweet revenge.

Donnie goes over to Paul and forces him to sing “lalalallaTonight” Paul says it was really uncomfortable but also a blast.

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Backstage, Paul makes clams for his brother, which was what he always wanted to eat. He made them for NKOTB all the time, many years ago. So sweet. Not a burger!

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Paul says he got so much out of the trip, the connection they make as family and friends.

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Paul says “cheers” in a bad accent and Jenny says “Shhhh you can’t do it.” Paul responds, “cheeky monkeys.”

If you clicked off after that, you missed the best part of the episode:

 

Congrats, you crazy kids!

Congrats, you crazy kids!

All gifs via the awesome A&E tumblr. All screencaps by me.

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