Smart ladies love dumb TV, Wahlburgers recap, Because He’s the Baby

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Mark Wahlberg The Fighter 4

From the previews, this episode appeared that it would be more business focused. A whole half hour without Jenny McCarthy, Alma talking “to” her fellow hostess, and Johnny Drama? I was not excited.

Again I turned on Duck Dynasty, which ended with a bad burger competition–both the competitors (two guys with huge beards? I don’t care) lost. There was a burger storyline. I’ll bet the producers made them do that to be a good lead-in to Wahlburgers. You can’t trust A&E.

The words on screen are Because he’s the Baby but my DVR calls it Baby Knows Best. Neither of these episode titles are any good.

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This is obviously about Mark being the youngest. Donnie said “shit travels down.” Mark says once he could beat all their asses, he did. I don’t doubt that. He is really scrappy.

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We see Paul and Alma in kitchen of Wahlburgers, running an event. He gets a call from Mark (who answers personal calls while they are working in a kitchen? He is setting a poor example for his staff). Mark wants Paul to check out a new Wahlburgers location in Toronto during TIFF. Paul, of course, complains, but I would loooooove to leave my job to go to a film festival. [I want to go to TIFF more than I want to go to Sundance! -K]

Mark Wahlberg The Fighter 1

Alma says Mark, who is slightly domineering, is making up from when he was picked on as a kid.

Seriously does he wear this chef's coat everywhere? I guess it's cheaper.

Seriously does he wear this chef’s coat everywhere? I guess it’s cheaper.

Once in the great country to our north, Paul asked Donnie to show the potential new restaurant. They both like the foot traffic, cars, and abundance of people in the neighborhood.

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Inside the space, Paul doesn’t like it–a former beauty salon that still has all of the fixtures inside, the high ceiling and stairs might not work for Wahlburgers.

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Donnie is pissed at his brother’s attitude and says the reason Paul is shortest is because he’s afraid to grow. That’s a clever one, that Donnie {eyeroll}.

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Donnie says they’re not going to serve fries in hair dryers, but suggests keeping the massage room to help Paul relax. Hopefully he doesn’t have to move to Toronto. What would Kari do?

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Trying to push his brother towards the expansion, Donnie says do you wanna open ten in Hingham? Mark is the primary investor–Paul should work for him.

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This location is across the street from Wayne Gretzky’s restaurant (Gretzkys, 3 stars on Yelp).  By researching Gretzkys, I find that it is on Blue Jays Way and a block and a half away from the Dome/Roger’s Center, where the Blue Jays and the CFL team play.

They decide to crash the restaurant of “The Great One”/”Canada’s God,” where they find out that they missed WG by ten minutes. Donnie is happy because Paul would then not want to open the new Wahlburgers due to his overwhelming love of Wayne Gretzky, the person. However, in my research I learned Gretzky’s is less of a burger place and more of a sports bar that happens to serve food. Paul should not feel bad that Blue Jay’s fan can go somewhere good before the game now.

Donnie is LOVING the attention even if it's from fans of the boyband that started twenty years ago.

Donnie is LOVING the attention even if it’s from fans of the boyband that started twenty years ago.

At the event for Wahlburgers, girls are screaming for Donnie, as New Kids fans still follow him everywhere, and calls Paul the true brains behind Wahlburgers. I do not disagree. He then makes a very pro-Toronto speech, & passes out burgers.

I do not recognize Paul when he's not wearing his chef's jacket.

I do not recognize Paul when he’s not wearing his chef’s jacket.

Paul calls his mommy Alma and complains about Mark and the location. Alma says he has to be tough, which is always her advice. I just don’t think Mark cares about that, especially because he says his brother is “so uptight it’s like he’s at a rectal exam.”

In our only glimpse of Kari this week, she brings a  drink to Alma and they chat about Mark and Paul in order to recap the plot.

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Paul gets on an investors private jet to pick up Mark in Chicago where he is filming. He wants to get his brother in a confined space so they can really talk about the restaurant. This sounds like a shitty idea–I don’t want to argue with anyone in a space if I can’t leave.

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Paul is sitting in Chicago airport waiting for Mark–he says its first trip to Chicago and he’s mad he has to spend it like that.  When Mark finally arrives, he tells Paul to “blame Michael Bay”–something I already do, but for other things (like the death of good movies).

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Mark gets on the plane and says he worked 13 hours –where’s his burger?

Regarding the Toronto Wahlburgers, Mark says its happening regardless, but Paul is worried he has to pick up the pieces when these decisions are made. Mark is convinced that stress will kill his brother (he should at least have like four ulcers by now).

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Mark makes a weird analogy, and compares restaurants to clothes characters wear in movies. It is so convoluted I am not going to explain it. Then the two of them have an interesting conversation about work–the level of difficulty in what Paul does for a living versus Mark. They both think they work harder than the other but they do not see value of the others’ work. I wish this was the whole show.

Mark has a side deal with Larry Houghton (can’t find much on him but he appears to be a Canadian real estate mogul)–here is where learn Mark has “influential friends.” Paul agrees to meet with Larry and his two beautiful daughters. Seriously, so pretty:

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Canadian genes, I guess. Sigh.

Canadian genes, I guess. Sigh.

Larry wants his daughters to learn about business, and he kind of forces Paul to accept them as shadows. Both girls have restaurant experience but I am worried that they will be as useless as poor Kari.

Mark Wahlberg The Fighter 2

At another Wahlburgers event, Mark is wearing a douchey tee shirt, but Paul wants him to leave and see the potential space.

My favorite is the one lone Barcelona chair.

My favorite is the one lone Barcelona chair.

Mark says, it’s a hair salon and asks, did you pick this place? No, Mark, YOU DID. Paul again shows that he is the smartest Wahlberg.

As God is my witness, by the power of my 8 siblings, I hate this dump!!

As God is my witness, by the power of my 8 siblings, I hate this dump!!

Mark is freaking out, having the same reaction as Paul originally, but now Paul is trying to sell it to his brother and he doesn’t know how he got there.

When I rewatched this I realized the W is not in marker but some hair dye splooge.

When I rewatched this I realized the W is not in marker but some hair dye splooge.

Mark says he’ll make it work and draws a W on this gray ridged wall, officially branding this space a future Wahlburgers.

You know what else brings them back to being brothers? The amazing sport of GOLF.

You know what else brings them back to being brothers? The amazing sport of GOLF.

Burgers bring them back to being brothers. Donnie says Paul needs to believe in himself.

I love this rando guy on the right.

I love this rando guy on the right.

At the event, Mark tries to sell Wahlburgers as a viable restaurant in Toronto. Larry’s daughters (this just makes me think of Parks and Rec, DAMN YOU JERRY/LARRY) manning the grill.

Don't burn your pretty pretty hair!

Don’t burn your pretty pretty hair!

Bracelets don't seem grill-friendly. STAGED FOR THE CAMERAS.

Bracelets don’t seem grill-friendly. STAGED FOR THE CAMERAS.

 

Paul says they’re doing a great job and he’s very impressed with them. I worry about Kari, naturally.

In two final talking heads, Alma interviews that all her sons are pains in the asses. Donnie says, wait until Toronto has the milkshake I’m going to make for them, I call it the Canuck shake. Way to bring it down, Donnie.

I pretty much want a milkshake ALL THE TIME.

I pretty much want a milkshake ALL THE TIME.

BONUS Video! As a tribute to our friends in Canada, here’s Wheels, Ontario, a Degrassi/teen show parody from Kroll Show.

All screencaps by me. All gifs from giphy.

8 Comments

  1. I have been to Gretsky’s and I don’t want to talk about it.

  2. How can you spell wahlberg and not gretZky?

  3. That’s my ex boyfriends family .. Oh man

  4. Advertisements for McDonalds are more authentic than this trash and probably more effective.

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