Smart ladies love dumb TV, Wahlburgers recap, Meat the Press


In this week’s intro, we learn that the theme is “scheduled.”

Wahlburgers 1

“Our mother raised nine kids without a schedule, without a calendar…” -Donnie

“Whoever was crying the loudest would be attended to.” -Paul

“Everyone was doing their own thing.” -Mark

Wahlburgers 2

“One way or another we made it work.” -Alma (Alma and Tim Gunn would totally be BFFs.)

“We made it work, but we’re kind of all over the place.” -Donnie

One of the many chores Paul does during the day.

One of the many chores Paul does during the day.

Paul talks about how much stuff he usually has to do during the day and his overcommitments. Somehow, like Alma (bringing it back to the intro already?) he figures it out.

Kari, never leave.

Kari, never leave.

He and Kari are staring at four large calendar pages. He acknowledges the importance of Kari in keeping his schedule straight.

I hope they're being honest about what day it actually is.

I hope they’re being honest about what day it actually is.

He’s reciting some events and sees on the calendar. Kari says that’s an interview Donnie set up for him. Paul, who doesn’t believe in PR, refuses to do it. I’m confused when everyone again talks about Paul overextending himself, when it appears that Paul never wanted this interview to happen and he wants to cancel it.

Classic Wahlburgers split screen.

Classic Wahlburgers split screen.

He calls Donnie and asks about the interview. He says again that he couldn’t do it, but Donnie and Mark both think that Paul is the most important part of the business, and besides, if someone else did the interview, Paul would object to that too.

I want to know more about this dog. Who does she belong to? What is her name? These are very important questions, people.

I want to know more about this dog. Who does she belong to? What is her name? These are very important questions, people.

Paul has both restaurant and family commitments that day, but Donnie tells him that he and Mark have tons of interviews and they do them, even though they’re busy with multiple jobs. Paul protests and says that he thinks his brothers think he has nothing to do.

Wahlburgers 11

Paul goes to Island Creek Oysters, which has a very pleasing website, to check on the new oysters. He puts on some wading pants and rides on a boat with four other guys.

Wahlburgers 12

He looks tiny compared to them. Oyster Man says there are very few chefs that they let pick their own oysters. Paul thinks that because he’s picking his own he should be charged less.

Wahlburgers 13

Then men go into the water and point out a tiger shark. “I think I peed a little.” PAUL YOU ARE THE BEST.

It is so weird that Nacho gets subtitled.

It is so weird that Nacho gets subtitled.

Drama, Mark Nacho and some dudes I don’t know are playing a basketball game at a place that looks like the Y. Nacho asks Mark how he gets on Paul’s good side. He’s so uptight and busy.

Wahlburgers 15

Nacho suggests getting a tattoo of Wahlburgers. Marks says, “Do you know how long I spent taking my tattoos off? Huh?”

Wahlburgers 16

He shows a spot where he had a tattoo removed and there is still some scar tissue there, even after seven years. Mark interviews that he had some tattoos that were meaningful to him but he got to an age where he did not want them anymore. Nacho being 50-some-odd years old and wanting tattoos now makes no sense.

Wahlburgers 17

Mark suggests Nacho respect Paul and be nice to him. Mark, that is too much work! Win him over by changing your ways.

Wahlburgers 18

Back in Duxbury, Paul is eating some raw oysters and the oyster guys note that they don’t get a lot of guys who “know how to shuck.” Paul interviews that he buys 800 oysters a week from these guys–who do they think opens them? While in waders, Mark calls Paul and tells him he has a meeting with Steve Samuels, who is a developer.

Paul objects because he is knee deep in bay water, but Mark insists he do it. Mark wants to get the Fenway location open by April 1st.

Before we move on, who is Steve Samuels? Here are some fun facts for your perusal:

  • He is the chairperson of Samuels & Associates–here is their homepage
  • He’s not just a developer, but also a movie producer.
  • He won’t tell you anything about George Clooney on the record, though.
  • Is the main developer on Boston’s Landmark Center, which is supposed to bring a Wegman’s to the city!
  • Developing some high rises near Fenway, including the Van Ness, which you can see on the map he shows Paul.

Wahlburgers 21

Paul leaves the oyster guys to go to Mark’s bidding (approximate travel time: 53 minutes). In the car, we learn via bluetooth that Kari’s last name is Burke. I don’t know why I didn’t know that before but I feel I have secret info.

Wahlburgers 22

He tells her that he’s running late to the interview because he has another meeting, but Kari says that the reporter is already at the restaurant. We see him in the background talking to Alma, which you know will be hilarious.

Wahlburgers 23

Kari interviews that Alma is telling the reporter old, embarrassing stories about the Wahlberg children. Paul and Mark interview individually about Alma’s stories. This is all she appears to have told the reporter, none of which make any sense:

  • Paul’s job as underwear striper
  • Paul wearing underwear on his head and saying he’s an astronaut
  • Mark saying “I’ll never stop” STOP WHAT? WORKING?

Wahlburgers 24

Paul’s going to meet Steve, who is the developer of the original location, so Paul knows how important this contact is.  Paul manhugs Steve, who tells him, “man you stink!” Paul agrees in an interview: “I smell like a goat.”

Wahlburgers 25

Steve points to the new Wahlburgers on this large wall map.

Steve says they’re ready to deliver the space in the next day or two. It’s 4500 sq feet, and they can work fall to spring so it’s open for the beginning of Red Sox season. He says there’s a good vibe at the space.

Wahlburgers 26

Steve then points it out from the window. YOU CAN SEE IT FROM THE WINDOW?? Why did he show Paul on the wall map first? So weird.

Wahlburgers 27

Paul goes to Alma Nove to meet with the reporter, where Kari interviews the following about Paul:

I love her so much. The reporter tells Paul that Alma was just telling him about Paul’s clumsiness. Alma, of course, loved how much the reporter responded to her stories.

Wahlburgers 28

He’s asked about cooking, and Paul tells him a bunch of stuff we already know from watching this show for 1.5 seasons. Paul leaves early to shower and go to son’s skate event.

Wahlburgers 30

Nacho is committed to this tattoo thing, which Drama thinks is a horrible idea. Drama leaves and says he will meet Nacho at Wahlburgers when the tattoo is done.  He eats the entire time the guy is “tattooing” him. I can’t believe any of this is real.

Wahlburgers 32

We meet Ethan, Pauls 12 year old son, who everyone calls “a little Paul.” They are best buds. It’s very sweet.

Wahlburgers 33

“Gleaaaaaammmmming… gleaming the cube!”

Ethan does some tricks and Paul is so proud of how he is “tearing it up” but it still “scares the shit out of [him].” Ethan gets second place!

Wahlburgers 34

Nacho meets Drama and shows his tattoo, which is covered in plastic.

Nightmares forever.

Nightmares forever.

He pulls it off to reveal… MARK WAHLBERG’S FACE. Dude I hope it’s fake. That is creepy as fuck. “What can you give someone that has everything?” Donnie calls it “disgusting.”

How about seeing it in gif format?

Even better, right, the way Mark’s face moves?

Wahlburgers 37

Kari brings Paul and Alma the Boston article. Kari says it’s a good article (you can read it here) and Paul apologizes for not trusting his mother. He thanks her for helping out that day and says she would never make him look bad. There’s a short montage with interviews about memories and cooking and family, which is a Wahlburgers staple.

Nacho shows Mark the tattoo and his reaction is “I love you.” HAHAHAHAHA.

All screencaps by me. Yes, that is my living room window on the left. So what, who cares?

All gifs from the super awesome A&E tumblr.

Leave a Reply