Smart ladies love dumb TV, WWRLD…If He Got Plastered?


What would Ryan Lochte do…if he got plastered? He actually got his chest plastered because the manager at the club they go to wanted memorabilia (it was Gene’s idea). He and Gene also took a meeting, he made Devan get rid of his unsafe scooter, AND the Lochterage went ziplining.


Number of dumb things Ryan and/or Gene said or did this week: 8

  • His plaid vest was a mistake.


  • “Why is my brother eating a banana? I know his ass don’t eat no banana.” Turns out Devan was eating bananas because he read on the internet if he ate several bananas and drank soda he would throw up. He did indeed throw-up. This was the first time watching this show that I wished I was making better life choices.

E! is so classy!

  • Wants to create a line of clothes for babies so that they look pimp. Why am I watching this show? Are you out there, Internet, laughing at my pain?!?
  • Ryan’s friends make fun of his twitter feed to his face (he takes it like a good sport, this would be endearing if I wasn’t still pissed about Devan throwing up banana on TV). Here are the examples they read:
    • “too travel is sometimes better to arrive” after they read it and laugh Ryan responds thusly “Philosophy 102 Ryan Lochte.”
    • “Always reach for the moon cuz if you slip up u will be a star!!!!!! #jeah”
  • Has his a plaster cast made of his chest to give the shithead manager of the club he hangs out memorabilia. While this is happening Ryan responds thusly:
    • “Can you die from this?”
    • “Can this rip my nipples off?”
    • “Is this how mummies are made?”
  • Does this stupid trick with a swimcap, in which he blows air into it while it is on his head.


  • Wore a t-shirt that read, “Yes, it’s me”


  • Told girls it was okay to rub his nipple, when they unveiled his plaster chest.


Number of catchphrases and/or words of wisdom from Ryan Lochte and/or Gene: 4

  • Ryan works out Monday-Saturday, starting at 5:30 AM.
  • Gene tries to have a business meeting with Ryan about, Ryan’s fashion line while Ryan plays video games.


  • Gene isn’t just Ryan’s assistant he is also Ryan’s best friend.
  • Ryan on haters, “I don’t mind haters– they’re kind of funny.”

Number of times I find him endearing: 2

  • Makes Devan get rid of his terribly unsafe scooter and tells him he will buy him a new one so that he will be safe.


  • He and Gene dancing always makes me smile…this episode was seriously lacking on the GOOD!


Number of times E!, and by virtue the audience, objectifies Ryan Lochte: 8

They did an entire thing with Ryan on him not thinking he was a sex symbol even though at one point he says that his abs are famous.


Number of ladies he talks to (AKA tries to pick up): 2

  • A fellow Olympian Chantae (though he has trouble remembering what her event is called, it’s the heptathlon).


  • A girl at the plaster place who shaves him and rubs him in vaseline. 

Number of dates: 1 he invites Chantae to the Lochterage ziplining.


She is super cute and they would make seriously attractive sporty babies.

Number of times he talks about “fashion”: 1

Number of times he said “Jeah”: 6

Number of times somebody else says “Jeah”: NONE, the Lochterage is lame this week.

This weeks trivia question is…


My mom should be so proud that Olympic athlete Ryan Lochte wanted to be an accountant!!!

Leave a Reply